Ringing In The BIG One

I’m not afraid to admit it… I just turned… gulp …, 40!!!!!  My goal was to be pregnant before my 38th birthday, and I got my positive pregnancy test result four days shy of that day.  Phew!  I don’t care that I’m 40 because I honestly don’t feel 40. I remember when my mom turned 40, and I thought that was SO old!  I don’t have that feeling anymore.  Turning 40 made me realize just how lucky and blessed I am.  I think if I didn’t have Sidekick, I wouldn’t have embraced that number as easily because I would have felt like my life kind of sucked.  Honestly, I think I would have thought that.  I was never in the suicidal kind of thinking of “What’s the point of life?” when I started thinking about being a Single Mother by Choice (SMC), but I did question the emptiness of my life without a child. So now that I have Sidekick, I am taking 40 and running with it because my life is more fulfilled with him.

Sidekick and I drove to Chicago to visit my best friend and her family who moved in August.  It was great to celebrate with them and see their new home.  I got to get out while Sidekick napped because my friend’s husband stayed home with the sleeping kids, and on Saturday night, I put Sidekick to sleep and my friend and I went out to celebrate.  (I felt a sense of freedom for the first time in a long time!  Not having family in the same state limits my freedom since I don’t like to spend money on babysitters.)

My friend and I went to a bar, and I felt old there. A bar! I haven’t been in a bar in a really long time! We got hit on by one really drunk guy and one nice guy. The drunk guy bought be a shot which I drank at midnight to celebrate the new decade of my life, and about 30 minutes later, he got escorted out of the bar because the security people thought he was being “inappropriate” with us. He wasn’t being a true gentleman, but it wasn’t anything we couldn’t handle. Drunk people! Psssh! Anyway, Nice Guy was very polite and gave me a hug and a kiss on my cheek when we left. It was sweet to have a nice guy treat me well. When’s the last time that’s happened? It would have been even nicer if Nice Guy lived in the same state as I.

We were out until a little after 1:00 in the morning.  While I wasn’t hung over, I was really tired on Sunday.  Sidekick has been sleeping 12 hours straight though the night since he was nine weeks old, so I haven’t had that zombie feeling in a really long time, but I had it on Sunday.  Holy smokes was I tired!  Okay, maybe I do feel old.  : )

So four decades in, I reflect on my life and where I thought I would be now.  It’s definitely not what I had envisioned.  It’s funny to think that if it had been any different, I wouldn’t have Sidekick, and I wouldn’t trade him for anything.  Such an amazing and sweet boy he is!  Forty isn’t so bad after all.


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“SMC has been a huge inspiration to me from the moment I became a member. I got to know many wonderful women who encouraged me to take the leap of faith and whose support over the years was just great. I treasure the life-long friendships that I have developed.”

– Rada Lankina