Why I Am Taking the Leap

1. I am sick of living my life for myself, i.e. clothes, jewelry, facials, massages etc.
2. I love spending time with my niece and nephew, i.e. playground, zoo, reading books, bathing, feeding etc.
3. I am scared of getting old and being alone
4. I have so much love to give, but no child to give it to
5. I want the mother-child bond; I want to feel needed
6. I hate holidays, get-togethers etc. because I am the only one without a child. I feel weird not having my own family and feel like the perpetual child showing up to family gatherings
7. I feel isolated from the world at age 32 because I have no children; people my age have children. I am finding it harder and harder to connect with people since I am childless. I am already feeling more connected with others because my mind-set has changed since I am on the road to becoming a mother
8. I am envious of mothers
9. I became depressed when thinking that I would not have children
10. When I think of having a child I immediately become happy and excited. Scared to death but happy and excited
11. I am content when I am really busy and have no time to think about the meaning of life
12. Having a child would make my life rich and meaningful
13. I now have time, money, patience and feel that I can provide a good life for a child
14. Volunteer work is not giving me enough satisfaction and I believe having a child would
15. I want to keep my niece and nephew for myself
16. I welcome the change of dynamics in my life and have come to realize that there is nothing that I do in my life that I cannot do with a child
17. I am sick of living in my perfect condo. I want a home with toys, love, chaos and a swing set
18. I am sick of having no responsibilities!!!!
19. I need structure!!!!
20. I don’t need to see another movie or read another adult book. Lately, I am only interested in children’s books but I need a child to read them to.

I am taking the leap because I don’t want to miss out on all these things and because I don’t want to be a bitter woman 10 years from now!

by: IthinkIcanIthinkIcan


11 thoughts on “Why I Am Taking the Leap”

  1. Every time I start doubting whether or not I really want to do this, I read this post. I’m struggling with making this decision and constantly worry about it, to the point I am doing nothing. Reading your reasons are all my same reasons. I can do this. I need to focus on the joy it will bring me to have a family, and not worry so much about the details. Thank you.

  2. WOW! I could have written this myself. Every single one of your reasons. I’ve told myself since the age of 15 that if the right man didn’t come along, I’d be a single mom by choice. I’m 34 now so I’ve had a lot of time to be ready for this decision.

    I’ve dated men who weren’t right for me simply because I wanted so badly to have a family. I finally found someone I thought was Mr. Right. After a year of trying to have a baby, we received devastating semen sample results. Our relationship changed. He became angry and resentful. I stuck it through and was excited to try IVF and felt like we needed to give it a shot. He agreed but got more resentful, more angry and just plain mean. A few days before starting the process, after having more cruel things said to me, I decided that it was time to leave this verbally abusive relationship.

    I want a child badly, but it would be irresponsible to bring an innocent child into this type of home. It’s only been a few weeks since the end of that relationship, but I’m the happiest I’ve been in years. I’m finally ready to start the process to being a single mother by choice and feel like I’m going to burst with excitement.

    Thank you for sharing your story and good luck to you!!

  3. I can’t say that stumbling upon motherhood alone was fully bychoice. My 5 year old daughter was a surprise present from God. I had convinced myself I didn’t want kids because I was afraid, at 31, that if I didn’t proclaim that I didn’t want kids, men would see me as a giant hormonal biological time bomb. Fortunately, God knew me better and made a miracle. I call her Gabrielle. To anyone thinking about being a single mother by choice, I will tell you that it is hard. I mean really really hard! I had a full time nanny for the first 3 years and now I have an after school baby sitter, but it’s still exhausting and challenging. I wouldn’t trade a minute! Everyone should have the joy and pain of being a parent to one child. More are fine, too, but one is truly a blessing. Your life and perspective one life won’t ever be the same. It changes you for the better. But don’t forget, I said it before, prepare yourself for how hard it will be, and thank God for every moment!

  4. Dear Thinkers,

    Please don’t wait any longer for a man to come along. Have your baby, and do all you can NOW to make that happen. I promise you, you will never regret your beautiful baby. You will however, regret the years in vain spent with a man who will ultimately stay alone, and who truly wants to…be alone. I look back now at the men I dated who are now in their 40’s and 50’s, still alone, no wife, no kids, or in a mix of no definitive wife and beautiful children to call home, and I believe that’s what their heart truly wanted, to be alone. And, that’s ok, just let them enjoy their lives alone.

