- "I find myself two months after receiving the welcome folder from SMC with tears in my eyes. The tears are hopeful tears as I read the responses to my laundry list of questions from other SMC’s on the adoption email list. They are tears of absolute joy and hopefulness that so many other women have pursued this journey. They’ve pursued adoption both domestically and internationally and they have these wonderfully rich stories of their journeys and of their children, each unique, none without a few bumps in the road, but that’s parenthood."
- "Being a member of SMC has given me a community of women who "get it". They understand the day to day, and always have great advice and wisdom to offer. In addition, I have made some of my closest friends through this organization!!"
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Recent Posts
Blog Archive
Mother’s Day – My Son Is Grown
Mother’s Day is my favorite day of the year. I look forward to it for months.
Why is it such an important day to me? For a good part of my adult life, I wanted to be a mother, but as the years went by, I worried that it might not happen for me. I hadn’t met the right man for me to marry, so how could I become a mom? But then, one day, I realized that even though I hadn’t found my life-partner, I could be a single mother by choice. There was even an organization that provided support and information to women like me: mature, ready for motherhood, but single. It WAS possible. Months later, I had made my dream a reality. I was a mother.
Motherhood was the center of my life for many, many years. I had enjoyed my career and had a pretty satisfying … Continue reading
Grieving A Bio Child
As I sit here writing, my house is filled with baby items from friends and freecycle. All I need is a baby. At least now I have hope—I’m on an adoption waiting list. But what a long journey it has been…
I became a thinker and joined SMC at age 39. People encouraged me to move forward, but I was stuck. I wanted a husband, then kids—the traditional family. At 40, I met someone I hoped could be Mr. Right, who turned out to be Mr. Autonomy Issues. At 41, I broke it off. I was devastated. I went into a depression, sought counseling and was stuck—I wanted biological kids, but I also wanted a traditional family. I kept thinking.
Looking back, I see how uneducated I was about fertility for women in their 40s. Despite the many women in the news having children well into their 40s, I didn’t … Continue reading
Wonder Woman
When Jamie’s name appears on the caller ID, I know it can’t be good. I always hold my breath when she calls because I imagine she might be calling to tell me they used the epi-pen and Sam is now on his way to the hospital. I am lying sideways in my Lazy-boy, trying to find a way to feel comfortable when I see her number on my cell. Every muscle and joint in my body aches and I feel much older than my forty-four years. I just brought a pyrex bowl of plain white rice back to the kitchen after sampling a few bites and deciding I wasn’t ready to eat when the phone rang.
Sometimes I call Jamie our “daycare provider” but over the years she has become so much more than that. She is a friend, an advice giver, a consultant, a teacher, a partner in crime, … Continue reading
All Kinds of Choices
Back in 2008 I was a divorced 44 year old woman, busy, happy, fulfilled. Had my own business, loved the freedom, I used to say it was no coincidence that I didn’t have a boss or a husband, or that I drove a stick shift car — I liked to be in control! I was in an on-again-off-again relationship with a great guy who (ironically) I thought was too busy with his sons from a previous marriage to devote enough time to ME (!), and we were in an “off” period. I got on Match.com, and met and briefly dated another guy, it was honestly just a 6 week fling, he was not someone I was interested in long-term, he was really just to get my mind off the OTHER guy! As I said, I was 44, I knew the facts of life. But given my age, and the fact … Continue reading
Keeping Your Sanity and Your Self While Trying to Conceive
How do you keep your sanity during this stressful time? I am past the Trying to Conceive (TTC) stage, so I say this with some perspective.
Some of it is simply that who you are is changing. The version of you who could afford this vacation, and that fancy dinner, and whatever else – that woman is changing. She is planning for her future differently. So if you were saving for a down payment on a house, or saving vacation time so you could go spend a month in Australia next year, or other major investments of time and/or money, who we are and how we allocate our resources changes. You may be looking at your social life, realizing that all those dinners out are pretty expensive, and choosing to eat out less to save money. That can happen for lots of reasons, not just TTC. It happens with married … Continue reading
Why I Am Taking the Leap
1. I am sick of living my life for myself, i.e. clothes, jewelry, facials, massages etc.
2. I love spending time with my niece and nephew, i.e. playground, zoo, reading books, bathing, feeding etc.
3. I am scared of getting old and being alone
4. I have so much love to give, but no child to give it to
5. I want the mother-child bond; I want to feel needed
6. I hate holidays, get-togethers etc. because I am the only one without a child. I feel weird not having my own family and feel like the perpetual child showing up to family gatherings
7. I feel isolated from the world at age 32 because I have no children; people my age have children. I am finding it harder and harder to connect with people since I am childless. I am already feeling more connected with others because my mind-set … Continue reading
Keeping My Future Child Safe
I have just been so sad since the story of the Trayvon Martin case came out.
I’m pregnant but don’t know if I’m having a boy or a girl. I have to admit that one little part of me, deep deep inside, has hoped Honey Badger is a boy. Someone to carry on the family “name,” which is an absolutely archaic conceit that I’m ashamed to admit that I even give any credence. But, there it is. And of course, I would love a girl too — any baby is a blessing.
But I’ve just been feeling so much pressure now of what it means to possibly be bringing up a black boy in this world. And I am so pre-emptively afraid. What if I don’t teach this kid about how to act in front of police officers? How do I help him understand that he needs to be compliant … Continue reading
I Love Mommy
My baby daughter , now four weeks old, has several outfits that say “Mommy rocks” or “I love Mommy.” But, I know that she really doesn’t understand these things and can’t form her own opinion, yet. At times the challenges of being a new mom are daunting. However, it’s no secret that I love my little baby.Here are a few of the things about her that I’m enjoying now:
1. The way she will be crying her little eyes out, I can pick her up, and it’s like suddenly shutting off the water from a gushing spigot. Some would say she’s spoiled. Well, yes, and your point?
2. The way I can get her to burp. I bounce Boop a few times, pat her back a few times, and magic: she burps like an old man.
3. The way she can give 40 different facial expressions in the span of … Continue reading
Why I Want to be a Mother Part 2
I have so much love I want to share. I want to see my child grow. I want to experience life through his or her eyes and see the world as new and exciting. I want to share the joy of the little things.
I loved taking my nephews to see my alma mater and taking them to museums and zoos and shows and can’t wait to do that with my own child.
I want to share my world view and life philosophies. I want inspire my child to imagine and do great things. I want to hold my child in my arms and stare into his or her face and sing it lullubies (I sing badly and off-key, but he/she won’t complain, I bet). I want to be surprised by the crazy things he or she says.
I want to see the joy on the face of my child … Continue reading
Why I Want to be a Mother
I want to share my vision of the world with my child/children; that life is expansive, not restrictive. that life is joyful and involves down time and bad times, but is exhilarating more often than it is draining or exhausting. I have lived in several countries, and cultures, and I want to pass on the knowledge that the world is a large place, and that there is a place and purpose for everyone, even several of each for you in one lifetime. I want to open their hearts to really believing in and pursuing their dreams.
I want to integrate them into my very large, loving family–they have numerous cousins waiting for them!
I want to teach them my native language, and pass on our rich Indian heritage to them. I want them to meet their great-grandmother, one of the greatest ladies I know. I want them to feel the … Continue reading