How I Made the Decision

I joined the Single Mothers by Choice (SMC) online Forum a few months ago and I have been reading every post since then. The first and only time I posted (before now) I shared how I’ve been “thinking” for nearly two years. I was overwhelmed by the support and kind messages everyone wrote in response. But it’s been the posts by everyone else struggling with the same decision, the shared fears and excitement that have truly helped me make the right choice for me. I cannot say thank you enough for letting me, a stranger, into such an important part of your lives.

So this is how I made the decision: I had planned a weekend away with my mother and my goal was to have made a decision – one way or another – by the time we were flying home. We had fun, we enjoyed the vacation and we talked. It was the most wonderful experience of my adult life to share everything I thought and everything I felt with my mother without hesitation and without filtering anything. I’m 35yr old (financially stable, professionally successful, home owner) and although she had initially thought I should wait until I was closer to 40, after really sharing with each other, she is the one who helped me decide to start trying. She is now 100% supportive and excited. And has an opinion about everything!

Last weekend I sat down with the rest of my family (which is no easy feat), my father, my twin brother and my younger brother & sister (twins also) individually and discussed the topic. Everyone knew I had been thinking about this for years, but their initial surprise that I had made the decision quickly turned to joy and happiness about a new baby. It was an unexpectedly amazing and enriching experience to feel the love and support from my family. I chose to talk to everyone separately so no one felt pressured or uncomfortable sharing their own reactions. I’m so glad I did.

The one thing that truly shocked me: once I made the decision, I was no longer anxious or afraid. I didn’t realize how much pressure I’d been feeling just by not knowing what I was going to do. Now, I feel lighter, peaceful and genuinely happy.

Last week, with the help of my mother & sister, I chose the donor from my “final four”. I’ve been back to OB-GYN, had the routine tests, and if all goes as planned, in about two weeks I’ll be a “tryer”!

Thank you again to everyone for their posts on the SMC  forum, and for letting me feel a part of an ever-growing community of single mothers. I wish everyone the best of luck in their decision-making and hope you find the same joy and excitement I’ve found in making my decision.


To discuss this and other SMC topics, join SMC and take part in our discussions on our lively online 24/7 Forum and at local chapter meetings.

“SMC has been a huge inspiration to me from the moment I became a member. I got to know many wonderful women who encouraged me to take the leap of faith and whose support over the years was just great. I treasure the life-long friendships that I have developed.”

– Rada Lankina