He’s All Mine

hes-mine-laMine. All mine.

Now that Elliot and I are out and about town, we often meet strangers who like to have a look inside the bassinet and see who’s in there. I like to watch them smile when they meet him. He makes me smile and so when he makes randoms smile too, I think how happy the world would be if I could bottle his smile and give it away. Pretty sappy, I know. Also, I can’t wait for the days when he is big enough to have on my hip. I have always had a nice image of that in my mind. Though he weighs a ton, he’s just too little for that. If he’s out of the stroller, he is up against my shoulder, where he likes to snuggle in, look at the world and be adorable. Thankfully nobody has tried to touch him, I would bite them if they did. Mama bear.

When we come across someone who says hello, they more often than not exclaim how beautiful he is (Aww!) how I don’t look like I just had a baby (Oh my, thank you!) and how proud my husband must be to have such a son (Um, hold the phone). My inside reaction is almost always, “Shit.” It happened a lot when I was pregnant too –  how excited my husband must be to have a boy on the way. No ring on my finger. No man at my side. No woman either. Just me. And still.

A few things I have heard:

Your husband must be over the moon.

Your husband must be so proud.

He looks like you! Does he look like his father too?

I bet your husband can’t wait til he’s old enough to run around.

Oooh he is big! Hope your man gave you a good push present!

For crying out loud. I am over the moon. I am so proud. He looks very much like me and also my sperm donor’s provided childhood photos. I bought myself a push present thank you very much, actually 2! One is a silver beaded deco-style necklace I fell in love with and the other a metal cuff bracelet that makes me feel like Wonder Woman. And also my friend who was my awesome birthing partner gave me a push present too, it was a hilarious gesture and I love her for doing it.

These kind strangers aren’t being rude, they are being kind. They are wrong, but they are kind. I feel like a liar if I take the easy way and nod my head and say yes, totally, my husband is over the moon. Who cares if I did, they are strangers just being nice. But I also feel a pull to want to educate the world that some women choose to have babies on their own. But I don’t want to come off severe or rude, as it would take a breezy moment and add heft to it and perhaps some confusion. I also realize that saying I am unmarried and/or had a baby on my own, makes strangers wonder what happened to the father of my beautiful baby – Was there a divorce? Maybe it was a one-night stand? Did he die? Sigh.

One morning, instead of my deer in the headlights response, I solved it forever. I shook my head no and smiled and said, “He’s all mine.“ From then on, that’s what I always say.

From Making a Life in LA


8 thoughts on “He’s All Mine”

  1. I love this post, thank you for sharing. Your baby is so precious…I can see why he makes you (and everyone he meets) smile.

    I am going through the process of becoming a single mother by choice, and it is so much more difficult than I ever imagined. I’ve been struggling for a while with what I will tell people when they ask questions about the baby’s “dad”.

    Father’s Day is coming up and I passed a book store earlier today. There were several children’s books in the window with stories about dads…and again I though, what will I say?

    It seems a bit serendipitous that I also came across your post today. I just love your response, “he’s all mine”…

  2. I think your response is great. Your son is beautiful! My son is now 3. I usually just say his father is not involved. Continue to enjoy your son, he is precious and a beautiful gift.

  3. I love your response “he’s all mine.” For multiple reasons -including health problems- my husband & I have one child & couldn’t be happier but I often get the question “why did you only have one child?” I used list the top 3 reasons why we stopped at one- like I needed to explain myself? I once told a nice old Grandma that “she’ll be an only child” she in return said in a sad tone “she’ll be a lonely child”. After that when people ask me why I only had one child I tell them ” we got it so right the first time we just didn’t need to keep trying, she’s perfect. ” it stops my child from thinking there’s something wrong with being an only child & maybe the person asking as well. Love your story, thanks for sharing.

  4. I’m actually really proud of myself for being single my by choice. When people ask things about who’s the father my response is always “I was inseminated”. They pretty much understand the situation with those words.

  5. I think people need to be educated. The concept is still new to many. When comments like that arise, I tell them mine’s artificial inseminated. They’re usually intrigued. I’m not being rude by educating them. Congratulations on your beautiful baby. Thanks for sharing your story.

  6. He is all mine is a great reply….. but keep in mind this way of having a baby on your own is still a new concept for many and I am sure few to none mean anything negative. Give things time and it will be more commonplace! I applaud you for seeking what makes you happy and all the responsibility solely upon you . God bless you and your little one as you walk your journey together ! ?

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