Category Archives: donor insemination
I noticed this morning, rushing to meet friends and go to a new play space, that I was feeling crabby. I was rushing my two-year-old, Sage, along, and being abrupt with my SMC friend’s five year old (who I had offered to watch for the morning.)
And I was watching myself, as if from a distance, thinking, “What do I have to be snappy about?”
I had almost no plans this weekend, and I got up Saturday morning and put away the laundry and went grocery shopping. And Saturday afternoon I did a big cooking project, so I wouldn’t have to cook for a few days.
So what do I have to feel stressed out about?
My parents were awfully short tempered, and it wasn’t a nice way to grow up.
And I notice that I am quick to correct Sage, quick to instill consequences. I don’t know how much … Continue reading
Today I went to a local SMC meeting—the first I’ve attended since my son’s birth 3 months ago. It was at a local playground on a beautiful day. And there were so many beautiful women with their beautiful children. There were actually quite a few of us with infants under a year of age. It’s always empowering and inspiring for me to attend these meetings. And as my son grows up, I hope it will be for him too — to see other families like his, and feel it is completely “normal.”
Interestingly, I was discussing with another SMC who has a 6 month old how life is so different “on this side.” No more dating, late nights at bars or dancing. No more wondering if “he”will ever call you back. Totally liberating and sweet. That other life I had— it was good for a while, but I knew I … Continue reading
Greetings from the other side of pregnancy! A recent post on the SMC online Forum got me reminiscing about my pregnancy. I found being single and pregnant with twins one of the most difficult and lonely periods of my life. I had planned and budgeted for a singleton and kept my fingers crossed that I wouldn’t have a multiple pregnancy, but lucky me, I got a two-for-one discount from the sperm bank. I’m actually quite happy about it now, but it was not good news for me at first.
At the time I was definitely excited, but the feelings of excitement were so overwhelmed by intense fear, sadness, and guilt. I was so scared about being a single mom to two infants that if I thought about it for too long I would get the shakes and my eyes would well up. I would just take a deep breath and … Continue reading
Early in my parenting journey, I used to get extremely irritated by this phrase, and spent some time navel-gazing, trying to figure out why it bothered me so much. I never really came up with a satisfactory explanation. Was it because I was insecure in my abilities and that insecurity was exacerbated by having someone else point out how difficult single parenting is? Was it because people who say they don’t know how I do “it” don’t really understand what “it” is, so the statement is meaningless — because it merely exposes a lack of critical thinking on their part? Was it because I was uncomfortable being made out to be some kind of superwoman? Was it because making a big deal of my situation seemed to devalue the … Continue reading
I am trying to conceive (ttc) and this is how I explain it to my friends when they ask.
My life as a single person is selfish. My money, time and energy go to things that please me and to do things I enjoy. Just one year ago I hopped on a plane and went to Nicaragua to learn to surf. Everything I do every single day is for me. Every single day is selfish and self centered.
I am not a selfish or self centered person in my heart, and this life is uncomfortable. I don’t like doing things to merely entertain myself, but since I have no one in my life (husband or kid) to focus on, and as I was approaching my 40s, … Continue reading
“I WANT DADDY!” Cara woke up from a late nap crying and fussing and then started screaming whaling “I WANT DADDY!” She has never expressed any desire for a dad or concern about not having a dad but there’s been a couple of threads on the Forum recently about other four-year-olds wanting dads who never really had seemed to care before. Still, she’s really shown zero interest so I thought maybe I misunderstood. Do you mean Papa? My dad. You want Papa? “NO! DADDY DADDY!” Still thinking she must be saying something else. Dani? (A good friend and babysitter.) Do you want Dani? “Nooooo! Daddy!” Getting desperate, I start throwing other ideas out: Grammy? Blankie? She gets more ticked off. “NOOOOO! DADDDY! I WANT MY DADDY!”
I give up on translating and start the talk. Ya know the one. Cara, you know we don’t have a dad in our family. … Continue reading