Category Archives: parent
If you are an SMC, you know the question to which refer. I’ve waited anxiously for my son to ask the Daddy Question. Everything I’ve read says our young children are eager to know more about their unique family structure and origins. As soon as they learn the name for people in their home and for the people in their friends’ homes, children are supposed to ask. So I waited. I prepared. I rehearsed. You wouldn’t think it would take this much planning just to present the truth. I came up with my script. I wrote out the words. I revised them as I practiced the conversation. I bought picture books that other moms said were good for telling and talking. I read those books to Henry. He much preferred The Cat in the Hat and Goodnight Moon. I waited some more. When would he ask? When would he want … Continue reading
In my family, Chanukah was (and is) observed primarily as a children’s holiday. No gifts are exchanged from children to adults or between adults. Chanukah, when I was growing up, was about lighting candles (for many years these were the only blessings I could say in Hebrew because I had memorized them), eating premade latkes (potato pancakes). My mother is generally a good cook but she cannot bake and she cannot make “Jewish food”), and getting gifts–until you reached college age. After that, it was just candles and latkes. We were taught that the heart of the holiday was the struggle for religious freedom, which resonated with what I learned about American history in school. Chanukah wasn’t just “the Jewish Christmas.”
When I became an adult, I lit candles in my own home, usually without the latkes and definitely without the gifts. I fell in with a motley crew of other adults … Continue reading
Some of our members recently posted about what they are thankful for as we approached the Thanksgiving holiday here in the US. These are some of their representative thoughts, and here’s hoping that everyone had a good Thanksgiving.
My great job and the staff I work with
My wonderful sisters and family
The donor sibling registry, which connected Shane and I to his half siblings and their families
The natural beauty around me and the glorious pair of eagles I see every day on my way to work
My son’s donor, who gave me the greatest gift in life
And, trumping everything is my precious son. There is no greater joy in life to me than this wonderful, funny, and compassionate child. I am most thankful for being his mother.
I’m thankful for my family, who not only didn’t bat an eye when … Continue reading
Pre-kids, I predicted that I would enjoy parenting an infant a lot, and would really love the years from two to five. I expected I might lose interest after that, based on my experience with other kids. I found it easy to talk to toddlers and preschoolers, but found the fads of grade school tough to follow, and always felt like I reverted back to that shy, awkward kid I’d once been, when I tried to engage friends’ school-aged kids.
I wasn’t as much of a “baby person” as I’d expected to be. Maybe that was having two infants at once, but I was exhausted for the whole first year of my daughters’ lives and while I do still sometimes long to do it again (with a singleton!), a large part of me experiences a mild version of PTSD when I see really little babies. It’s fading, but it’s there … Continue reading
Marshall, age 9, and I had a conversation the other night about him being the son of single mom. A friend wants me to talk to her friend, who got inseminated last week. I asked Marshall what I should tell this woman—is it a good idea or not? He said if a woman wants to go ahead and do it, she should. I asked how he felt about being the son of a single mom. And he was honest. He said he felt like an oddball—he’s the only one who doesn’t have a dad (and yes, we do know other SMC families but this is how he sees it). I didn’t get crazy or think I did him wrong. I asked more questions. And he said he’s an oddball because he’s also the only one who had three cats and a snake. So, yes, sometimes, I think he feels like … Continue reading
Parenting is hard. I don’t care if you’re a single mom, a partnered mom, a married mom, or something in between. Not one of us is handed a how-to manual when our children enter our lives. And even if you think you have this parenting thing down pat—so much so that you convince yourself to have another, there’s no guarantee that what worked with number one will work with number two.
I’m Nancy, and I’m mom to Marshall, who turned 10 this past May, and believe me when I say we’ve had our ups and downs. I tell people that I always loved Marshall but I didn’t like him till he turned about 4. Sure, I heard some gasps from the crowd, but those first years were difficult for me—trying to figure out how to incorporate this incredible, wonderful, temperamental, opinionated being into my solidly independent life … Continue reading