I have recently gone on 4 dates with a guy. It’s probably the slowest relationship I’ve ever had — 4 dates in 2 1/2 months, not incredibly deep conversation, and we haven’t even kissed yet! But, he’s actually growing on me, and he’s a great guy. He’s 48, and has a 12-year-old son who he has full custody of. On his profile, it said “Maybe” for “Do you want kids?” Since there are only 3 options to choose from: Yes, No and Maybe… Maybe can mean a lot of things. Some men say that means “I’m not sure”. Some say it means “If my partner wants kids, I’m a yes. If not, I’m a no.” So, I knew at some point, I’d need to ask him what his “Maybe” means. This is also a particularly hot topic for me, because last year, I ended a relationship with someone who I… Continue reading
I met Rhonda through the national organization Single Mothers by Choice. She and I both joined last summer. The first time we met in person I got out of my car, and I was greeted by a tiny woman in a shimmering magenta jogging suit, her eyes hidden behind big round black sunglasses. We nervously shook hands and began talking about who we were and where we came from and how far along we were in our journey as we walked a 3-mile loop that winds along the Mississippi River and back downtown. The second time we met we sat in a crowded Caribou Coffee in Eagan, and I drank a decaf latte a week after my second insemination. I played with the lid on my drink and told her that I didn’t want to sound terribly shallow but I was afraid of what being pregnant would do to my… Continue reading
It’s 6 am on a Sunday, and I get up to do the obligatory pregnancy test thinking to myself, the sooner I get the bad news, the sooner I can bury myself in my bed for the day and wallow in the fact that my 7th time trying to get pregnant failed. Failed just like I failed to get my promotion because of this stupid economy, failed just like every dating relationship I have been in. Failed, failed, failed.
It didn’t work. I know it didn’t. I don’t feel any different; I have none of the symptoms that you read about on-line. Just Google “when did you have your first pregnancy symptoms” and all kinds of posts from annoying women come up saying things like, I knew 5 days after I ovulated. I had a twinge in my uterus, I had inexplicable burps, my breasts were incredibly sore” etc. etc.… Continue reading
Back in 2008 I was a divorced 44 year old woman, busy, happy, fulfilled. Had my own business, loved the freedom, I used to say it was no coincidence that I didn’t have a boss or a husband, or that I drove a stick shift car — I liked to be in control! I was in an on-again-off-again relationship with a great guy who (ironically) I thought was too busy with his sons from a previous marriage to devote enough time to ME (!), and we were in an “off” period. I got on Match.com, and met and briefly dated another guy, it was honestly just a 6 week fling, he was not someone I was interested in long-term, he was really just to get my mind off the OTHER guy! As I said, I was 44, I knew the facts of life. But given my age, and the fact… Continue reading
I’m pregnant but don’t know if I’m having a boy or a girl. I have to admit that one little part of me, deep deep inside, has hoped Honey Badger is a boy. Someone to carry on the family “name,” which is an absolutely archaic conceit that I’m ashamed to admit that I even give any credence. But, there it is. And of course, I would love a girl too — any baby is a blessing.
But I’ve just been feeling so much pressure now of what it means to possibly be bringing up a black boy in this world. And I am so pre-emptively afraid. What if I don’t teach this kid about how to act in front of police officers? How do I help him understand that he needs to be compliant… Continue reading
Since my son was a few months old, the SMC discussion Forum has been an important part of my daily life. I so value the perspectives of moms like me who are doing this solo and are so wise and warm. I haven’t yet taken the step of meeting SMCs in my area and I wonder if it is because I feel a teeny bit apprehensive. I came to SMC-hood differently than many of you, but I hope to share with you here why I feel so fully a part of you now.
Back in 2008 I was a divorced 44 year-old woman, busy, happy, fulfilled. Had my own business, loved the freedom; I used to say it was no coincidence that I didn’t have a boss or a husband, or that I drove a stick shift car — I liked to be in control! I was in an on-again-off-again… Continue reading
That was my mentor’s response. “What’s new?” asked my mentor. I reared back in my seat to reveal my bump. Her eyes were as big as saucers. I think she immediately knew what I meant, but she had to catch herself and asked, “Are you….?” I confirmed that I was indeed pregnant. She was so happy for me and announced, “Oh, I want to be Aunt L!” She confessed that she was always intrigued by what I would say each month when we met. But, boy, she never expected anything like this! It was nice to see that she was so supportive and offered her help if I needed anything. “Sometimes, you just need to tell people what you need and let them take care of it.” And subtly cautioned me on my ardent independence.
Of… Continue reading
Some of our members recently posted about what they are thankful for as we approached the Thanksgiving holiday here in the US. These are some of their representative thoughts, and here’s hoping that everyone had a good Thanksgiving.
My great job and the staff I work with
My wonderful sisters and family
The donor sibling registry, which connected Shane and I to his half siblings and their families
The natural beauty around me and the glorious pair of eagles I see every day on my way to work
My son’s donor, who gave me the greatest gift in life
And, trumping everything is my precious son. There is no greater joy in life to me than this wonderful, funny, and compassionate child. I am most thankful for being his mother.
I’m thankful for my family, who not only didn’t bat an eye when… Continue reading
It was a dream come true.
I’m not really down with traditional showers. For reasons I won’t get into here, because I will surely offend someone. (Please note: to my friends, especially those who journeyed to my shower… I will gladly attend your showers! With joy and love. Seriously. Please don’t not invite me because of this blog post!)
For me, I wanted something less present oriented and more… I wanted it to focus on the life transition I am making, and not on the stuff I will need for it. Because babies quickly outgrow rattles and cute onesies (and they are cute!) and teddy bears… but parenthood is forever.
Especially because of not having a wedding, I wanted something a bit ceremonial. Something to celebrate a life passage.
My shower was amazing because my sister created a Blessingway ceremony for… Continue reading
On June 23, 2006, I walked out of the hospital with a five pound baby, a couple of monitors, a bag of medicine, a handful of prescriptions, a list of doctor appointments and a portable O2 tank. The day we left Lenox Hill Hospital was bittersweet since many of the nurses and doctors had become like family to me. Every single picture of the occasion is blurry since even the friend behind the camera was weeping.
On June 23, 2006, Eliza, my Mom, Dad and I strolled 500 yards to my apartment, an apartment from which I could see the NICU every day and night.
That walk on June 23, 2006 was the first time in her 100 days on this earth that Eliza had seen a blue sky, the sun, a tree, smelled a flower or even saw a good old NYC pigeon. We were brave and took an… Continue reading