- "I find myself two months after joining SMC with tears in my eyes. The tears are hopeful tears as I read the responses to my laundry list of questions from other SMC’s on the Forum. They are tears of absolute joy and hopefulness that so many other women have pursued this journey. They have these wonderfully rich stories of their journeys and of their children, each unique, none without a few bumps in the road, but that’s parenthood."
- "Being a member of SMC has given me a community of women who "get it". They understand the day to day, and always have great advice and wisdom to offer. In addition, I have made some of my closest friends through this organization!!"
I am trying to conceive (ttc) and this is how I explain it to my friends when they ask.
My life as a single person is selfish. My money, time and energy go to things that please me and to do things I enjoy. Just one year ago I hopped on a plane and went to Nicaragua to learn to surf. Everything I do every single day is for me. Every single day is selfish and self centered.
I am not a selfish or self centered person in my heart, and this life is uncomfortable. I don’t like doing things to merely entertain myself, but since I have no one in my life (husband or kid) to focus on, and as I was approaching my 40s, … Continue reading
“I WANT DADDY!” Cara woke up from a late nap crying and fussing and then started screaming whaling “I WANT DADDY!” She has never expressed any desire for a dad or concern about not having a dad but there’s been a couple of threads on the Forum recently about other four-year-olds wanting dads who never really had seemed to care before. Still, she’s really shown zero interest so I thought maybe I misunderstood. Do you mean Papa? My dad. You want Papa? “NO! DADDY DADDY!” Still thinking she must be saying something else. Dani? (A good friend and babysitter.) Do you want Dani? “Nooooo! Daddy!” Getting desperate, I start throwing other ideas out: Grammy? Blankie? She gets more ticked off. “NOOOOO! DADDDY! I WANT MY DADDY!”
I give up on translating and start the talk. Ya know the one. Cara, you know we don’t have a dad in our family. … Continue reading
When I decided to become a single mother, I had to deal with society’s notions of the perfect family, and the fact that I was choosing to have a child in a way that was not ‘ideal’ or ‘normal’ by today’s standards. I had to grieve that I did not have the white picket fence and the husband rubbing my belly while it grew with our child inside, a child we got to make the fun way. I got mad and sad that this ideal was not for me and that I had to do it differently because somehow I was not good enough for the norm.
I was in a documentary years ago which followed women like myself who chose to have kids on their own. I have watched that movie so many times, and each time there is something else that stands out. This time I realized that … Continue reading
There came a time in my late-20s where I felt like my life was at a crossroad. I was stuck in a job I wasn’t crazy about with a non-existent social life and no change on the horizon. Something had to give, I just wasn’t sure what.
My first attempt at change landed me in the world of internet dating. Prior to this, I’d had a few almost-relationships, but nothing that every really got off the ground. I had several friends who had great luck on the internet, so I thought surely my Prince Charming was also only a few mouse clicks away. Boy, was I wrong! I was only attracting creeps, weirdos or men who didn’t want kids, didn’t want any more kids, or didn’t want kids anytime soon. I realized I wasn’t dating, I was interviewing potential fathers.
Forget dating – lets fix the job situation. I had a … Continue reading
Last month at youth group, when my son was asked what he was thankful for, he said, “everything.” And I’ve been thinking a lot about that … how he knows at nine to be grateful for the rain and the sun, for pain and joy.
This year isn’t ending like I thought it would, but that doesn’t mean I’m not grateful beyond belief. For closed doors and new beginnings so good that I didn’t dare dream of them myself. And for God’s grace to sustain me between the two.
For friends who are present and friends that teach me lessons. For family that’s got my back and the ones who drive me crazy (sometimes the same ones).
For doctors and medicine and treatment and access to them.
For youth group kids who teach me something new every time I’m around them. A church family of kindred spirits.
For stores who … Continue reading