- "I find myself two months after joining SMC with tears in my eyes. The tears are hopeful tears as I read the responses to my laundry list of questions from other SMC’s on the Forum. They are tears of absolute joy and hopefulness that so many other women have pursued this journey. They have these wonderfully rich stories of their journeys and of their children, each unique, none without a few bumps in the road, but that’s parenthood."
- "Being a member of SMC has given me a community of women who "get it". They understand the day to day, and always have great advice and wisdom to offer. In addition, I have made some of my closest friends through this organization!!"
Samuel got his first loose tooth last night. It is wiggly and it hurts a bit and Samuel is thrilled and I am sad. OK, I know it is ridiculous. The timing is actually on the late end to lose his first tooth –he will be seven next month. He has a couple of friends who lost their first tooth at age four and many at age five and six so it is about time (in his mind anyway)!
Nevertheless, I feel like the last vestige of Samuel’s babyhood is going. It really seems like he has changed more in the last year (age 6 to 7) than any other single year since infancy. In fact, in many ways, he was remarkably stable in his personality, traits, play and interests between about age three and six. Now he has left those things behind. No more pretend games, no more Playmobil,… Continue reading
I’ve spent over a year participating in and listening to the Trying to Conceive (TTC) posts on the SMC Forum. I even had my own failed attempt at TTC and then work, school, and dating postponed my plans until a year later. I began to consider adoption, an option I had explored before but ignored once I found Mr. Perfect Anonymous Donor and built up the courage (and money) to TTC. But once I really delved into the adoption choice again, it seemed very feasible and appropriate for where I am in my life. Plus, I thought it might be “easier”than TTC.
On the TTC forum, I had read other women’s journeys through infertility and fertility treatments and miscarriages to finally bringing home a newborn sometimes years later. Well, now that I’m pursuing adoption, I realize the adoption journey isn’t exactly “easier”, just different than TTC. There are many preparations… Continue reading
I don’t know what it is about mommy’s bed. But apparently, when a child can’t fall asleep, the only place to go is mom’s bed—and like magic, the sandman comes and knocks said child out. What I found out recently is that it doesn’t even have to be your mom. Marshall was having a friend sleep over the other night. Both boys were snoring happily by about 10 p.m. and I blithely went to bed. About 1 a.m., I sensed a presence by bed. It’s Max saying he can’t fall asleep so I groggily tell him to climb in. He’s asleep in seconds. When I awake in the morning, there’s a boy in bed next to me. No big surprise. But it takes me a minute to realize it’s not mine.
I never intended to co-sleep. But Marshall had other plans. From the minute he was born, he liked to… Continue reading
As I sit here tonight going through pictures of Tate, ‘checking’ Facebook, deleting some emails, I am overwhelmed by the quiet of my home. Tate has been in bed since 7, and Vincent is still not pleased with me over his visit to the vet yesterday. I looked around and just became insidiously aware of my aloneness. Every. Single. Night. Once Tate is asleep I do have a myriad of things to accomplish before I can rest and just be. I have to clean up the dirty dinner dishes, clean out his lunch bag and backpack and put all those items into the dishwasher or clean them. There’s always laundry to be done, picking up after Tate (and the cat), dishwasher to be emptied, bills to pay and showers to take. But it’s all done alone.
No one to share the details of my day with. No one… Continue reading
I can’t believe Claudette is 10 months and I’m planning her first birthday. Been working on her baby book and I’m already struggling to remember some stuff about the first few months! Seems so long ago in some ways…but also just like yesterday. As my first year of motherhood comes to a close, I’ve been thinking about what it’s been like – what turned out like I expected and what was different. Wondering how it’s been for other moms who are now coming to the end of their first year.
1. I did not expect to have sleep deprivation for this long – that she still would not be sleeping through the night at 10 mos. No one ever says this. All I ever heard was how most babies sleep through the night at 3-4 mos. Liars! LOL The sleep deprivation has been brutal.
2. Did not expect the physical… Continue reading
Letting go of the dream of having a traditional family, i.e. a husband and kids, is a very big deal for most women. That’s probably one of the first steps in deciding to become an SMC. And that’s a rough one. I always had this assumption that it would happen, so it was hard to face the fact that it might not just “happen.” What if it doesn’t? How could it not? How long do I wait?
All kinds of people meet their mates and start families. My confidence about myself as an attractive, smart and lovable woman is a bit tangled up in that dream. I never wanted to visit the possibility that it might not happen. It’s negative. It… Continue reading
Just a few short weeks ago, my aunt died. This was a woman who was among the first to tell me she supported me fully when I told her I wanted to become a Single Mother by Choice (SMC) … the woman who threw me a baby shower, the first person aside of my mom to come visit my newborn son, and the woman who told me she thought it was “awesome” how I was choosing to live my life. To say her loss has been huge to me would be an understatement.
She was clearly beloved in her community, as evidenced by the hundreds of people who came to pay their respects at her wake and funeral. But I had always known that and admired it about her. And this woman, who I so wanted to emulate for many reasons, had me wonder as she lay dying of cancer,… Continue reading
During the last few weeks the world around us has changed suddenly. Hot sticky days with harsh bright sunlight have been replaced by cool, crisp dry days that smell of fresh mown grass and distant fires. Many of the 6-foot-high corn fields have been mowed down, and the guy selling 12 ears for $4 out of the back of his truck has sold out for the season. The soybean fields are starting to turn golden, and maples and ash here and there are flaming red and yellow. It isn’t fall yet, but fall is definitely in the air. We leave the windows open at night, and some nights the brisk prairie winds from the west cool the house so much that I have to get up and close the windows. We leave for town every morning just as the sun is coming up, and as we turn east to head… Continue reading