A few days ago, after debating the decision for a long time, I decided to “go public” about my adoption journey on Facebook. A year and a half ago, when the full extent of my infertility was revealed and I found myself facing the possibility of never becoming a mother, I took a long hiatus from social media for my own mental health. I was in a very difficult mental space, and isolating myself in that way was, at the time, necessary to help myself return to a place of balance. I have since been mostly a lurker on Facebook, which contributed to my hesitation.
The response I’ve received since my post has been so overwhelmingly supportive that, despite my initial reservations, I know I made the right decision. Going through this without a partner with whom to commiserate, to buoy me through the turbulence of this emotional process, can sometimes feel quite isolating, and I realized that I didn’t want to feel that sense of aloneness in this experience. And so I shared this blog. I have such a lovely group of friends and family, near and far, some whom I haven’t seen or even spoken to in years, who have expressed their joy and hope for my success in this process. I’m not a religious person or even particularly spiritual, yet I can’t help but feel… lifted by all of the positive reactions I’ve received, as if the sheer energy of their support can have some tangible impact on the atmosphere around me and help make this happen.
There is, of course, always a risk in sharing this kind of thing so publicly. There is, after all, a reason why pregnant women often wait until their pregnancy is viable to share the news with those outside of their immediate circle. While one’s joy is only magnified by sharing that joy with others, so, too, can the pain of misfortune be amplified when everybody knows.
But I don’t have the luxury of a partner to lean on as I trudge through the days of waiting for a match, so it’s a risk I had to be willing to make. Those in my immediate circle have been immeasurably supportive from the beginning, and I will always be grateful for that no matter the outcome. Knowing that I am enveloped by this atmosphere of hopefulness, that there are positive vibes being directed my way from all corners of the globe (quite literally! my family spans multiple continents), will keep me afloat in those most despairing of moments. So, this post is an expression of gratitude that my life, over its many years, has been touched by such a beautiful assortment of individuals. It reminds me that I am not alone.