There I stood smiling at my own reflection in the mirror. I was feeling in a good place, a positive space. Is it because I’m in school and enjoying every moment of it? Possibly. Or is it because I’ve surrounded myself with extracurricular activities that fuel my soul? That could be it… Or maybe it’s because my 15-year-old stepson and I have not killed one another yet, despite living under the same roof!
Not sure what the trigger to this great mood was, but the fact remained that I could get used to this state of mind! This happy thought train led me down the path of reflecting on my year. So much has happened in the realm of fertility! I grieved my original plans of marriage before children, I wrestled with the idea of IVF, and I actually completed an IVF cycle. Now my frozen embryos are waiting on me for transfer. However, I’ve decided to delay transfer for a year, to give myself time to save, save, save.
In this time of waiting, I’ve also had time to think, think, think and plan, plan, plan. There is so much I want to impart into this little being I’m prayerfully going to bring into this world. So I’ve been researching a slew of topics, from preparing for frozen embryo transfer to best strollers and slings to suggestions for traveling with young children. I figured why not, I have the time! On some days the time seems to be dragging, no correction, crawling by.
However, on this particular morning, that I stood smiling in the mirror, I realized that 2017 was nearing its completion, and before we knew it, 2018 would be here! 2018, the year that I transfer my frozen embryo and hopefully get to celebrate pregnancy. Nothing is guaranteed, yet I am so hopeful and expectant that 2018 will be my year. And before doubt even had a chance to creep in, my eyes briefly passed over my tea mug, sitting on the bathroom sink. It simply reads: Be Brave Go Your Own Way! Six simple words yet there was weight in that phrase. That brief line speaks volumes, because it captures my 2017 journey.
IVF was not my originally imagined path. In fact, at the age of 35, I was adamantly opposed to it. “No way, was I letting anyone place a needle inside of me to suck out eggs”, or so I thought! However, fast-forward 7 years and I was nowhere closer to meeting Mr. Right. And despite doubts and old fears, I was now considering IVF as a potential reality. I was at a cross roads, I could choose the path of potentially aging out of the possibility of having biological children or I could navigate the path of the IVF unknown. Well, you already know what path I chose. I decided to Be Brave and Go My Own Way.
And the pleasant surprise was that not only did I face my fears about IVF, but I also positioned myself to receive one of the greatest gifts I could ever receive: motherhood. I’m looking forward to seeing what transpires in 2018. I’m excited and nervously anticipating the outcome of my future Embryo Transfer. In the meantime, I will spend the time enjoying school, all of my favorite activities, surviving my dear teenage stepson, and an occasional glass of Shiraz.