Thinking

Happy woman at officeA New Beginning??

Here’s what I want. I want a baby. I am 39 years old. I am single. I have never been in a long term relationship. I am facing the reality that it is just not going to happen for me in time to have a baby.

I have always wanted kids. When I was a kid I wanted to be a mom. I used to love to babysit. I don’t so much love babies, per se, as kids. I am great with children. I have 3 little brothers who I have essentially helped raise. They are now 16, 13 and 8. I am lucky to have them in my life. And now I want my own.

I am now facing the reality of having a baby on my own. By myself.

I am terrified. I have been thinking about this for years but it is starting to form itself into a reality. I have been thinking a lot about what it means to raise a child who has no father. This is tearing me up. I am really close with my dad and couldn’t imagine not having a dad. This has been the main hindrance in making my decision. There is so much to think about and my head is swirling and I feel really good and relieved and really scared all at the same time. There is much to write about. I feel instinctively that this is the beginning of a whole new journey.

Nicole E.

3 thoughts on “Thinking”

  1. "I am 39 years old. I am single. I have never been in a long term relationship. I am facing the reality that it is just not going to happen for me in time to have a baby."

    I had to double-check to be sure that this hadn't been written by me and I had just forgot about it!

    I am also 39 and while I had a long-term relationship years ago, I am thankful that a child never came from that union because it wouldn't have been the right time for any of us.

    What keeps me semi-sane is knowing, deep in my heart and soul, that being a mother is what I was meant to be and because of that, I will do anything and everything to make it work. I have more than enough love to give, I have a stable support system, and I am in a good place emotionally and financially.

    Feeling terrified is normal. I am scared to death and sometimes that horrible voice whispers so loudly inside my head, it makes me doubt and wonder if this is what I should be doing. But I know that it is. We are doing the right thing and though it's going to be difficult and probably at some times disappointing, this is the correct course that we're on.

    Keep in touch and let us know how it is going for you. Much luck to us all!!

  2. I am the mother of 15 1/2 year old twins. I think the issue of not having a father was much more important to me when my children were younger than it is now. I think that may be because when my children were younger, I wondered "how they would turn out" Now, they are "young adults" and a lot of the mystery is gone. Aside from the annoyances that I'm sure all parents feel at times, my children have matured into wonderful people. Would they have been different if they had a father in their life? Probably. But there are so many factors that go into a child's development, any difference could have led them down a different path. What if I had never left New York? Chances are they would be different than they are, having grown up in Florida. So many factors – both nature and nurture – go into forming our children into the beings they will become. At this point, I see having a father in our family or not as just one of the factors.

    Sandy

  3. A very familiar sentiment – it is scary, and not everyone is supportive (in spirit or otherwise) of a woman considering becoming an SMC.

    Financial aspects are always the scariest to me, but at age 51, I'm thrilled to be the single mother through adoption of daughters now 13 and 9. I do wish my girls had a Dad, but it's not something they actively miss since this is what our family has always looked like: a Mom and two daughters.

    I have never tried to convince others to become SMCs – it has to "feel right" to them. And I think it's critical to be prepared financially and in practical ways (how will you continue to work, plus educate, house, clothe, love, care through illnesses and otherwise raise a child without limited support from other adults).

    Good luck – talk to more SMCs to hear the good and bad, then you can feel better about whatever you decide.

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