Category Archives: parent

We Wanted To Be Moms

When I turned thirty-five the last thing on my mind was becoming a mother. I had spent my late teens, twenties, and early thirties so wrapped up in myself, the thought of having the responsibility of a child was submerged somewhere between marriage and home ownership.  I was content being a perennial student, keeping a day job, and sabotaging potentially long-term relationships.  Then, some time in my thirty-fifth year, an unprecedented urge pierced my thoughts, rattling my body like an alarm clock, only this was purely biological.

My boyfriend at the time did not want children.  I wasn’t asking him to marry me, I remember thinking. In fact it did not matter if we even stayed together.  I just needed him to get me pregnant.  I could handle the rest on my own.  During the next few weeks, it became apparent to me that there were many reasons for me … Continue reading

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Testing The Waters

My mother and I just finished a phone conversation about my plans for the upcoming weekend. We discussed how the guy I’m currently casually dating is not coming to visit (he lives 2.5 hours away) because he has to work tomorrow. In the past month, he and I have backed off a bit, mainly because I’m busy, he’s busy, and yeah, it’s long distance. I really like him and could see myself marrying/having kids with him, but he’s older and already has two teenagers (ages 15 and 13). He has a lot of drama in his life unrelated to me, and while he says he wants to eventually get married and have more kids, part of me doesn’t believe him. The two he has are close to 18, and he’ll then be done paying formal child support. Part of me thinks he’s just telling me he wants more kids because … Continue reading

Posted in donor insemination, parent, single mother by choice, single motherhood, single mothers, SMC, solo mother, trying to conceive, ttc | 9 Comments

Working My Way Toward Becoming An SMC

So, here I am, working my way toward becoming a single mother by choice – reading books and articles, taking advantage of a great local SMC group, haunting the online SMC Forum for insights and information, surfing cryobank donor lists. I’m dotting all the “i”s and crossing all the “t”s, taking  pre-natal vitamins, trying to eat better and get more sleep. I’m making lists and generally trying to stay in control of everything I can.

And I’m laughing. Because if there’s anything I’ve learned from my friends who are parents, my own parents and the kids in my family, it’s that being a good (and not insane) parent has a lot less to do with how in control you are and a lot more to do with how well you deal with all the things you can’t control. And, wow, is this process a test of those skills. I can Continue reading

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The Question Gets Asked

If you are an SMC, you know the question to which refer. I’ve waited anxiously for my son to ask the Daddy Question. Everything I’ve read says our young children are eager to know more about their unique family structure and origins. As soon as they learn the name for people in their home and for the people in their friends’ homes, children are supposed to ask. So I waited. I prepared. I rehearsed. You wouldn’t think it would take this much planning just to present the truth. I came up with my script. I wrote out the words. I revised them as I practiced the conversation. I bought picture books that other moms said were good for telling and talking. I read those books to Henry. He much preferred The Cat in the Hat and Goodnight Moon. I waited some more. When would he ask? When would he want … Continue reading

Posted in dad, daddy question, donor, donor insemination, parent, single mother by choice, single motherhood, single mothers, single parent, SMC, solo mother, solo parenting | 12 Comments

Chanukah Traditions

In my family, Chanukah was (and is) observed primarily as a children’s holiday. No gifts are exchanged from children to adults or between adults. Chanukah, when I was growing up, was about lighting candles (for many years these were the only blessings I could say in Hebrew because I had memorized them), eating premade latkes (potato pancakes). My mother is generally a good cook but she cannot bake and she cannot make “Jewish food”), and getting gifts–until you reached college age. After that, it was just candles and latkes.  We were taught that the heart of the holiday was the struggle for religious freedom, which resonated with what I learned about American history in school.  Chanukah wasn’t just “the Jewish Christmas.”

When I became an adult, I lit candles in my own home, usually without the latkes and definitely without the gifts.  I fell in with a motley crew of other adults … Continue reading

Posted in Chanukah, child, children, motherhood, parent, parenting, single mom, single mother by choice, single motherhood, single mothers, single parent, SMC, solo mother | Leave a comment

Mentoring Meeting

“I was just thinking last night, ‘I wonder what K will tell me tomorrow?’”

