But then the other day, I got an email from another mom who’s expecting a baby girl from the same donor! She and her partner are due in November, so my baby will have a donor/half sister just 2-3 months younger than her. I’m so excited! I never had any expectations that she wouldn’t have any donor sibs, and actually kind of wanted her to have them. Since my family is so small, and she may not end up with any siblings or cousins (ok, we have one pseudo-cousin who turned 6 today), I thought it would be really cool for her to have these other “family members”. Not necessarily a huge number, but… Continue reading
I suppose you could say I was born because of a sperm donor. Biologically, that’s true. But the real REASON I’m here is because my mother wanted a child. To me, that’s all that matters and I could leave it at that. But because I enjoy this topic, I won’t.
So, maybe it’s how I was brought up. I knew my entire life I was the product of a sperm donor. No big deal. I have a vague recollection of my elementary-school Spanish teacher teaching me how to say “donor” in Spanish. My uncle’s a genealogist, so when family tree time came around, everyone was so absolutely stunned by just how far back it went on my mom’s side that they didn’t notice or care that I… Continue reading
I met my friend Rhonda through a local chapter of the national organization Single Mothers by Choice (SMC). She and I both joined around the same time. The first time we met in person I got out of my car, and I was greeted by a tiny woman in a shimmering magenta jogging suit, her eyes hidden behind big round black sunglasses. We nervously shook hands and began talking about who we were and where we came from and how far along we were in our journey as we walked a 3-mile loop that winds along the Mississippi River and back downtown.
The second time we met we sat in a crowded coffee bar, and I drank a decaf latte a week after my second insemination. I played with the lid on my drink and told her that I didn’t want to sound terribly shallow but I was afraid of… Continue reading
I sifted through my Sunday paper one morning, pulling out the usual bits – coupons, TV guide, Target ad, and USA Weekend. On the latter’s cover were pictures of the characters from the debut of a new tv show, and the corresponding story inside was titled “The Postmodern Family.”
“The Postmodern Family?” Really? How could I resist?
The article talked about the multitude of upcoming shows based on non-traditional families. TV historian Tim Brooks notes that television has often presented us with non-traditional families, as it reflects what’s already going on in our current society. For example, The Brady Bunch in its time reflected “the trend of a blended family,” where adults with children from previous marriages came together to form a new family unit.
This particular example rather amused me, as I just had a Very Brady Summer Vacation…
Back when I was pregnant with my son, there was… Continue reading
Enjoy your holiday weekend!
The SMC Blog will return next weekend.
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While I’ve talked about having three children for as long as I can remember, and taken action to prepare for my 3rd attempt at trying to conceive, I’ve surprisingly found myself thinking that maybe I’m really done. That thinking doesn’t actually sit well with me because it’s such a radical shift, and that makes me question it, but I keep coming back to the same place.
Maybe it would be nice to stick with two, two who are close enough in age that they will be able to go to the same school until my daughter starts middle school, allowing me, when she starts K and he starts pre-K, to live the life I’ve always dreamed of; working part-time, being the one that gets to pick my children up and take them to their activities, having their friends over after school and really getting to know them, being the primary… Continue reading
15 years, probably more, that I have fought for what I want, for what I believe. I guess in a way motherhood and dating go hand in hand, since my whole life I believed that one was the means to another.
My mother tells me that I have always believed that what I wanted, what I desired was out there. She admired my persistence and fight that it could be real for me, that I stood for what I believed steadfast, despite years of unsuccessful relationships.
Mom always taught me the lesson in life, the lessons of relationships – that you learn from them, that you take the lesson and grow, so the next relationship would be even richer.
Have I had hard times over the past few years? Yes.
Realizing Mr. Right was not here in time. Yuck.
For a good part of my adult life, I wanted to be a mother, but as I got older, I worried that it might not happen for me. I hadn’t met the right man to marry, so how could I become a mom? But then, one day, I realized that even though I hadn’t found my life partner, I could be a single mother by choice. There was even an organization that provided support and information to women like me: Single Mothers by Choice, for women who were mature, ready for motherhood, but single. It WAS possible. Many months later, I had made my dream a reality. I was a mother.
Motherhood was the joyous center of my life for many years. I had enjoyed my career and had a pretty satisfying life, both before becoming a mom and throughout my mothering years. But there was something about being… Continue reading
Recently, I randomly took a few minutes to figure out the number of days I was with my ex-husband. I then counted forward the same number of days from the day we split up . I am now at the point that I will have been apart from him for as long as I was with him. It’s not really a meaningful moment, but it does cause me to reflect on the past five years.
After we split up, I was a mess. I had been battling severe depression and anxiety during most of our relationship, and the breakup caused me to spiral very dangerously. The relationship, in its last 2 years or so, was extremely detrimental to my sense of self-worth and I ended up feeling like a failure for having a hard time finding a place for myself in the workforce. My spouse encouraged me to make as
Happy Passover from Single Mothers by Choice!
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