Made My Decision

womancrossroads copyI think my mom’s illness, and especially her difficult recovery from surgery, has crystallized things for me. In two ways.

The first: I’m so grateful not to be enduring her illness alone. Maybe that’s a terrible reason, but I’m very grateful to have siblings who share (more than their fair share nowadays) the burden. Not just the work, but the worry.

The second, and better reason: I realized, thinking about her mortality, that when I imagine looking back at my life from an older age, having a child is the very best thing I’ve ever done. Nothing else comes close. C. brings me unspeakable joy.

How can I not want to experience this one more time?

Another blogger wrote about her decision not to have a second child, and I completely respect her choice, and her reasons behind it. Namely that she can’t be a good parent to her first

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The Politics of SMCs

iStock_womentalkinggrp-323x215When I first joined the national Single Mothers by Choice (SMC) organization, and my local group, I assumed the other women I would meet – virtually and in person – would be fairly similar to me.  I thought that making such an “unconventional” life choice would be a decision only left-leaning, primarily urban/coastal women would make.  I could not have been more wrong.

What I’ve found instead is an amazingly diverse community of women.  Our political affiliations are all across the spectrum.  We are gay and straight, Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, and atheist.  We are urban and rural, in the U.S. and Canada and Europe and Southeast Asia, and everywhere in-between.  We are black, white, Asian, Hispanic, and of every possible ethnic mix.  We are creative types and scientists who work from home and travel the world and are unemployed.  We are biological and adoptive moms and waiting-to-be-moms and still-thinking-about-becoming-moms. 

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Girls Can Drive Dumptrucks and Boys Can Dance

“I wish our family had two moms,” Sam says, and I am caught by surprise. I am loading the dishes into the dishwasher while Sam puts the head on his new Lego alien minifigure and Eva pulls at my pants leg begging for her bedtime cup of milk.

“Why is that?” I ask. Our family has one parent. One mom. And it’s never going to have two moms.

“Because moms are great, and if there were two moms one could play with me while the other mom puts Eva to bed.”

I’ve recently been talking to Sam about how all families are different. We have books that talk about big families and small families, families that adopt, families with two moms or two dads, families with just one parent. We have books that explain IVF and how a child can come in to the world without a dad.

“That would

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Waiting and Planning

When I started this journey I had no idea there was even a term for having a baby solo. The phrase “Single Mother by Choice” came into my line of vision in a Google search.

My neighbor started this baby party. She was hitting forty in months with no man on the horizon; she was ready to be a mother. I was 36, soon to be 37, and thought I had a whole bunch of time to find the husband and have the babies.

I attended three painful seminars at the local Reproductive Endocrinologist’s. My age was plastered in every presentation as presenting a big dilemma to my dreams of children. A review of my situation made it clear that I had many dilemmas not just one.

A bad economy, underpaid at work, a house underwater. I am living in the south when my entire family living in the north

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Dad Questions

questions or decision making conceptI rarely get asked about E’s dad but I did get asked last week by an IT guy I’ve known for many years – he was sitting at my desk working on my computer while I stood next to him. He said something like, “I see pictures of the baby but none of the dad!” Gesturing around smiling, implying that the dad was sorely underrepresented. The right answer was something like, “Oh, that guy? Yeah, it’s all about the baby now.” But instead what came out of my mouth was, “Oh, that’s because he doesn’t have a dad.” Which is what I think we all agreed is NOT what I was intending to say- I wanted to say, “Our family doesn’t have a dad” but I did go on to explain that I chose to have a baby on my own. Maybe the answer was, “That’s because I had him

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Fresh Air

A couple of days ago, I read a post on the Single Mothers by Choice (SMC) private online members’ Forum that has helped me shift into a more positive and less fearful experience of early pregnancy. Someone posted the question: how do you deal with the anxiety at this stage? There were many helpful responses, and here’s the one that stated exactly what I needed to hear:

“I had two losses before conceiving my daughter. The first was a very early chemical pregnancy, and mostly reassured me that I could get pregnant. The second was very difficult for me. When I started trying again I was afraid to get a positive result  because I was afraid it would all end again. Any who, when I finally got that positive result, I had several people who were worried for me, and at that point I decided to let them keep worrying,

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I’m Pregnant!!!

announcementYes, you read the title correctly! I’m currently 15 weeks along, and I’m very excited!!

My 1st trimester was a breeze — I was really lucky. No morning sickness at all. I hardly noticed I was pregnant, except that I was pretty tired. But it was nerve wracking not having any symptoms because I didn’t have the daily confirmation that I was still pregnant. I’m now in the clear, getting bigger and am feeling confident!

Since this is slightly unconventional, I’ll answer some Frequently Asked Questions below (no, I haven’t been asked all these questions, but I have been asked some of them, and I know you’re thinking them! :))

No, you didn’t miss anything… I’m not married.  And, no, this wasn’t an “accident.”

This was very well planned out, like many things in my life. I decided to do this because I wanted to have a baby so badly,

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The Jeep

Gracie had her wrist surgery last Monday, and it went great. It was a ganglion cyst after all—that’s what my gut was telling me, but the tests all reported that it wasn’t consistent with a ganglion—so it’s a relief to have that settled. She was really nervous about the anesthesia, but she was very brave through it all and I’m so proud of her.

My mom flew in to provide moral support, and she waited at home with Isabelle, who got to go to school late because of her sister’s surgery. We got back from the hospital about 10:15, and I swapped kids and took #2 daughter to school. Obviously Grace hadn’t had anything to eat since dinner the night before, because of the anesthesia, but as it happened, I hadn’t either. We had to be at the hospital really early, and the surgery was short enough that I didn’t

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