Category Archives: pregnancy

Keeping My Future Child Safe

I have just been so sad since the story of the Trayvon Martin case came out.

I’m pregnant but don’t know if I’m having a boy or a girl. I have to admit that one little part of me, deep deep inside, has hoped Honey Badger is a boy. Someone to carry on the family “name,” which is an absolutely archaic conceit that I’m ashamed to admit that I even give any credence. But, there it is. And of course, I would love a girl too — any baby is a blessing.

But I’ve just been feeling so much pressure now of what it means to possibly be bringing up a black boy in this world. And I am so pre-emptively afraid. What if I don’t teach this kid about how to act in front of police officers? How do I help him understand that he needs to be compliant

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Posted in baby, donor insemination, motherhood, parenthood, parenting, pregnancy, single mom, single mother by choice, single motherhood, single mothers, single parent, SMC, solo mother, solo parenting | 6 Comments

Single Mom By Choice — And By Chance

Since my son was a few months old, the SMC discussion Forum has been an important part of my daily life.  I so value the perspectives of moms like me who are doing this solo and are so wise and warm.  I haven’t yet taken the step of meeting SMCs in my area and I wonder if it is because I feel a teeny bit apprehensive.  I came to SMC-hood differently than many of you, but I hope to share with you here why I feel so fully a part of you now.

Back in 2008 I was a divorced 44 year-old woman, busy, happy, fulfilled.  Had my own business, loved the freedom; I used to say it was no coincidence that I didn’t have a boss or a husband, or that I drove a stick shift car — I liked to be in control!  I was in an on-again-off-again

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Posted in alone, baby, family, mom, motherhood, parenthood, pregnancy, single, single mom, single mother by choice, single motherhood, single mothers, single parent, single women, SMC, solo mother, solo parenting | 7 Comments

Mentoring Meeting

“I was just thinking last night, ‘I wonder what K will tell me tomorrow?'”

That was my mentor’s response. “What’s new?” asked my mentor. I reared back in my seat to reveal my bump. Her eyes were as big as saucers. I think she immediately knew what I meant, but she had to catch herself and asked, “Are you….?” I confirmed that I was indeed pregnant. She was so happy for me and announced, “Oh, I want to be Aunt L!” She confessed that she was always intrigued by what I would say each month when we met. But, boy, she never expected anything like this! It was nice to see that she was so supportive and offered her help if I needed anything. “Sometimes, you just need to tell people what you need and let them take care of it.” And subtly cautioned me on my ardent independence.

Of

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Posted in baby, birth, decision, donor, donor insemination, insemination, mom, motherhood, parent, parenthood, pregnancy, pregnant, single, single mom, single mother by choice, single motherhood, single mothers, single parent, single women, SMC, solo mother, solo parenting, sperm donor, trying to conceive | Leave a comment

What We Are Thankful For

Some of our members recently posted about what they are thankful for as we approached the Thanksgiving holiday here in the US. These are some of their representative thoughts, and here’s hoping that everyone had a good Thanksgiving.

My great job and the staff I work with
My wonderful sisters and family
My friends
SMC
The donor sibling registry, which connected Shane and I to his half siblings and their families
Our freedom
The natural beauty around me and the glorious pair of eagles I see every day on my way to work
My son’s donor, who gave me the greatest gift in life
And, trumping everything is my precious son. There is no greater joy in life to me than this wonderful, funny, and compassionate child. I am most thankful for being his mother.

Jennifer A.

I’m thankful for my family, who not only didn’t bat an eye when

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Posted in child, children, donor insemination, donor sibling registry, donor siblings, family, insemination, mom, motherhood, parent, parenthood, parenting, plan b, pregnancy, single mom, single mother by choice, single motherhood, single mothers, single parent, single women, SMC, solo mother, solo parenting, sperm donor, women's movement | Leave a comment

Baby Shower

I had my Baby Shower this past weekend.

It was a dream come true.

I’m not really down with traditional showers. For reasons I won’t get into here, because I will surely offend someone. (Please note: to my friends, especially those who journeyed to my shower… I will gladly attend your showers! With joy and love. Seriously. Please don’t not invite me because of this blog post!)

For me, I wanted something less present oriented and more… I wanted it to focus on the life transition I am making, and not on the stuff I will need for it. Because babies quickly outgrow rattles and cute onesies (and they are cute!) and teddy bears… but parenthood is forever.

Especially because of not having a wedding, I wanted something a bit ceremonial. Something to celebrate a life passage.

My shower was amazing because my sister created a Blessingway ceremony for

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Posted in baby, birth, donor insemination, family, insemination, motherhood, parenthood, pregnancy, single mother by choice, single motherhood, single mothers, SMC | 2 Comments

Against All Odds

On June 23, 2006, I walked out of the hospital with a five pound baby, a couple of monitors, a bag of medicine, a handful of prescriptions, a list of doctor appointments and a portable O2 tank. The day we left Lenox Hill Hospital was bittersweet since many of the nurses and doctors had become like family to me.  Every single picture of the occasion is blurry since even the friend behind the camera was weeping.

