How I Handle Single Parenting

“If you bungle raising your children, I don’t think whatever else you do well matters very much.” –Jackie Kennedy.

How do I handle single parenting? I just do. That’s the only way I can answer the question, “How do you do it, with two little children and a full time job?” I don’t have live-in help, I don’t have come-in help. With the exception of my elderly father there is no family help. However, I have a community of great friends and neighbors who care about my children, make me laugh and lend a hand. That makes a big difference. On the really bad days, it makes a difference between sheer despair and the determination to go on.

There’s no denying that I brought these children into the world by my own free will, and it’s my responsibility to make their childhoods happy, healthy and safe. Everyday, whether I want

Continue reading

The Baby Obsession

My daughter Eliza has become obsessed with babies.

Not these babies:

Eliza would rather put a fork in her eye than play with a doll.

But Eliza is quite keen on these kind of babies:

I have spent weeks explaining to Eliza that she is going to be the one and only baby in this household.  I’ve tried the:

Mommy  loves you so much, there is no room for another baby.

Eliza advises that we can make room for a baby, all I have to do is sleep on the couch.

Mommy is too old to have another baby.

Eliza quickly pointed out that she sees women with white hair all the time with babies and since my hair isn’t white yet, I am not too old.

Mommy has an ugly uterus (so ugly that my OB took a lovely photo, suitable for framing, since she had never seen one

Continue reading

Modern Family: Connecting with Donor Siblings

Moms hanging out at the park
Moms hanging out at the park

When I started my journey to become a Single Mother by Choice (SMC), using donor sperm from a bank, I thought I had thought through all possible scenarios. It was just two years ago that I realized I had not thought it all through. I had never thought about connections with donor siblings or donor families.

I had decided that I would tell my child about their conception from the start – no secrets. I imagined that one day, he or she might ask questions about the donor and I would answer. I chose an Open ID donor for this very reason. I figured, why not leave the door open if you can? Why shut it from the start. So, I figured we’d deal with the possibility of connecting with the donor if and when my child was ready or wanting.

I never factored

Continue reading

What Has Been My Favorite Part Of Pregnancy?

elliot-794x794I have been asked this a handful of times. The immediate things that come to mind are the little flutters, especially when I first started feeling them. Like a little bird’s wing inside me. They gave me pure joy. He’s really in there. But more-so I think my true favorite thing about being pregnant has been the feeling of hope. The unknown, which surprisingly for someone like me who needs to feel in control, isn’t scary at all to me – it’s the kind of unknown that is like a spark, an excitement, an anticipation of getting to know him. My baby. Meeting him, seeing who he is and how our world will be.

I have all the hope in the world. That’s the thing about me – this shameless, undeterred, sometimes naive optimism that has carried me through the last 40 years and unchanged by disappointments and devastations, heartbreaks

Continue reading

Brave and Amazing

“When I grow up I want to have a baby on my own by anonymous sperm donor” was not what I was thinking as a little girl. Like most girls my age I dreamt of meeting someone, falling in love and having a family. But that’s not how my life unfolded, so I decided to have a baby on my own. Once I made the decision it was easy, I was lucky enough to conceive on the first try. What was hard was everything it brought up emotionally and what it would take to feel proud of, and happy about, my life.

The first 5 years of my daughter Lulu’s life were filled with happiness, I loved being a mom and I was getting a lot of attention for having made the choice to do it on my own. My friends were telling me how amazing and brave I was.

Continue reading

Not Thinking About Thinking That I Could Be Pregnant

notthinkingI have now done everything I can to avoid thinking about the possibility that I could be pregnant this time. It’s amazing how the mind works, the barriers, coping mechanisms, whatever you want to call them, how your mind can shut off and block out something that is exciting and hopeful that could potentially be devastating. I wondered why I am thinking about my career 4x as much as I usually do and for no reason aside from the fact that it is safer to think about than thinking about not being pregnant. It’s so weird, I think about if my little egg met the best sperm ever and if it’s happening, if cells are multiplying like crazy down there inside me. It makes me happy to think about….for like 12 seconds and then my mind wanders right on over to my viability in my profession, if I should welcome

Continue reading

Choosing a Sperm Donor — Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

mustache_bw-e1412031954409-794x1063What is it about my donor that made me pick him? How on earth do you choose a sperm donor?

The weight of this decision can feel very heavy and daunting and overwhelming and and and…. But just know, if you take the time and feel great about the choice you made, whichever donor you choose, it will be the right decision. This is not to say that you should write a handful of donor numbers on little pieces of paper and pick one out of a hat. I mean, you could, but that’s leaving a lot up to the universe, which is a-ok if that’s what you want to do. But I think as you weigh the different factors of what makes each donor who they are as people, a lot of the contenders fall away immediately, while others start to really shine. And once you’ve made the choice,

Continue reading

Chasing My Biggest Dream

biggest-dreamA few months ago I decided to follow my biggest and scariest dream yet; I decided to follow my dream of being a mother, in my case a single mother.

When I first decided to go for it, I said to myself that I need time to process all the events of the past year that might have clouded my judgement. I had just ended an almost year and a half toxic relationship with a man that I loved at first, but by the end I had fallen out of love with. For some time in this past relationship, I was still willing to be with someone who I knew did not love me, who I did not love, who didn’t make me happy or appreciate me, and most importantly who had a lot of issues that made me acknowledge the fact that he could never be the father I

Continue reading

A New Year

iStock_fireworksI gave up making New Year’s resolutions a long time ago. I always aimed too high and set myself up for failure. What’s more, I’m making resolutions all year ‘round, so there doesn’t seem to be much point in forcing myself to come up with new ones just because I’m hanging up a new calendar. (Oops, there’s a resolution: upload the new photo calendar to the Costco website before February!)

So, how did I spend New Year’s Eve? We were newly home from having spent Christmas in Phoenix with family, the girls were in bed, and I was enjoying a quiet, cozy evening with a book and a glass of wine. What once would have been considered a New Year’s Eve FAIL —sitting home alone— now felt like bliss.

And I remembered that, several years before I had my kids, I had improvised my own New Year’s Eve ritual. I

Continue reading

Happy Holidays from SMC

Happy Holidays from SMC!

Thanks to your support and participation, this has been a wonderful year for SMC.  

 I hope that the coming year brings you all of the good things you’re wishing for – – and even more.  

Best Regards,

Jane Mattes,  SMC Founder & Director

If you’re a single woman who is thinking about single motherhood or trying to adopt or conceive, or already a mom. we’d love to have you join us!

Our blog will return next week.

Continue reading
X

Forgot Password?

Join Us

Password Reset
Please enter your e-mail address. You will receive a new password via e-mail.