Category Archives: donor insemination

No Dad? No Problem. Meet The Moms Who Opt In Forever And Aren’t Complaining.

By Paula Szuchman

IMG_3907Editor’s note – Last year, Szuchman reached out to the Single Mothers by Choice group requesting to speak with moms in the group for a story regarding the debate over “opting-out.” Following is her article from “Women in the World” on The Daily Beast.

At 35, Talia Braude left her job at a high-end architecture firm in Manhattan to be her own boss.

At 38, she bought a vial of sperm, via the California Cryobank, from a guy with blue eyes who is an avowed atheist.

At 39, she became a single mom.

Talia and her baby boy, now 10 weeks old, live in a fourth-floor walkup with a cat named Jini, in a Brooklyn brownstone she renovated with her business partner. As her own boss, she doesn’t exactly get paid maternity leave, so she went back to work pretty quickly, her sister helping out with the

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Posted in adoption, donor insemination, motherhood, parenthood, single mom, single mother by choice, single motherhood, single mothers, single parent, single women, SMC, solo mother, solo parenting, sperm donor | Leave a comment

Getting Started: Questions to Ask Yourself

Thinking woman looking up on many question signs above head isolatedYou’ve had that incredible moment — the zing of excitement that comes when you realize the child (or children!) you’ve wanted can still be yours, even if you are single. But how do you know that single motherhood is right for you? And what path to motherhood should you take? There are a lot of things to consider before you decide to begin your journey. Here are some to get you started:

What are my options for becoming a mom? How much does each option cost? What options are financially feasible for me?
If you have good health insurance, doing donor insemination via IUI or IVF could be very inexpensive; if not, it can get pretty expensive. Adoption can be very pricey depending on the route you take. If you are open to DCFS adoption, it’s much less expensive, but private adoption generally runs $30K – $40K; international adoption can

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Posted in adoption, adoption agency, decision, donor insemination, emryo donation, IVF, motherhood, parenthood, single, single mom, single mother by choice, single motherhood, single mothers, single parent, SMC, solo mother, solo parenting, thinking, trying to conceive, ttc | Leave a comment

The Politics of SMCs

When I first joined the national SMC organization and my local group, I assumed the other women I would meet – virtually and in person – would be fairly similar to me.  I thought that making such an “unconventional” life choice would be a decision only left-leaning, primarily urban/coastal women would make.  I could not have been more wrong.

What I’ve found instead is an amazingly diverse community of women.  Our political affiliations are all across the spectrum.  We are gay and straight, Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, and atheist.  We are urban and rural, in the U.S. and Canada and Europe and Southeast Asia, and everywhere in-between.  We are black, white, Asian, Hispanic, and of every possible ethnic mix.  We are creative types and scientists who work from home and travel the world and are unemployed.  We are biological and adoptive moms and waiting-to-be-moms and still-thinking-about-becoming-moms.  About the only way

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Posted in adoption, donor insemination, insemination, single, single mom, single mother by choice, single motherhood, single mothers, single parent, single women, SMC, solo mother, solo parenting, sperm, sperm donor, trying to conceive | 2 Comments

Deciding Whether Or Not To Become an SMC

questions or decision making conceptChoosing whether or not to become an SMC is a very personal decision. And no one can make this decision for you. Only you can figure out which path is right for you and which will make you happiest and most fulfilled.

That said, of course there are hundreds of ways of living child-free, just as there are hundreds of ways of living with children. Each person has to decide what parts of her/his life she/he wants to explore or expand. Everyone’s going to find fulfillment in a different way. Some will travel. Some will study and learn. Some will explore their own creativity.

For everyone who had a difficult road to parenthood, there’s another who became pregnant on the first try. For everyone who felt that the first few months were impossibly difficult and exhausting, there’s another who felt that everything was smooth sailing. For everyone whose child was

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Posted in decision, donor insemination, motherhood, single mom, single mother by choice, single motherhood, single mothers, single women, SMC, solo mother, solo parenting | Leave a comment

I Miss My Daddy; I Am My Daddy

My father was not a perfect man, but he was a wonderful Daddy.

He died 12:05am, January 2, 1998.

Like so many things in my life, this whole SMC journey would be very different if he were still with me.  I know for a fact that he would struggle with it — that he would be afraid that I was saying the role he played in my life was not important because of my saying that I could raise a child without a father.  (We actually had a piece of that discussion before he died.  I wish we had finished it.)

On the flip side, I believe he would be proud of me and support me and tell me I will be a good mother.  And I know he’d be a wonderful father figure to have in my child’s life.

