Category Archives: donor insemination

Open Source Family

DYI MomThe day after my donor conceived son was born, Abby, my birth partner, or who I called my birth maid, told me, she had had a conversation about marriage with my dad in the car on the way back to the houseboat from the hospital. She had asked him why parents are so obsessed with their children getting married. My dad had said that he suspected that it was really about passing along genes and ensuring that the family continued. Did he care whether I got married now that I had given him a grandchild? she asked.

“Absolutely not,” he said.

My mom stayed with us for the first month after I brought Alexander home, which was a complete blur. The main thing I remember is we got adopted by a seagull that would show up on my dock and literally knock on the door with his beak around the

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Posted in donor insemination, donor siblings, DSR, motherhood, parenthood, single mom, single mother by choice, single motherhood, single mothers, single parent, single women, SMC, solo mother, solo parenting, sperm donor | Leave a comment

What is an SMC?

momchildAn SMC is a single mother by choice. As I ventured deeper into this world and joined the SMC organization, I discovered there were many thousands of women like me here in the US and around the world. We share similar stories, similar hopes and dreams, and yet can   also be very different in our backgrounds and values. I interact with SMCs every day, and in hearing their stories, realized how unremarkable my own journey is.

Single moms certainly are not unusual, but the basic difference is that most SMCs identify themselves quite strongly as women who have made a decision not to wait for marriage, and who have carefully considered the social, emotional, financial, and legal issues before proceeding to become mothers on their own.   

Occasionally I toss out the term SMC in conversation, perhaps because I hope it becomes less of an unusual idea. Sometimes I’m surprised

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Posted in donor insemination, motherhood, single, single mom, single mother by choice, single motherhood, single mothers, single parent, single women, SMC, solo mother, solo parenting | Leave a comment

I’m Not Alone!! Oh Great Goddess, I am NOT ALONE!

Unless you are nearing or over 40, single and childless, you cannot imagine how I feel and that’s not your fault – we are just living different experiences. I have not been able to express to my friends how it FEELS to be in my situation, but I am now connected with other women who TRULY understand what it’s like to want a child so much that they will do it on her own – even when deep down they really want the whole family package. Seriously, if we were given more time biologically, we would wait for the right relationship, but we don’t have that luxury.

It means so much to me to have access to people who are going through what I am going through and to share their experiences too. The more I read on the SMC Forum, the more convinced I am that I am making

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Posted in donor insemination, single, single mother by choice, single motherhood, single mothers, single parent, single women, SMC, solo mother, solo parenting, thinking | 3 Comments

A Letter to J’s Teacher

Girl eating lunch at kindergartenNext week J starts “big kid school” and this is the letter I will be giving her new teacher:

Hi Miss C —

I am excited for J to be in your class this year; she’s excited for “school” to start.

I would like to explain a little bit about our family. We are a mom-and-kid family – I am a single mother by choice. There is no father involved in J’s life, nor has there ever been; there was no divorce, separation or death. Of course, J has an extended family, a Nana and many “aunties” and “uncles” (but no father and no brothers or sisters).

J’s understanding of our family structure is evolving. One of her favorite books is “The Family Book,” which explains that families come in all sizes and configurations.  We also read an age-appropriate story about her unconventional conception.  I bring this to your attention

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Posted in adoption, daddy question, donor insemination, family, single mom, single mother by choice, single motherhood, single mothers, single parent, SMC, solo mother, solo parenting | 3 Comments

No Dad? No Problem. Meet The Moms Who Opt In Forever And Aren’t Complaining.

By Paula Szuchman

IMG_3907Editor’s note – Last year, Szuchman reached out to the Single Mothers by Choice group requesting to speak with moms in the group for a story regarding the debate over “opting-out.” Following is her article from “Women in the World” on The Daily Beast.

At 35, Talia Braude left her job at a high-end architecture firm in Manhattan to be her own boss.

At 38, she bought a vial of sperm, via the California Cryobank, from a guy with blue eyes who is an avowed atheist.

At 39, she became a single mom.