That was my mentor’s response. “What’s new?” asked my mentor. I reared back in my seat to reveal my bump. Her eyes were as big as saucers. I think she immediately knew what I meant, but she had to catch herself and asked, “Are you….?” I confirmed that I was indeed pregnant. She was so happy for me and announced, “Oh, I want to be Aunt L!” She confessed that she was always intrigued by what I would say each month when we met. But, boy, she never expected anything like this! It was nice to see that she was so supportive and offered her help if I needed anything. “Sometimes, you just need to tell people what you need and let them take care of it.” And subtly cautioned me on my ardent independence.

Of … Continue reading

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What We Are Thankful For

Some of our members recently posted about what they are thankful for as we approached the Thanksgiving holiday here in the US. These are some of their representative thoughts, and here’s hoping that everyone had a good Thanksgiving.

My great job and the staff I work with
My wonderful sisters and family
My friends
SMC
The donor sibling registry, which connected Shane and I to his half siblings and their families
Our freedom
The natural beauty around me and the glorious pair of eagles I see every day on my way to work
My son’s donor, who gave me the greatest gift in life
And, trumping everything is my precious son. There is no greater joy in life to me than this wonderful, funny, and compassionate child. I am most thankful for being his mother.

Jennifer A.

I’m thankful for my family, who not only didn’t bat an eye when Continue reading

Posted in child, children, donor insemination, donor sibling registry, donor siblings, family, insemination, mom, motherhood, parent, parenthood, parenting, plan b, pregnancy, single mom, single mother by choice, single motherhood, single mothers, single parent, single women, SMC, solo mother, solo parenting, sperm donor, women's movement | Leave a comment

We Wanted To Be Moms

When I turned thirty-five the last thing on my mind was becoming a mother. I had spent my late teens, twenties, and early thirties so wrapped up in myself, the thought of having the responsibility of a child was submerged somewhere between marriage and home ownership.  I was content being a perennial student, keeping a day job, and sabotaging potentially long-term relationships.  Then, some time in my thirty-fifth year, an unprecedented urge pierced my thoughts, rattling my body like an alarm clock, only this was purely biological.

My boyfriend at the time did not want children.  I wasn’t asking him to marry me, I remember thinking. In fact it did not matter if we even stayed together.  I just needed him to get me pregnant.  I could handle the rest on my own.  During the next few weeks, it became apparent to me that there were many reasons for me … Continue reading

Posted in alone, baby, birth, child, children, daddy question, donor, donor insemination, family, fertility, hope, infertility, insemination, motherhood, parent, parenthood, pregnancy, pregnant, single mom, single mother by choice, single motherhood, single mothers, single parent, single women, SMC, solo mother, solo parenting, trying to conceive, ttc | 6 Comments

Coping with the Growing Up

Pre-kids, I predicted that I would enjoy parenting an infant a lot, and would really love the years from two to five. I expected I might lose interest after that, based on my experience with other kids. I found it easy to talk to toddlers and preschoolers, but found the fads of grade school tough to follow, and always felt like I reverted back to that shy, awkward kid I’d once been, when I tried to engage friends’ school-aged kids.

I wasn’t as much of a “baby person” as I’d expected to be. Maybe that was having two infants at once, but I was exhausted for the whole first year of my daughters’ lives and while I do still sometimes long to do it again (with a singleton!), a large part of me experiences a mild version of PTSD when I see really little babies. It’s fading, but it’s there … Continue reading

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Oddball Out

Marshall, age 9, and I had a conversation the other night about him being the son of single mom. A friend wants me to talk to her friend, who got inseminated last week. I asked Marshall what I should tell this woman—is it a good idea or not? He said if a woman wants to go ahead and do it, she should. I asked how he felt about being the son of a single mom. And he was honest. He said he felt like an oddball—he’s the only one who doesn’t have a dad (and yes, we do know other SMC families but this is how he sees it). I didn’t get crazy or think I did him wrong. I asked more questions. And he said he’s an oddball because he’s also the only one who had three cats and a snake. So, yes, sometimes, I think he feels like … Continue reading

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