Money, Money, Money!!

I stumbled into trying to be a being a single mother by choice. A friend of mine was close to 40 and decided she was going to make the leap to be a mother. She enlisted me to do all the necessary research. Research is my thing so I was happy to get the ball rolling. I couldn’t believe all the information I found.

I discovered Single Mothers by Choice (SMC). We went to a meeting and filled in the blanks to many lingering questions.  We met thinkers, tryers and mothers.  What I noticed was these women came from many walks of life.  The common factor was no husband and the desire to have children before the option was taken off the table.

I continued my research and realized I desired the same thing.  I wanted to be a mother. The next question is how to go about it?

What I learned quickly is that money was the biggest factor for me.  I felt insecure that I went to college have a professional job, and cannot afford motherhood.  In my delusion I made the assumption that these women were more financial responsible then I was.  I continued my research that now was more of an obsession.  I started watching documentaries on the topic of being a Single Mother by Choice.  I concluded that all these women were not wealthy or even upper middle class. Some went into great debt to be mothers.  They took out equity loans, second mortgages, drained 401Ks, and charged up credit cards to be a mother.  The sad part is that not all of the debt ended up with babies.

I have a house, a 401K, and credit cards.  I should be able to do the same to be a mother. At another time. I could possibly pull out that money.  The state of the economy right now prevents me from using those options.  My mortgage on my home is upside down.  My 401K isn’t worth anything at the moment.  I have not had a raise in several years.  Things are getting more expensive and paychecks are not increasing.  I could borrow the money at an obscene interest rate. The question is how will I pay it back and support a child by myself?

There are many irresponsible ways I could have a baby.  I try not to let my thoughts go that way. The older I get the more my thoughts get desperate.  My fertile years are passing me by.  I am still trying to make a choice about what my next step will be. Whatever the choice it will not be easy, and I have to admit I am resentful.


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“I joined SMC when my son was a baby, and he's about to turn 21! The wealth of knowledge and support I've received from SMC got me through some really hard times and I found some great friends. We are a diverse group, and yet we are wholeheartedly there for one another.”

– Nancy N