In Praise of the Single Mother

I recently was asked to be the voice of the single mother who celebrates that role and finds the joy in it. I was asked to share things I have learned along the way that make it easier, the things that I do (or am discovering), to recharge my batteries, and allow me to find enjoyment, satisfaction and perseverance in this sometimes challenging job of Single Mom.

Shortly after that question was asked of me, when I was looking out at all this snow I had to shovel, on my own, I felt pumped up. Here was a challenge: how do I remove eighteen tons of snow from the neck of my driveway with a bum foot, and two sleeping children I don’t want freaked out if they wake and I’m not here? The story ends with two sleeping boys, a shoveled driveway, and me sitting with my bare feet

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In Praise of the Single Mother

I recently was asked to be the voice of the single mother who celebrates that role and finds the joy in it. I was asked to share things I have learned along the way that make it easier, the things that I do (or am discovering), to recharge my batteries, and allow me to find enjoyment, satisfaction and perseverance in this sometimes challenging job of Single Mom.

Shortly after that question was asked of me, when I was looking out at all this snow I had to shovel, on my own, I felt pumped up. Here was a challenge: how do I remove eighteen tons of snow from the neck of my driveway with a bum foot, and two sleeping children I don’t want freaked out if they wake and I’m not here? The story ends with two sleeping boys, a shoveled driveway, and me sitting with my bare feet

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Lightbulb Moments On My Way to Motherhood.

Taking the SMC route has been an amazingly interesting journey so far (which is a little like saying we saw some snow this winter in the Northeast!).

There were a couple of moments that stand out in my memory in particularly sharp focus.  One such occasion was a conversation with my therapist before I had even started trying to conceive and was still trying to chase the elusive child-with-partner dream.  We were discussing the guy I was involved with who was not stepping up to the plate (in fact he had left the field all together but I wasn’t able to acknowledge that yet).  My therapist commented: “He may not be a sure bet but you are”,  and it fell into place that I was everything I was looking for in a partner – reliable, dependable, hard working, responsible, thoughtful, caring – and he was none of these things.  That

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Accepting Our Children For Who They Are

emilialeapI have had a really tough month with Emilia over selecting high schools. I realize part of this is my own dream of how I thought it would go. No matter how many people I poll… I know it comes down to can I accept Emilia for who she is?

When I adopted Emilia I didn’t think much about schools because I moved into a neighborhood with good schools and decided she would go there. I did however decide that I wanted her to go to the all girls high catholic high school downtown. So I opened up a little UGM account and put in $100 per month with the sole purpose of funding high school. Fast forward… the girls high school was not for her, I wanted her to at least apply, she was firm it was a no.

We narrowed it down to a private super rigorous, incredible

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The Cat’s Out of the Bag

hes_hereWhen I was pregnant and finally told people (or let my mother tell people), I got the most amazing phone calls. My mom told her sister and I swear within minutes, I got calls from both her sons, my first cousins, telling me that this would be the most amazing journey of my life and the best thing I could do.

When I started to tell my friends, they were uniformly supportive. One friend called her brother who called me and said that of all the people he knew, he knew I would thrive at this because I took such good care of them all in college. (I was the one who routinely held someone’s hair out of the toilet after s/he drank too much.)

So why did I want to have a child? What was that yearning that told me to push forward partnerless?

I wanted to re-experience the

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Motherhood — Part 2

Thinking woman looking up on many question signs above head isolated(This is the second half of Motherhood. The first half appeared in this space  previously.)

If I decide to become a single mother, I would probably also be deciding that my child would be an only child. Not only would s/he not have a father, but also it would be just the two of us. Going it alone would be hard enough financially and mentally, so thinking about a second on my own is probably not in the cards. Some of my best memories growing up involve my brothers: chasing after each other, inventing games, and having a buffer or distraction when we were stuck with our parents for too long in a confined car on road trips. As adults we’ve bonded in a completely different way and I can’t imagine not having these relationships in my life. Who am I to knowingly deprive my child of that

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Motherhood – Part 1

Thinking woman looking up on many question signs above head isolated34…single…female…The age keeps changing, but the relationship status does not. It’s been quite a while since I’ve been in a long-term relationship. While I desire a partner in life, a best friend to spend my days with, what I yearn for even more is motherhood. It’s not just a yearning from the heart, but I feel it from my ovaries…from the center of my being.

Throughout college and adult life, I have gone back and forth on what type of career I want to have and whether I even want to have a career at all. The one constant has always been that I want to have children. I want to bear at least one child and then possibly adopt. A mother is what I feel I was meant to be above all else..

At some point in my mid to late 20’s I decided that if I hadn’t met

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Mother’s Day – My Son Is Grown

Mother’s Day is my favorite day of the year.  I look forward to it for months.

Why is it such an important day to me?  For a good part of my adult life, I wanted to be a mother, but as I got older, I worried that it might not happen for me.  I hadn’t met the right man to marry, so how could I become a mom?  But then, one day, I realized that even though I hadn’t found my life partner, I could be a single mother by choice.  There was even an organization that provided support and information to women like me: Single Mothers by Choice, for women who were mature, ready for motherhood, but single.  It WAS possible.  Months later, I had made my dream a reality.  I was a mother.

Motherhood was the joyous center of my life for many years.  I had enjoyed

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