Pulling Away

JenTate2016I think it’s happening and I’m not ready!!

I’m sensing that Tate is pulling away from me. He’s growing up. He’s finding out that he can have his own opinion. He’s realizing that he can have things in common with his friends that I’m not privy to.

And I don’t like it.  Not one bit.

Over the past two months we’ve had several power struggles. I ask or tell him to do something and he doesn’t respond or do what I’ve asked the first time. That might sound strange, but Tate has been a child who would almost always do what I asked or said the first time. If I said “Come here” he would come here.  If I said “Please walk on the sidewalk” he’d do so with no questions. Now I’m getting, “Why?” “Do I have to?” “Why can’t I do X instead?”  I find myself repeating the very words I always hated hearing from my mom, “Because I said so.”  And I know now why she said that… because sometimes I just don’t have the energy required to tell him why or I simply don’t want to. Because if I tell him to walk on this side of me in the parking lot because I see the cart careening toward him and he’s obliviously talking to me, he needs to just move. By the time he’s asked me why, he’s almost getting hit.

I find myself getting frustrated and parenting in a way I can’t stand. Just tonight I got so annoyed I told him that each time I have to ask him to do something a second time I’m taking away one of his beloved Disney Infinity characters. Sigh… I hate parenting with negativity. This decision was made in a moment of frustration, so I’ll definitely talk with him about it tomorrow and come up with a new plan.

I think I need to find some patience and realize that my days of dictatorship are over. 🙂  His questioning and wondering why the rules are the rules is really healthy. It’s indicative of his thought processes, trying to understand the world around him, and I’ve got to realize that most of his world includes me.

I just wasn’t ready.

And now there’s the ‘secrets’ he has with his friends!

Yesterday we were at lunch with Annie (my friend’s daughter).  She was over to play with Tate for the day and the three of us went out to lunch.  They sat across from me in the booth and they were having a blast coloring and being silly together!  Then Annie grabbed Tate and whispered in his ear; they giggled together with their heads together, looked at me and Tate whispered back to her.  As they both looked at me out of the sides of their eyes!  I asked what they were saying and they simultaneously said “NOTHING!!” Giggle Giggle!

I felt so left out!  I really think my feelings were hurt.

Then I realized this is the beginning.  The beginning of the friends being cooler than Mommy.  The beginning of me not knowing everything that’s going in his life. The beginning of not being the person he wants to share everything with.

I’m just not ready.

Why is growing up so very hard???

2 thoughts on “Pulling Away”

  1. I understand your feelings. I have a college student, so in essence an adult. He is independent but still living at home and commuting. We are having growing pains. I have finally been able to let go until it comes to driving the car alone. I’m having difficulty with that one. We are also learning to communicate about where you are and when you’ll be home. The letting go is the roughest part of parenting. Try to set up some rules that you both can live with. I’ve done boundaries. For example, I don’t care what his room looks like but I don’t want my living room to look like that. Good luck.

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