Keeping Your Sanity and Your Self While Trying to Conceive

How do you keep your sanity during this stressful time? I am past the Trying to Conceive (TTC) stage, so I say this with some perspective.

Some of it is simply that who you are is changing. The version of you who could afford this vacation, and that fancy dinner, and whatever else – – that woman is changing. She is planning for her future differently. So if you were saving for a down payment on a house, or saving vacation time so you could go spend a month in Australia next year, or other major investments of time and/or money, who we are and how we allocate our resources changes. You may be looking at your social life, realizing that all those dinners out are pretty expensive, and choosing to eat out less to save money. That can happen for lots of reasons, not just TTC. It happens with

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Adventures In Baby-proofing

As a mom, I wanted to protect my sweet children from all the dangers in our home and in the world.  But my oblivious kids simply wanted to explore and touch everything and be free.  The more restrictions I placed on them, the more easily and gleefully they appeared to thwart my plans.

How many of you reading this actually baby-proofed your home while you were still pregnant?  You know who you are.  I am one of YOU.  I craved control ….in a dangerous world.  I loved the idea that I could prevent danger.  I wished the world, at large, was a place that could be danger-proofed.  How lovely a place the world would be if all the sharp corners were cushioned!  Control…is fleeting…illusory even…..and, in the end, unlikely.  Baby-proofing is the way mothers are introduced to this Life lesson.

It starts on the day your sweet 2 year old

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Why I Am Taking the Leap

1. I am sick of living my life for myself, i.e. clothes, jewelry, facials, massages etc.
2. I love spending time with my niece and nephew, i.e. playground, zoo, reading books, bathing, feeding etc.
3. I am scared of getting old and being alone
4. I have so much love to give, but no child to give it to
5. I want the mother-child bond; I want to feel needed
6. I hate holidays, get-togethers etc. because I am the only one without a child. I feel weird not having my own family and feel like the perpetual child showing up to family gatherings
7. I feel isolated from the world at age 32 because I have no children; people my age have children. I am finding it harder and harder to connect with people since I am childless. I am already feeling more connected with others because my mind-set

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Keeping My Future Child Safe

I’m pregnant but don’t know if I’m having a boy or a girl. I have to admit that one little part of me, deep deep inside, has hoped Honey Badger is a boy. Someone to carry on the family “name,” which is an absolutely archaic conceit that I’m ashamed to admit that I even give any credence. But, there it is. And of course, I would love a girl too — any baby is a blessing.

But I’ve just been feeling so much pressure now of what it means to possibly be bringing up a black boy in this world. And I am so pre-emptively afraid. What if I don’t teach this kid about how to act in front of police officers? How do I help him understand that he needs to be compliant around people who would find him “suspicious,” even if he’s done nothing wrong, without breaking his

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I Love Mommy

My baby daughter , now four weeks old,  has several outfits that say “Mommy rocks” or “I love Mommy.” But, I know that she really doesn’t understand these things and can’t form her own opinion, yet.  At times the challenges of being a new mom are daunting. However, it’s no secret that I love my little baby.

Here are a few of the things about her that I’m enjoying now:

1.       The way she will be crying her little eyes out, I can pick her up, and it’s like suddenly shutting off the water from a gushing spigot. Some would say she’s spoiled. Well, yes, and your point?
2.        The way I can get her to burp.  I bounce Boop a few times, pat her back a few times, and magic: she burps like an old man.
3.       The way she can give 40 different facial expressions in the span
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Setting a Date

I just turned 29. All the time I hear “you’re so young”, “wait for Mr. Right”, “you’ve got plenty of time”, from people I talk to about my choice to become a single mother. I’m not exactly shouting it from the rooftops, but I’m not shy about it either. People think I have plenty of time, but I don’t feel like I have plenty of time. And ultimately, its my choice. So the term “thinker” doesn’t seem to fit me anymore. I consider myself a “planner”. I’m making plans, getting things ready.

I want to have an awesome 30th birthday party. I have my girlfriends all ready to do something big. It’s going to be my bachelorette. I think that’s reasonable. I’m going to go from single girl to mother. That’s way more of a commitment of time, energy, and freedom than getting married. I’m settling down, just not with

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A New Year

iStock_fireworksI gave up making New Year’s resolutions a long time ago. I always aimed too high and set myself up for failure. What’s more, I’m making resolutions all year ‘round, so there doesn’t seem to be much point in forcing myself to come up with new ones just because I’m hanging up a new calendar. (Oops, there’s a resolution: upload the new photo calendar to the Costco website before February!)

So, how did I spend New Year’s Eve? We were newly home from having spent Christmas in Phoenix with family, the girls were in bed, and I was enjoying a quiet, cozy evening with a book and a glass of wine. What once would have been considered a New Year’s Eve FAIL —sitting home alone— now felt like bliss.

And I remembered that, several years before I had my kids, I had improvised my own New Year’s Eve ritual. I

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A New Year

iStock_fireworksI gave up making New Year’s resolutions a long time ago. I always aimed too high and set myself up for failure. What’s more, I’m making resolutions all year ‘round, so there doesn’t seem to be much point in forcing myself to come up with new ones just because I’m hanging up a new calendar. (Oops, there’s a resolution: upload the new photo calendar to the Costco website before February!)

So, how did I spend New Year’s Eve? We were newly home from having spent Christmas in Phoenix with family, the girls were in bed, and I was enjoying a quiet, cozy evening with a book and a glass of wine. What once would have been considered a New Year’s Eve FAIL —sitting home alone— now felt like bliss.

And I remembered that, several years before I had my kids, I had improvised my own New Year’s Eve ritual. I

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Choosing My Donor

 How does one choose the other half of their child’s genetics? On what do you base that kind of decision? In a typical nuclear family, the other half of a child is chosen by love. You fall in love and want to produce a child that is half of each of you. Well…I didn’t fall in love yet. I didn’t get married yet. I just want a child. So what do I use to pick that genetic “other half”?

I can tell you it’s a stressful process. I “know”, in my mind, that no matter what sperm I choose, I will have the child I was meant to have. I “know” that whatever choice I make will be the perfect one. But I can’t convince my emotional side. I really thought I could take the emotion out of it. My rational side wins out a fair amount of the time,

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It’s These Moments That Catch Me

momhuggingboy_SmallIt’s these moments that catch me.   This morning before work, way too early for my liking, I walked my three year old son and his bestie Elmo to his car seat and strapped him in. As he often does, he smiled and asked, “Hug, Mommy?” after I fastened his seat belt. I leaned in and hugged him, feeling the strength of his tiny little arms pulling me in.

I then brought my daughter’s infant car seat around and fastened it in place, bending over to kiss her downy head as she slept through the whole process, more beautiful than I have words to describe, cooing softly and smiling.

It’s these moments that catch me. When I am doing everyday Mommy things and I get blown away with how much I love these itty bitty humans that am privileged to call my children.

I loved my life pre-kids, I orchestrated great

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