Father’s Day Thoughts From a Teen SMC Child

Allow me to open by briefly introducing myself. My name is Jocelyn, I was born in San Francisco, California, I live in Florida.

I suppose you could say I was born because of a sperm donor. Biologically, that’s true. But the real REASON I’m here is because my mother wanted a child. To me, that’s all that matters and I could leave it at that. But because I enjoy this topic, I won’t.

So, maybe it’s how I was brought up. I knew my entire life I was the product of a sperm donor. No big deal. I have a vague recollection of my elementary-school Spanish teacher teaching me how to say “donor” in Spanish. My uncle’s a genealogist, so when family tree time came around, everyone was so absolutely stunned by just how far back it went on my mom’s side that they didn’t notice or care that I had nothing on the donor’s side.

And that’s how we always referred to him. The donor. I knew pretty much how it was done, but then I also was the most Internet-savvy one in the whole house by the time I was 5. I knew way more than most 5 year olds did, more than I supposedly “should” have, but I’m pretty sure there are statistics somewhere about early exposure and exponential difference in maturity.

Anyway, that’s all he was to me. A donor. The reason I’m here? Technically, but that could’ve been anyone. I know he’s Colombian, which makes me half-Colombian, a huge running joke amongst everyone, seeing as I’m the palest person I know. I think he lived in California.  And thanks to the donor sibling registry, I know I have a few half-sibs running around, which is pretty cool. Siblings I don’t have to live with? What more could I want?

All my friends have always known. I went to a private school, but not like most people imagine private schools. The farthest thing from uniforms, and science “class” involved (humanely!) catching fish to look at and doing reports on native animals. Basically the coolest place ever. Since everyone was different, the fact that my dad was a squirt bottle was hardly the most interesting.

Personally, I think it’s awesome. A little worrisome, seeing as I plan to return to California soon, that I could unwittingly date a half-sibling. But I think it would be pretty cool to go about my life in California, and maybe one day contact my donor, and find out he’s been my doctor, or my mechanic, or my favorite latte-maker at the local cafe! Talk about crazy. But in a totally wicked way! And I’ll just get blood tests before I get married to anyone. Problem solved.

Like I said, maybe it’s how I was raised. There was never any mystery, and it’s not like I have a whole other life waiting for me if I can just contact my donor. For all I know, he’s a total jerk. Or maybe he just wanted to make some extra money. Perhaps he’s more like me than I know, and he did it purely for the amusement of being able to walk down the street and fantasize about who’s his kid. Maybe they’re famous. Maybe he’s allergic to mushrooms. Maybe he dyes his hair pink. But for the record, I thought The Kids Are All Right was totally unrealistic. As cool as it would be if my donor owned a restaurant and drove a motorcycle, it’s hard to decide who would be more horrified by the idea of my mom having a fling with him – her or me.

And on Father’s Day, I give my uncle a card. He teaches me how to drive and makes my Halloween costumes. Pretty much the best dad ever, right?

Jocelyn

9 thoughts on “Father’s Day Thoughts From a Teen SMC Child”

  1. Thanks Jocelyn. Your family is very lucky and clearly very inspiring to have such a wonderful Daughter, Niece etc as yourself.
    I am blessed with a donor conceived 13 month old glorious wonder and Fathers’ Day was a bit of a blank to me this time. Your story has helped me to understand how to handle this next year. I am so happy for you. All the best.

  2. Thank you for your refreshing take on your up bringing so far seems like your mom did an awesome job in raising a confident girl! I have a beautiful princess, donor conceived and I wonder what her future will look like. Would be proud to see her grow up as you have.

    1. To all those who have been pleased to read about an SMC child growing up happily — the Single Mothers by Choice (SMC) organization has an online Forum where moms of older (and younger) children post all the time. If you’d like to be part of the discussions, join us! http://www.singlemothersbychoice.org

  3. I loved hearing what you had to say and wish you the best in all that life has to offer. It is always interesting to hear what children have to say about being born to a mother by donor, as I have two wonderful children by a donor. I have always been honest with them about how they were born. They have just turned 5 y/o and mean the world to me, and they know it everyday.

  4. This is awesome! On a day like today(fathers day) it’s great to know “my choice” won’t be what or who defines my son.
    I am always honest with him even at this age (3) that he doesn’t have a father and when he is old enough to understand, I will tell him how he has a donor and having him was the single best decision that I made in my entire life!
    Thank you for sharing your journey and making this SMC hope one day my son feels exactly the same!

  5. A million thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts! You sound so grounded and comfortable in your own skin 🙂

  6. Such a refreshing story! My daughter is 6 and she’s heard the story of her donor and conception since she was born. The only people concerned are those outside our family. Thanks so much for sharing!!

  7. And this my friends is why telling early, and making it just what it is, a very small part of their story is so important. My 19 yr old would pretty much say the same thing. These are happy, healthy young adults! Thank you for sharing Jocelyn! Yea for great uncles!

  8. Thank you thank you thank you! What more can I say? Your point of view is articulate and pragmatic. My daughter is still very young, but I hope she is as wise as you when she grows up.

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