My Circuitous Route to Adoption

windingroadjpgAs I sit here writing, my house is filled with baby items from friends and freecycle. All I need is a baby. At least now I have hope—I’m on an adoption waiting list. But what a long journey it has been…

I became a thinker and joined Single Mothers by Choice (SMC) at age 39. People encouraged me to move forward, but I was stuck. I wanted a husband, then kids—the traditional family. At 40, I met someone I hoped could be Mr. Right, who turned out to be Mr. Autonomy Issues. At 41, I broke it off. I was devastated. I went into a depression, sought counseling and was stuck—I wanted biological kids, but I also wanted a traditional family. I kept thinking.

Looking back, I see how uneducated I was about fertility for women in their 40s. Despite the many women in the news having children well into

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Good Lord!

headbrainjpgGood lord”, said my therapist
when I told her I was trying to have another baby with my husband.  “You haven’t even recovered from your other 2 baby losses.  And all you do with your husband is fight. You don’t even seem to like him.”

“Good lord”, said my therapist when I told her about all the infertility things I was now going through again, for a third time. The mood changing Clomid, every diet known to increase fertility, 2x a week acupuncture, awful tasting tea made by a  Chinese pharmacy in Chinatown, and lots of lots of awful, awful timed sex, timed with the very best in $299 ovulation predictor kits. “Are you sure you want to put yourself through this now? I think you should SLOW DOWN you’re not even 35 yet. And you and your husband are not getting along.

”Good lord”, said my therapist when I

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I was Never a Thinker

bike_rideI was never a thinker. I always knew that someday, somehow, I would be a mother. I remember being a teenager and saying to myself: “Self, if I’m not married by the time I’m 35, I’ll just have a baby on my own.”

Today is my son’s 9th birthday. It still boggles my mind.

There are mornings when I wake up and it strikes me all anew—there’s a child in the room next door and that child is mine. I’M A MOTHER. I want to scream it to the world. The word single doesn’t really enter into the equation. Yes, I’m a single mother. Yes, I did this on my own, consciously choosing to have a child who wouldn’t have a tangible father in his life. And we’re a family, a perfect little unit that suits us just fine. His friends know he doesn’t have a dad and sometimes they

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Thinking

Happy woman at officeA New Beginning??

Here’s what I want. I want a baby. I am 39 years old. I am single. I have never been in a long term relationship. I am facing the reality that it is just not going to happen for me in time to have a baby.

I have always wanted kids. When I was a kid I wanted to be a mom. I used to love to babysit. I don’t so much love babies, per se, as kids. I am great with children. I have 3 little brothers who I have essentially helped raise. They are now 16, 13 and 8. I am lucky to have them in my life. And now I want my own.

I am now facing the reality of having a baby on my own. By myself.

I am terrified. I have been thinking about this for years but it is starting to

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Welcome to Our Blog!

Jane_Headshot_2_2-150x150I am pleased to announce the start of a blog for the Single Mothers by Choice (SMC) organization. I started SMC in 1981, soon after I gave birth to my son, Eric. I wanted support from other women like me (37, educated, single) and by the miracle of networking and word of mouth, several of us found one another and began meeting in my NYC living room.

We were in our 30’s, and were in varying stages of the process (thinking, trying to conceive, pregnant, adopting). We realized quickly that although we were from differing backgrounds and points of view, we had an important bond — we wanted to share our experiences as new single moms, and provide support and information to women who are thinking about or working on becoming single mothers. We became more organized as we grew in numbers, and chapters started growing up in other large

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