Category Archives: single mother by choice
when all I can do is think about how amazingly happy and fulfilled I am right now. You thought I was going to bitch and moan, huh? Nope. I have never been so happy in my entire life. EVER. I love LOVE love being Eddie’s mom. He’s just so amazingly adorable and every morning when it’s time to get him from his crib, I feel like my day can really begin (and I complain about it being too early but shhh… I really don’t mind getting an extra 1/2 hour with him because he woke at 4:30 am).
When he smiles at me or does something new, I am so proud to call him MY SON. He’s just made every day worth living. I’ve had some regrets in my past but this decision to have a baby on my own will never be one of them!
Why is it such an important day to me? For a good part of my adult life, I wanted to be a mother, but as the years went by, I worried that it might not happen for me. I hadn’t met the right man to marry, so how could I become a mom? But then, one day, I realized that even though I hadn’t found my life partner, I could be a single mother by choice. There was even an organization that provided support and information to women like me: mature, ready for motherhood, but single. It WAS possible. Months later, I had made my dream a reality. I was a mother.
Motherhood was the center of my life for many years. I had enjoyed my career and had a pretty satisfying life, both … Continue reading
2 weeks and 2 days until my official due date! I can’t believe it. In many ways it’s gone so slow… counting the weeks one by one. But in many ways, it’s gone so fast — 1 year ago I hadn’t even started trying to get pregnant yet! My life has turned upside down in the past year, and I know this past year is nothing compared to what I’m about to face
Am I feeling nervous? Yes, but it’s mostly focused on handling having a child on my own going forward, as opposed to childbirth or handling a newborn baby. Yes, I’m a bit apprehensive about childbirth itself, only because it’s not even close to anything I’ve ever experienced before. Sure, I haven’t experienced everything in life, but many things are gradual (i.e. aging), or I’ve had similar experiences (I haven’t been to Africa, but I have traveled a … Continue reading
I have been pondering if/when to have #2 for quite sometime now, especially as I read about all the other SMCs who had their babies around when I had Elsie and they are already trying for #2. And the fact that my 40th birthday is looming doesn’t help.
A little background history… I have (8) 5-day blastocysts and (7) unfertilized eggs in the deep freeze at my clinic. Elsie was the result of my first, single-embryo transplant. So I have every reason to believe that I can become pregnant with #2 fairly easily.
So the questions that have been on what is starting to feel like a constant loop in my mind are:
- Do I want #2 still? (One of the reasons I switched to IVF was so I’d have all those frozen embryos to try for #2 if I wanted to.)
- If so, when do I get started?
2. I have all the wisdom and knowledge I need already, I just don’t always know how to access it or how to interpret it.
3. I am loved exactly as I am flaws and all!
4. My flaws are just coping skills that are no longer useful and they do not define who I am today.
5. That I am capable of taking care of myself and my children but that I need to take care of myself first.
6. That I can talk about difficult things and the world is not going to come to an end. In fact usually I feel better and the relationship usually heals.
7. That I can trust myself to make good decisions as long as I am not making them out of fear … Continue reading
I have to admit – five years into this game, I’ve gotten pretty blasé about the whole “no father” thing. So have my kids. Claire announces it as needed, but in a very “whatevah” way. “I told her you couldn’t find a dad,” she told me, as an aside, at a recent church lunch. Evidently the topic had come up with her friend seated on the other side of her. Or not. It’s possible she just volunteered it. We’ve known this girl’s family for years, and I’ve never seen their father, either. Church is a mom-and-kids thing in their family, as is swimming lessons, evidently – the other place we see them. Not a big deal, just chatter between the five-year-olds.
We’re busy, we’re happy, life is good. Gymnastics, skating, swimming, soccer, kindergarten, cardboard-box inventions, baking projects, vacation planning. It’s all good. The big conversations have been had, and repeated. … Continue reading
The other night, I climbed up the stairs to crawl into bed. Tate was snoozing away in his crib, and I had decided to sleep in our shared room that evening. I shut the bedroom door, locked it as I always do when we sleep in the same room, and turned on my burglar alarm (there’s a panel in my bedroom as well as on the first floor in the entryway). When we go to sleep I set the alarm to instant, so any breach of the doors or windows causes the alarm to sound immediately instead of waiting the 45 seconds it has when simply set to ‘alarm.’
I climbed into bed and snuggled under the covers. I had gone to bed much later than I had intended, and I was exhausted. My head hit that cool pillow and I exhaled happily.
No more than one minute later, my … Continue reading
Eliza Grace was born on March 15, 2006, at 26 weeks, 4 days, weighing 1 pound 4 ounces and measuring just 11.5 inches long. She is the light of my soul and this is a story of our life in the big city.
Compassion and empathy may not win your kid an Olympic medal or a seat on the NYSE, but it sure does make for easy parenting.
I don’t know if compassion and empathy are genetic qualities or things that are learned. But I am glad that Eliza has these qualities in abundance. I posted on Facebook about Eliza’s recent thoughts about her mason jar. As a reward for Eliza eating, she gets quarters. Yes I know this is probably not the best feeding “protocol” but it works, so too bad for those in the feeding therapy community who disapprove. Any port in a storm is my theory.
Eliza … Continue reading
I recently read a blog post by someone who has kids and was lamenting her pre-kid single life freedoms. The post was a letter to her young self about how she should enjoy being free, staying out late with friends, traveling and not worry about meeting someone to share her life with—or about whether she has kids; that her life would be just great without them. I love how people who are married with kids always joke about what a pain it is to be married, and tell single people how lucky we are to not have to “deal with” a partner and how hard it is to be tied down to kids.
So I decided to write my own letter to my younger single self:
Dear naive self who thinks she’ll just meet Mr. Right at that perfect age (no need to worry!) and who believes her uterus will … Continue reading
Normally I wouldn’t do anything for it, but my nanny had asked for a personal day sometime soon to take care of some errands, so we arranged to do that on my birthday.
It was a perfect day.
Calliope and I walked to breakfast at a local cafe. Then we came home and she took a too-short nap while I worked out. But she was in a great mood throughout, despite the short nap.
In the afternoon, while Calliope “rested” in her crib, I worked on a photobook I’m creating which will be the Story of Calliope, all about Calliope’s conception.
Then we played with her friend Eleanor for a little bit at her house — Calliope (who is learning to walk, but isn’t there yet) pushed Eleanor (who is even further from walking) around on her push “bike” — and then Eleanor and her mother … Continue reading