On June 23, 2006, Eliza, my Mom, Dad and I strolled 500 yards to my apartment, an apartment from which I could see the NICU every day and night.

That walk on June 23, 2006 was the first time in her 100 days on this earth that Eliza had seen a blue sky, the sun, a tree, smelled a flower or even saw a good old NYC pigeon. We were brave and took an

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Posted in alone, baby, birth, bonding, child, donor insemination, family, fertility, infancy, insemination, mom, motherhood, parenthood, pregnancy, prematurity, single mom, single mother by choice, single motherhood, single mothers, SMC | 2 Comments

Happy 30th Anniversary SMC!

This weekend was a very special one for the SMC organization. We celebrated our 30th anniversary with a two-day Conference/Celebration at the Brooklyn Marriott Hotel in NYC. We had nearly three hundred attendees; thinkers, tryers, and moms from various periods over the last thirty years were represented.

People came from six countries and nineteen states, and we had particularly large turnouts from our SMC chapters in Boston, the DC/MD/VA area, NJ, Minneapolis, and of course, our NYC chapter.

Friday night we had a wine and cheese party, followed by a showing of “Sperm Donor X”, a wonderful film by filmmaker Deirdre Fishel.

On Saturday we had three panels: The Moms of Grown SMC Children; Looking for Genetic Roots; and Grown SMC Children, and I gave a talk on “What We Have Learned In These Past 30 Years; How Does Being Raised in an SMC Family Impact the Children?”. Along with

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Posted in adoption, children, daddy question, donor insemination, donor sibling registry, DSR, family, insemination, motherhood, parenthood, parenting, pregnancy, single mom, single mother by choice, single motherhood, single mothers, single parent, SMC, solo mother, solo parenting, thinking, trying to conceive, ttc, Uncategorized | 3 Comments

We Wanted To Be Moms

When I turned thirty-five the last thing on my mind was becoming a mother. I had spent my late teens, twenties, and early thirties so wrapped up in myself, the thought of having the responsibility of a child was submerged somewhere between marriage and home ownership.  I was content being a perennial student, keeping a day job, and sabotaging potentially long-term relationships.  Then, some time in my thirty-fifth year, an unprecedented urge pierced my thoughts, rattling my body like an alarm clock, only this was purely biological.

My boyfriend at the time did not want children.  I wasn’t asking him to marry me, I remember thinking. In fact it did not matter if we even stayed together.  I just needed him to get me pregnant.  I could handle the rest on my own.  During the next few weeks, it became apparent to me that there were many reasons for me

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Posted in alone, baby, birth, child, children, daddy question, donor, donor insemination, family, fertility, hope, infertility, insemination, motherhood, parent, parenthood, pregnancy, pregnant, single mom, single mother by choice, single motherhood, single mothers, single parent, single women, SMC, solo mother, solo parenting, trying to conceive, ttc | 6 Comments

Pregnancy Loneliness

Greetings from the other side of pregnancy! A post on the SMC Forum today got me reminiscing about my pregnancy. I found being single and pregnant with twins one of the most difficult and lonely periods of my life. I had planned and budgeted for a singleton and kept my fingers crossed that I wouldn’t have a multiple pregnancy, but lucky me, I got a two-for-one discount from the sperm bank. I’m actually quite happy about it now, but it was not good news for me at first.

At the time I was definitely excited, but the feelings of excitement were so overwhelmed by intense fear, sadness, and guilt. I was so scared about being a single mom to two infants that if I thought about it for too long I would get the shakes and my eyes would well up. I would just take a deep breath and think

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Posted in alone, baby, decision, donor insemination, hope, insemination, motherhood, parenthood, pregnancy, pregnant, single, single mom, single mother by choice, single motherhood, single mothers, single parent, single women, SMC | 9 Comments

How I Made the Decision

I joined this group a few months ago and I have been reading every post since then. The first and only time I posted (before now) I shared how I’ve been “thinking” for nearly two years. I was overwhelmed by the support and kind messages everyone wrote in response. But it’s been the posts by everyone else struggling with the same decision, the shared fears and excitement that have truly helped me make the right choice for me. I cannot say thank you enough for letting me, a stranger, into such an important part of your lives.
So this is how I made the decision: I had planned a weekend away with my mother and my goal was to have made a decision – one way or another – by the time we were flying home. We had fun, we enjoyed the vacation and we talked. It was the most

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Posted in alone, baby, decision, donor, donor insemination, family, insemination, mom, motherhood, parenthood, pregnancy, single mom, single mother by choice, single motherhood, single mothers, single parent, single women, SMC, solo parenting, sperm donor, trying to conceive, ttc | 7 Comments