    I would like to beat myself up and say it’s all my fault that I couldn’t find a man, but my situation is epidemic. I see my own experience more and more, the more I talk about it. The fact that we have sperm banks, open donors,anonymous donors, adoption, known donors…well, it says to me that I’m not the only one having this dilemma. How about you?

    It’s ok, just leave them alone. Nothing wrong with wanting to be alone, but if that’s not what you want, don’t hang around. This is your life here and now, never to repeat again. I had my amazing sweet love of a daughter six months ago from a gracious open donor and I have never known such love existed, the joy, and happiness, it’s what I wake up for everyday. Nothing can make up for that kind of love, for those of us who truly understand it. Don’t try to compromise yourself. You can have all the money, career, good looks, convertibles, as I call it “killin time” until the right man comes along, make yourself a better catch, yadayah, go skydiving, see the world, discover you, whatever…please…I’m tired of reading such dumb love advice columns, it will never replace the joy you find with your sweet baby no matter how much you try to convince yourself.

    Once you become a mother you will no longer try to fill the void. You will laugh that your pants don’t fit. Now, you will fund your child’s life and find clever cute ways to dress your sweet baby. You’ll be surprised at the people who reach out to you to help. Wow, I sure was! My boss, coworkers, long lost relatives…all of them just happy to see the joy in my eyes when I spoke of my soon to be born daughter. You are not alone, and many of us have gone before you. To want your own child is perfectly natural. To want to be a wife and full time mother is perfectly normal and in our genetic code as women. Our society is just a bit defunct and lacking family values at present. But never mind society, live your life. Ladies, if you are thinking…please, please go for it. I know how much it meant to me to have support when I conceived my daughter,

    We are only here for a little while. Let’s make the best of our lives and leave our children knowing how much they were desperately wanted, and never, never with this idiotic belief that they were a “mistake”. A child is the most sacred gift any of us will ever receive, whether we know it or not. Fortunately, the women here on SMC understand what a gift our children and future children bring to the world. Love and happiness to all the women out there thinking, trying, struggling, conceiving, nursing…

  5. I completely understand and relate to everything mentioned on the list. I took the leap and it is the BEST thing I every did. I made a decision on my 36th birthday to try and become a SMC. After 3 miscarriages, my 4th pregnancy brought me a perfect little boy when I was at the age of 40.5. I was also sick of living in my perfect condo. We now living in a clean but “lived in” condo that has toys all over the living room and so much love. My son and I live such a simple life. Most weekends consist of running a few errands and just playing. That sounds boring but I am so happy with my little family and my son is such a joy.

  6. As if you read my mind….A big thought of mine for the past two years! Thank you for making me feel not alone!

  7. I completely understand how you feel. I decided to adopt at the age of 40 and now, as a single mom by choice, have never looked back! But I have one caviat: be careful about putting too much responsibility on your child for making your life happy and complete. They don’t always cuddle and show you the love you might feel the need for at any given moment. Parenthood definitely has made me and many others happy and fulfilled, but it’s come from the giving, not the getting. Forgive me if you’ve already thought about this but sometimes most of us can forget. It sounds like your future child will be greatly loved! Welcome to our community!

  8. Here, here! I can completely relate to your list and felt the same prior to becoming a SMC. I was so tired of my former big city, single, childless life. My life is so much happier and satisfying since my twin girls arrived. It’s hard-work but so worth it. So many of my single, childless friends (male and female) post photos on facebook of their parties, exotic travels, acquisitions of things, news of their promotions etc. Good for them but I’ve been there, done that and would much rather stay home in my unglamorous Mommy life with my amazing girls.

    Lizz, mom to 3 year old twins girls born two weeks after my 42nd bday! =) =)

    1. Yes – been there, done that with the travel, the partying, etc. It was wonderful and fun and life altering in it’s own way, but after 20 years of that I’m ready for the challenges and joys of motherhood.

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