I have finally advanced beyond the Thinking stage. It took me over eight months. Eight months of trying to feel confident and willing to go the road of motherhood alone. Thinking and evaluating my situation and what is available to me in this journey. Joining the Single Mothers by Choice (SMC) organization.
I knew I had advanced to the next stage when I stopped talking myself out of being a mother. My thinking took a turn to the positive. Hard choices have to be made. I had to ask myself a question: Are you willing to make drastic changes to be a mother? When my answer became a firm YES!! I was catapulted into waiting and planning.
I left my home state 12 years ago and relocated. I have a few close friends here, none of whom I see on a regular basis. The only people I see with any consistency are my co-workers. This is not going to work with motherhood. I will need a village. Presently a village does not exist in my life.
I play the record in my head again. I am willing to make drastic changes to be a mother!!
I decided to move back home. Not just to the state I left — I am moving back to the house I grew up in. My family has agreed to be my village. The family I left to live my own life. The family I felt was weighing me down is the family that now is ready to make my dreams happen.
I have to say all the unknowns scare me to death. I feel my relationship with my mother has majorly improved with distance. So this move should be very interesting. Economically and logistically this move makes perfect sense. I am willing to take to risk because I finally decided; I AM WILLING TO MAKE DRASTIC CHANGES TO BE A MOTHER.