Talia and her baby boy, now 10 weeks old, live in a fourth-floor walkup with a cat named Jini, in a Brooklyn brownstone she renovated with her business partner. As her own boss, she doesn’t exactly get paid maternity leave, so she went back to work pretty quickly, her sister helping out with the

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Posted in adoption, donor insemination, motherhood, parenthood, single mom, single mother by choice, single motherhood, single mothers, single parent, single women, SMC, solo mother, solo parenting, sperm donor | Leave a comment

Getting Started: Questions to Ask Yourself

Thinking woman looking up on many question signs above head isolatedYou’ve had that incredible moment — the zing of excitement that comes when you realize the child (or children!) you’ve wanted can still be yours, even if you are single. But how do you know that single motherhood is right for you? And what path to motherhood should you take? There are a lot of things to consider before you decide to begin your journey. Here are some to get you started:

What are my options for becoming a mom? How much does each option cost? What options are financially feasible for me?
If you have good health insurance, doing donor insemination via IUI or IVF could be very inexpensive; if not, it can get pretty expensive. Adoption can be very pricey depending on the route you take. If you are open to DCFS adoption, it’s much less expensive, but private adoption generally runs $30K – $40K; international adoption can

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Posted in adoption, adoption agency, decision, donor insemination, emryo donation, IVF, motherhood, parenthood, single, single mom, single mother by choice, single motherhood, single mothers, single parent, SMC, solo mother, solo parenting, thinking, trying to conceive, ttc | 1 Comment

The Politics of SMCs

When I first joined the national SMC organization and my local group, I assumed the other women I would meet – virtually and in person – would be fairly similar to me.  I thought that making such an “unconventional” life choice would be a decision only left-leaning, primarily urban/coastal women would make.  I could not have been more wrong.

What I’ve found instead is an amazingly diverse community of women.  Our political affiliations are all across the spectrum.  We are gay and straight, Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, and atheist.  We are urban and rural, in the U.S. and Canada and Europe and Southeast Asia, and everywhere in-between.  We are black, white, Asian, Hispanic, and of every possible ethnic mix.  We are creative types and scientists who work from home and travel the world and are unemployed.  We are biological and adoptive moms and waiting-to-be-moms and still-thinking-about-becoming-moms.  About the only way

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Posted in adoption, donor insemination, insemination, single, single mom, single mother by choice, single motherhood, single mothers, single parent, single women, SMC, solo mother, solo parenting, sperm, sperm donor, trying to conceive | 2 Comments

Deciding Whether Or Not To Become an SMC

questions or decision making conceptChoosing whether or not to become an SMC is a very personal decision. And no one can make this decision for you. Only you can figure out which path is right for you and which will make you happiest and most fulfilled.

That said, of course there are hundreds of ways of living child-free, just as there are hundreds of ways of living with children. Each person has to decide what parts of her/his life she/he wants to explore or expand. Everyone’s going to find fulfillment in a different way. Some will travel. Some will study and learn. Some will explore their own creativity.

For everyone who had a difficult road to parenthood, there’s another who became pregnant on the first try. For everyone who felt that the first few months were impossibly difficult and exhausting, there’s another who felt that everything was smooth sailing. For everyone whose child was

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Posted in decision, donor insemination, motherhood, single mom, single mother by choice, single motherhood, single mothers, single women, SMC, solo mother, solo parenting | Leave a comment

I Miss My Daddy; I Am My Daddy

My father was not a perfect man, but he was a wonderful Daddy.

He died 12:05am, January 2, 1998.

Like so many things in my life, this whole SMC journey would be very different if he were still with me.  I know for a fact that he would struggle with it — that he would be afraid that I was saying the role he played in my life was not important because of my saying that I could raise a child without a father.  (We actually had a piece of that discussion before he died.  I wish we had finished it.)

On the flip side, I believe he would be proud of me and support me and tell me I will be a good mother.  And I know he’d be a wonderful father figure to have in my child’s life.

See, my parents had reverse roles in a lot of

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Posted in daddy question, donor insemination, father, Father's Day, motherhood, single mom, single mother by choice, single motherhood, single mothers, single parent, single women, SMC, solo mother, solo parenting | Leave a comment

Forty Years, One Month & One Day

momgirlWhen I worked at a preschool summer camp, I saw two types of parents:

The 20s - they’d swoop in, looking harried and often exhausted, gather child in one arm and gear in another, and disappear as quickly as they arrived.

The 40s - they’d saunter in, spot their child, and begin a delighted tour of the events of the day, observing artwork and snack remnants with equal and genuine interest.I was nineteen at the time, and learning a lot about parenting observationally. I understood why the 20s were so strung out: their time and resources were over-stretched. They became parents as soon as they were able, and that meant sacrificing self-building and life-building in order to parent at the healthiest point in their lives.

The 40s…well, who knows why they waited. But though their energy levels were lower, their attitudes and resources blew the 20s out of the water.

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Posted in donor insemination, single mom, single mother by choice, single motherhood, single mothers, single parent, single women, SMC, solo mother, solo parenting, sperm donor, trying to conceive, ttc | 5 Comments