Waiting and Planning

When I started this journey I had no idea there was even a term for having a baby solo. The phrase “Single Mother by Choice” came into my line of vision in a Google search.

My neighbor started this baby party. She was hitting forty in months with no man on the horizon; she was ready to be a mother. I was 36, soon to be 37, and thought I had a whole bunch of time to find the husband and have the babies.

I attended three painful seminars at the local Reproductive Endocrinologist’s office. My age was plastered in every presentation as presenting a big dilemma to my dreams of children. A review of my situation made it clear that I had many dilemmas not just one.

A bad economy, underpaid at work, a house underwater. I am living in the south when my entire family living in the north was not going to help me. It seemed hopeless. How was I going to do this by myself? I spent a few dark months believing that my dream of being a mother would be crushed just as my dream of being a wife had been.

How did I get to waiting and planning? I had to turn my life upside down. I did a short sale of my house where I lost money and my credit took a major hit. Now I am moving my life to the north and back to my mother’s house. My mom is my biggest supporter. I am her only child and she will do anything to have grandchildren. Her offer of free child care sealed the deal for this to really happen.

Now I can see the forest through the trees, and I’m looking at the sperm banks to make my number one choice. I’m making calls to see what will be needed for my first insemination. My plan is mapped out. I’m living with friends and saving money to start my journey to Boston, then to find a job, obtain health insurance and get this party started.

So many unknowns have me scared to death. Everything happens for a reason and I know if I don’t work on this goal to be a mother I will regret it the rest of my life.

3 thoughts on “Waiting and Planning”

  1. I am very happy that you are doing all you can to make your dreams of becoming a mother a reality….I am also making a life changing decision for my longtime dream of being a mom and being 41years old with PCOS people don’t realize the things you have to go through….Well, focus – it will happen for you!!..

    1. when you have that child counting on you to move a monatuin, or make him smile you do it with resources you never had access to before. For me the amount of support I discovered, and created once my first was in my arms was amazing. People love to help. People REALLY love to help when a baby is involved. So, add that to your list asking yourself who do I know that might show up for us in a new way once my baby is my life? And then ask them if you are right. Create that net now.

  2. So happy for you that you have made the decision that is right for you and you are doing everything to pursue your dream of having a child. I can honestly say it is nothing and everything I ever dreamed it would be 🙂 I LOVE every minute of being a mom and cannot imagine what my life would have been like without my little man conceived through IVF!!! Good luck to you on your journey.

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