On Being a Single Mother by Choice

Today I went to my local Single Mothers by Choice (SMC) meeting—the first I’ve attended since my son’s birth 3 months ago. It was at a local playground on a beautiful day. And there were so many beautiful women with their beautiful children. There were actually quite a few of us with infants under a year of age. It’s always empowering and inspiring for me to attend these meetings. And as my son grows up, I hope it will be for him too — to see other families like his, and feel it is completely “normal.”

Interestingly, I was discussing with another SMC who has a 6 month old how life is so different “on this side.” No more dating, late nights at bars or dancing. No more wondering if “he”will ever call you back. Totally liberating and sweet. That other life I had— it was good for a while, but I knew I didn’t want it forever. And tonight, Saturday evening, I sit on my couch with my 3 month old asleep on my lap, completely satisfied with my life. A good friend of mine is having a 50th birthday party today, and although it might’ve been fun, this is even more so. Saturday evenings out aren’t my desire anymore. I’m taking my friend to lunch next weekend.

And as for being single, honestly, I’m grateful. I have a few married friends who have infants right now, and when I meet with them, it is clear to me that it’s not easier. They have a whole other person and relationship to manage. For me, when my son goes to sleep at night, I can have a glass of wine and putz around on my computer or fold laundry or talk on the phone or watch whatever cheesy movie I want. No making time for a third person or figuring out how to keep our sex lives active or making someone else happy. And having time to focus on myself makes me a better mom the next day. I do see how having a second parent may add to my son’s life, but honestly, 3 months out, I don’t really see how it would add to my life right now.

Feels good—very good—to be in this wonderful satisfied place in life. I love my son like nothing else and can focus on him and me. It’s lovely.


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“I used to think that becoming an SMC was my plan B, but it was the best decision I ever made. My son is my pride and joy. I can't imagine life without him. I am thankful that I had support along the way through the SMC community. I no longer consider it my plan B.”

– Anonymous