See, my parents had reverse roles in a lot of

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Posted in daddy question, donor insemination, father, Father's Day, motherhood, single mom, single mother by choice, single motherhood, single mothers, single parent, single women, SMC, solo mother, solo parenting | Leave a comment

Forty Years, One Month & One Day

momgirlWhen I worked at a preschool summer camp, I saw two types of parents:

The 20s - they’d swoop in, looking harried and often exhausted, gather child in one arm and gear in another, and disappear as quickly as they arrived.

The 40s - they’d saunter in, spot their child, and begin a delighted tour of the events of the day, observing artwork and snack remnants with equal and genuine interest.I was nineteen at the time, and learning a lot about parenting observationally. I understood why the 20s were so strung out: their time and resources were over-stretched. They became parents as soon as they were able, and that meant sacrificing self-building and life-building in order to parent at the healthiest point in their lives.

The 40s…well, who knows why they waited. But though their energy levels were lower, their attitudes and resources blew the 20s out of the water.

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Posted in donor insemination, single mom, single mother by choice, single motherhood, single mothers, single parent, single women, SMC, solo mother, solo parenting, sperm donor, trying to conceive, ttc | 3 Comments

One Compromise I Couldn’t Make

MMMSecret-224x400I have always wanted to be a mother.  By the time I was five, I was hanging out in the church infant nursery with my mother, rocking babies rather than attending my own Sunday school class.  In Girl Scouts my favorite activities were teaching games and songs and such to younger troops.  In elementary school, when my friends were drawing pictures of wedding dresses in school, I was making lists of the names I would give the 16 or so children I wanted.  I babysat in high school because I enjoyed it – I couldn’t have cared less what I was paid for doing it.  I worked at summer camps while in college and LOVED working with children.  When her parents came to pick her up, one of my campers told her mom I wanted to be a Mommy.  I was mortified.  I was afraid I’d said or done something

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Posted in donor insemination, fertility, insemination, motherhood, single mom, single mother by choice, single motherhood, single mothers, single parent, single women, SMC, solo mother, solo parenting, sperm donor, trying to conceive, ttc | 5 Comments

Crabby

momchildI noticed this morning, rushing to meet friends and go to a new play space, that I was feeling crabby. I was rushing my two-year-old, Sage, along, and being abrupt with my SMC friend’s five year old (who I had offered to watch for the morning.)

And I was watching myself, as if from a distance, thinking, “What do I have to be snappy about?”

I had almost no plans this weekend, and I got up Saturday morning and put away the laundry and went grocery shopping. And Saturday afternoon I did a big cooking project, so I wouldn’t have to cook for a few days.

So what do I have to feel stressed out about?

My parents were awfully short tempered, and it wasn’t a nice way to grow up.

And I notice that I am quick to correct Sage, quick to instill consequences. I don’t know how much

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Posted in donor insemination, motherhood, single mom, single mother by choice, single motherhood, single mothers, single parent, SMC, solo mother, solo parenting, toddler | 2 Comments

On Being a Single Mother by Choice

mombabyToday I went to a local SMC meeting—the first I’ve attended since my son’s birth 3 months ago. It was at a local playground on a beautiful day. And there were so many beautiful women with their beautiful children. There were actually quite a few of us with infants under a year of age. It’s always empowering and inspiring for me to attend these meetings. And as my son grows up, I hope it will be for him too — to see other families like his, and feel it is completely “normal.”

Interestingly, I was discussing with another SMC who has a 6 month old how life is so different “on this side.” No more dating, late nights at bars or dancing. No more wondering if “he”will ever call you back. Totally liberating and sweet. That other life I had— it was good for a while, but I knew I

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Posted in donor insemination, single mom, single mother by choice, single motherhood, single mothers, single parent, SMC, solo mother, solo parenting | 1 Comment

Pregnancy Loneliness

Greetings from the other side of pregnancy! A recent post on the SMC online Forum got me reminiscing about my pregnancy. I found being single and pregnant with twins one of the most difficult and lonely periods of my life. I had planned and budgeted for a singleton and kept my fingers crossed that I wouldn’t have a multiple pregnancy, but lucky me, I got a two-for-one discount from the sperm bank. I’m actually quite happy about it now, but it was not good news for me at first.

At the time I was definitely excited, but the feelings of excitement were so overwhelmed by intense fear, sadness, and guilt. I was so scared about being a single mom to two infants that if I thought about it for too long I would get the shakes and my eyes would well up. I would just take a deep breath and

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Posted in alone, baby, decision, donor insemination, hope, insemination, motherhood, parenthood, pregnancy, pregnant, single, single mom, single mother by choice, single motherhood, single mothers, single parent, single women, SMC, solo mother, solo parenting, twins | 6 Comments