Surprisingly Thinking My Family Is Complete

While I’ve talked about having three children for as long as I can remember, and taken action to prepare for my 3rd attempt at trying to conceive, I’ve surprisingly found myself thinking that maybe I’m really done. That thinking doesn’t actually sit well with me because it’s such a radical shift, and that makes me question it, but I keep coming back to the same place.

Maybe it would be nice to stick with two, two who are close enough in age that they will be able to go to the same school until my daughter starts middle school, allowing me, when she starts K and he starts pre-K, to live the life I’ve always dreamed of; working part-time, being the one that gets to pick my children up and take them to their activities, having their friends over after school and really getting to know them, being the primary one to help with their homework, etc. But the cut in work hours needed to do those things wouldn’t be possible if I needed to pay for child care for 3, at least not until the littlest one could go to pre-K, when my oldest, best case scenario, would be in 3rd grade.

It just doesn’t feel right, knowing that I have a choice to be more available to my children sooner. That, and the fact that I really want to make a change professionally, and that the direction I’m leaning is one that will require a couple of years of schooling. I will be meeting with a career counselor to make sure that it’s really likely to be the best path for me, but I simply can’t make the changes I think I need to be happy in my career if I am still paying for full-time care for one kid, in addition to the summer camps, after-school care, and the like, which I will need for my older two.

I’m not closing the door to another, but right now I’m thinking that my family works the way it is.


3 thoughts on “Surprisingly Thinking My Family Is Complete”

  1. I recently made the decision that my little family is complete. I have a son who is almost 2 ½ and our life together is wonderful. I am 42 ½ and have put a lot of thought into this decision. I always dreamed of having a large family. Some things that contributed to my decision regarding my complete family are as follows:

    My son and I have a very fulfilling life with no chaos. Something that has caught my attention is most families are so busy all the time and many have chaos. I see parents that are tired and frustrated all the time and kids that have no free time to enjoy simple things in life. My son and I will often stay home on a Saturday or Sunday and just play or go for a walk. My project to-do list continues to expand but the important thing is we spent quality time together doing simple things. I know our life will soon become busier. As my son gets older, he will likely play sports, have homework and school activities. And there will always be some stressful days. But every day is not stressful and I fear that could be the case if I expand my family as a single mom.

    My son is good natured, well mannered, happy and healthy. Would it be nice to give him a brother or sister? Absolutely. But there are no guarantees that they would be close later in life or even live close to each other as they are adults. I make sure that my son spends time with his 3 cousins who are older and all love each other’s company. When they are adults, the 4 to 10 year difference will not seem so large and I hope they stay close.

    Another child will mean 5 more years of daycare expenses and that is money that I want to save so we are not living week to week. Financial stress can take a toll on a family. And what if I had twins….I don’t know how I would afford childcare and we currently live in a 2 bedroom townhouse. So many people say “somehow it can be done”. I see many families including people close to me that really struggle financially and in this economy, it is hard to catch up from large debt.

    I want my child to grow to be a decent human being who is happy, loving, caring and considerate. I see that happening with or without a sibling.

    I also had 3 miscarriages before my son. But that is not a huge factor in my decision regarding our complete family. I loved being pregnant and felt wonderful while carrying my son. As much as I would love to be pregnant again, I am at peace because I had such a wonderful experience and feel honored that I had the opportunity since many women do not.

    My 11 year old nephew recently asked me: “Are you going to have another baby?” I said “no”. He said “Why”? I told him that our little family is very happy and full of love. I also told him that we are lucky to have him in our family too – he is the only boy cousin to my son and that is a special thing. He smiled!

  2. I feel you. I really do. I have a 3 year old daughter and for the life of me I can not get myself to give her baby things away. I fantasize all the time about her having a sibbling (which in my perfect fantasy world will also be a girl). I am a hyperemesis survivor and knowing that I will most likely have it again a second times really makes me think that maybe one is it for me. I think my little one and I will have a much better quality of life if it’s just the two of us. But by the same token I think of how wonderful it would be for her to have a sibbling…. especially once a pass on to the next life. Just thinking about it makes me tear up.

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