Keeping My Future Child Safe

I’m pregnant but don’t know if I’m having a boy or a girl. I have to admit that one little part of me, deep deep inside, has hoped Honey Badger is a boy. Someone to carry on the family “name,” which is an absolutely archaic conceit that I’m ashamed to admit that I even give any credence. But, there it is. And of course, I would love a girl too — any baby is a blessing.

But I’ve just been feeling so much pressure now of what it means to possibly be bringing up a black boy in this world. And I am so pre-emptively afraid. What if I don’t teach this kid about how to act in front of police officers? How do I help him understand that he needs to be compliant around people who would find him “suspicious,” even if he’s done nothing wrong, without breaking his little spirit?

This is really the first time I have felt the huge responsibility of doing this without a man in the house who may be able to explain life in a way that I simply cannot. Because although I am black, I’m not a black MAN, facing the unique concerns that exist for black men.

I imagine that it’s the pregnancy hormones that are getting to me right about now, but I just can’t think about the many young black men being shot over the past few years without wanting to cry.  I’m trying to figure out, how do you keep your kids SAFE? I have wondered recently whether I’m actually brave enough to do this. Bad time to suddenly develop misgivings…. 


5 thoughts on “Keeping My Future Child Safe”

  1. I have decided to start the process and just found this site today and your post struck me. My donor sperm is going to be from a black man, because it is important for me to have a mixed race child. I am terrified of the violence and ignorance in the world that can and will affect my future child and I also have no idea how I will keep spirits up while still encouraging safety. But I deeply know that whoever my child ends up being, they will be a beautiful symbol of love and togetherness. There will be hardships, there will be fear and confusion and everything in between, but somehow I still want this. I hope you are doing well, are rejuvenated in spirit and know that you can do this. I’m glad other women think about these things with such care, sometimes I feel so lonely in my thoughts.

  2. I’m both a thinker (soon to be a tryer) and a long-time lurker on this site. As a young black woman, I feel your concern very deeply. This is not a world I would have created, given a choice. But like one of the other comments said, I do get to create some part of the world for my children. (I’m actually a little biased towards girls, but I’d really like one of each.)

  3. I too worry about keeping my son safe. He is almost 3 years old, sensitive with a big heart and very quick to say that he doesn’t have a daddy and not mind. My worry for his safety is in his ability to connect with others and not miss out by not having two parents especially at this age when he is questioned with why? so innocently. Im worried about if or when it may be asked without innocence and how he will feel. In the case of your son mumma he will do so much better than so many as you want this, you want him, you love him and you will show him this every day. Wishing you all the best.

  4. I’m neither black nor the mother of a boy, so I’m not qualified to talk to those matters. However, I am SMC. I understand what it’s like to have misgivings when you’re pregnant – as you say, not the best time to have doubts! I want to assure you that it will all be OK, and that I believe all pregnant women, regardless of age, race, marital status, etc., have fears and doubts.

  5. I think by creating a world within a world, a safer one. Mid socialization of black boys starts with school. Consider homeschooling if you don’t live in diverse community. Don’t overprotect them so they lack awareness but teach them about the bad stuff in a safe environment- not just racism but everything. Teach him foreign languages so he can see that the world is always bigger than those bad things. Dashcam for his car, Internet safety protocols, and a safety net of trustworthy friends and family.

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