Category Archives: single mother by choice

Do I Have What It Takes To Go It Alone?

Mature woman dreaming

I sometimes sense that when the thinkers/planners/tryers in Single Mothers by Choice say they admire those of us who are already moms, there’s perhaps a sense of wonder about how we do it all and whether the aspiring mom is up to the task herself.  I know when I was in the thinking phase, I often wondered the same about myself.

I wondered if those SMC moms possessed certain abilities I might lack, since it can be intimidating to see triathlon athletes and all the other high-powered and fabulous women who often frequent SMC’s online forums.  Most specifically, on a personal level, I don’t consider myself a very high-energy person.  Pre-baby, I loved to sleep in on the weekends and then curl up on the couch indulging in tons of TV watching and book reading.  My idea of a good time is dining out and then vegging out.  I’m not

Continue reading

Posted in motherhood, parenthood, single mom, single mother by choice, single motherhood, single mothers, single parent, single women, SMC, solo mother, solo parenting | 4 Comments

Getting Started: Questions to Ask Yourself

Thinking woman looking up on many question signs above head isolatedYou’ve had that incredible moment — the zing of excitement that comes when you realize the child (or children!) you’ve wanted can still be yours, even if you are single. But how do you know that single motherhood is right for you? And what path to motherhood should you take? There are a lot of things to consider before you decide to begin your journey. Here are some to get you started:

What are my options for becoming a mom? How much does each option cost? What options are financially feasible for me?
If you have good health insurance, doing donor insemination via IUI or IVF could be very inexpensive; if not, it can get pretty expensive. Adoption can be very pricey depending on the route you take. If you are open to DCFS adoption, it’s much less expensive, but private adoption generally runs $30K – $40K; international adoption can

Continue reading

Posted in adoption, adoption agency, decision, donor insemination, emryo donation, IVF, motherhood, parenthood, single, single mom, single mother by choice, single motherhood, single mothers, single parent, SMC, solo mother, solo parenting, thinking, trying to conceive, ttc | Leave a comment

HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!

The SMC Blog Will Return Next Week

Have a Great Holiday Weekend!

Continue reading

Posted in single mom, single mother by choice, single motherhood, single mothers, SMC, solo mother, solo parenting | Leave a comment

The Politics of SMCs

When I first joined the national SMC organization and my local group, I assumed the other women I would meet – virtually and in person – would be fairly similar to me.  I thought that making such an “unconventional” life choice would be a decision only left-leaning, primarily urban/coastal women would make.  I could not have been more wrong.

What I’ve found instead is an amazingly diverse community of women.  Our political affiliations are all across the spectrum.  We are gay and straight, Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, and atheist.  We are urban and rural, in the U.S. and Canada and Europe and Southeast Asia, and everywhere in-between.  We are black, white, Asian, Hispanic, and of every possible ethnic mix.  We are creative types and scientists who work from home and travel the world and are unemployed.  We are biological and adoptive moms and waiting-to-be-moms and still-thinking-about-becoming-moms.  About the only way

Continue reading

Posted in adoption, donor insemination, insemination, single, single mom, single mother by choice, single motherhood, single mothers, single parent, single women, SMC, solo mother, solo parenting, sperm, sperm donor, trying to conceive | 2 Comments

Deciding Whether Or Not To Become an SMC

questions or decision making conceptChoosing whether or not to become an SMC is a very personal decision. And no one can make this decision for you. Only you can figure out which path is right for you and which will make you happiest and most fulfilled.

That said, of course there are hundreds of ways of living child-free, just as there are hundreds of ways of living with children. Each person has to decide what parts of her/his life she/he wants to explore or expand. Everyone’s going to find fulfillment in a different way. Some will travel. Some will study and learn. Some will explore their own creativity.

