One of the Biggest Cliches of Them All

Let’s confront one of the biggest and baddest cliches about single mothers out there – that we all women with all-consuming, high paying, fulfilling careers that just never made time to focus on relationships.


We’re not all straight out of an ’80s movie, wearing boxy suits and one-inch pumps and trying to get ahead at the expense of the evil male coworker who wants to put us in our place. We are regular, ordinary girls who just didn’t find “the one” in time.

As for me – yes, I did become a lawyer in my mid-20s and yes, I had the high paying job at a big law firm. But even then, I knew I wanted the whole package of marriage and children. I was ALWAYS ambivalent about being a lawyer – although I really and truly enjoyed law school, I never wanted to practice law and frankly, once I was in it, never enjoyed it or thought of it as my first priority.

I spent the second half of my twenties working at a corporate law firm and “semi-dating” a coworker. This guy was gorgeous, well educated, and a bit mysterious. He was a single parent at the age of 26, which actually was a huge turn on for me, as I didn’t know any other young people with families and even then, I knew I wanted one. Well, it turns out he wasn’t so mature, and frankly I wasn’t so mature, and let’s just say I spent (wasted?) a couple of years of my life pining over this totally unavailable man.

After a series of personal crises and a couple more failed relationships (let’s just say my judgment in my 20s wasn’t so stellar), I left the law firm life and headed back to grad school at the age of 32. Happily, the tables turned and I got more male attention than I gave, and even had a guy or two pine over ME for a change. I met several gorgeous, smart, funny, talented guys during that time, and had several short-term relationships with men who weren’t “the one”. As I approached my mid-30s, the panic set in and by age 39 I knew I was not going to find someone in time to have a baby.

As for me now, I have been TTC for the better part of two years while simultaneously trying to jump start my new career. I try to date but my heart just isn’t in it. I’m actually quite content being single at the moment, and with the exception of the financial factor, am totally at peace with becoming a single mom.

My point is that we aren’t all career-hungry vultures trying to break through the glass ceiling at the expense of our personal lives. We are human women who for whatever reason haven’t found a mate in time, and whether or not we all have successful careers is irrelevant to this process.

And anyway, boxy suits just aren’t my style.


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“I joined SMC when my son was a baby, and he's about to turn 21! The wealth of knowledge and support I've received from SMC got me through some really hard times and I found some great friends. We are a diverse group, and yet we are wholeheartedly there for one another.”

– Nancy N