For everyone who had a difficult road to parenthood, there’s another who became pregnant on the first try. For everyone who felt that the first few months were impossibly difficult and exhausting, there’s another who felt that everything was smooth sailing. For everyone whose child was

Continue reading

Posted in decision, donor insemination, motherhood, single mom, single mother by choice, single motherhood, single mothers, single women, SMC, solo mother, solo parenting | Leave a comment

I Miss My Daddy; I Am My Daddy

My father was not a perfect man, but he was a wonderful Daddy.

He died 12:05am, January 2, 1998.

Like so many things in my life, this whole SMC journey would be very different if he were still with me.  I know for a fact that he would struggle with it — that he would be afraid that I was saying the role he played in my life was not important because of my saying that I could raise a child without a father.  (We actually had a piece of that discussion before he died.  I wish we had finished it.)

On the flip side, I believe he would be proud of me and support me and tell me I will be a good mother.  And I know he’d be a wonderful father figure to have in my child’s life.

See, my parents had reverse roles in a lot of

Continue reading

Posted in daddy question, donor insemination, father, Father's Day, motherhood, single mom, single mother by choice, single motherhood, single mothers, single parent, single women, SMC, solo mother, solo parenting | Leave a comment

Painting

iStock_000020267151LargeI painted my guest room today. It made me think of all the rooms I have painted in the last 11 years.

The living room of the first home I purchased. I was so excited to own my own home after years of apartment living. I had my first real job after graduate school, and felt single and empowered while picking out paint colors at Home Depot. Of course, I did still hope that Mr. Right would show up sometime soon. He didn’t.

The child’s room for the home study to become a foster parent. I will always remember the name of the light blue color swatch, as it foreshadowed the heartbreak a year later when the judge sent her back to her biological mother. It was called “Salty Tears.” After she left I didn’t open the door to her room for six months. Eventually I repainted it a dark

Continue reading

Posted in single mom, single mother by choice, single motherhood, single mothers, single parent, single women, SMC, solo mother, solo parenting | 1 Comment

Forty Years, One Month & One Day

momgirlWhen I worked at a preschool summer camp, I saw two types of parents:

The 20s - they’d swoop in, looking harried and often exhausted, gather child in one arm and gear in another, and disappear as quickly as they arrived.

The 40s - they’d saunter in, spot their child, and begin a delighted tour of the events of the day, observing artwork and snack remnants with equal and genuine interest.I was nineteen at the time, and learning a lot about parenting observationally. I understood why the 20s were so strung out: their time and resources were over-stretched. They became parents as soon as they were able, and that meant sacrificing self-building and life-building in order to parent at the healthiest point in their lives.

The 40s…well, who knows why they waited. But though their energy levels were lower, their attitudes and resources blew the 20s out of the water.

Continue reading

Posted in donor insemination, single mom, single mother by choice, single motherhood, single mothers, single parent, single women, SMC, solo mother, solo parenting, sperm donor, trying to conceive, ttc | 2 Comments

Happy Memorial Day

iStock_barbecueSmall

The SMC Blog is on vacation this Memorial Day weekend, and will return with a new post next week.

Continue reading

Posted in single mother by choice, SMC, solo mother | 1 Comment

Our Members Speak – How You Can Help

sunny morningWe asked our Single Mothers by Choice members on our online discussion Forum how their friends and family can best help and support them. Below is a sampling of  some the answers:

During the trying to conceive phase (TTC), be willing to listen. To the minutia, to the details, to the emotions, to the pendulum of certainty/uncertainty, to the fears, to the arrogance. When I was TTC’ing, I didn’t have a good community of SMC friends yet, and my “regular” friends didn’t really want to hear all about it. They were supportive, but weren’t that interested. Trying to conceive is a very self-centered time, and I would have loved to have a very patient, kind, attentive ear. Because we don’t have a partner who is as invested in this road as we are, it helps to have a good friend. That said, be willing to be shut out without having

Continue reading

Posted in Mother's Day, single mom, single mother by choice, single motherhood, single mothers, SMC, solo mother, solo parenting, sperm donor, trying to conceive, ttc | 2 Comments