Setting a Date

I just turned 29. All the time I hear “you’re so young” “wait for Mr. Right” “you’ve got plenty of time” from people I talk to about my choice to become a single mother. I’m not exactly shouting it from the rooftops, but I’m not shy about it either. People think I have plenty of time, but I don’t feel like I have plenty of time. And ultimately, it’s my choice. So the term “thinker” doesn’t seem to fit me anymore. I consider myself a “planner”. I’m making plans, getting things ready.

I want to have an awesome 30th birthday party. I have my girlfriends all ready to do something big. It’s going to be my bachelorette. I think that’s reasonable. I’m going to go from single girl to mother. That’s way more of a commitment of time, energy, and freedom than getting married. I’m settling down, just not with a man. So before I dive into the world of basal body temp, ovulation predictor kits, and cervical mucus; let’s party! Then it’s down to business.

I have gone over all my finances (several times now). I want x amount of money in the bank; x amount for the actual cost of trying to conceive. I want to have my will, estate plan, guardianship, insurance and all of that in order. There are things I want to do to the house (like add stairs on to my deck so I don’t have to walk down to the basement while I’m pregnant to let the dog out). I feel like I can have everything ready in a year. I feel like 30 is a good age to do this. If I thought I could just throw all caution to the wind, I would start trying tomorrow. I’m just not that type of person. I do have some time, so I want to be as prepared as I can. (prepared…for parenthood? Is anyone really?) So…I’m waiting. Waiting to try. Waiting to wait to ovulate…to wait to test…to wait to try again…to wait to have the baby. I’m not the best at waiting…

So I felt like I should set a date. Somehow it felt really important to me so say “this” is when I’m going to start. Not, sometime next year, but a real date. I’m still on the pill (isn’t it strange how much of our lives we go to really great lengths NOT to get pregnant?) so I counted my weeks. I will have a period February 1st. So that will be my first charting cycle. I talked to my OBGYN and she said I need a clean cycle without the birth control pills and to be on the prenatal vitamins before I start trying. So assuming it all works out… I’ll have my period on the first of February; chart the month of February; have another period somewhere around March 1st; and, assuming my cycles are even kind of normal, be ready to have my first insemination around mid March. Whoa! A date! Something I can actually count down to! Even though I’m not doing any more to work toward becoming a mother than I was before…somehow it feels like I am. Each day is a day closer.

I feel better having a date. Will it all go according to plan? Probably not. A year can be a long time for something to go wrong. But, for now, I have a plan. I have a date and a time when I really begin my journey to become a mother. I hope this year goes by quickly, and uneventfully. 354 days to go!


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“To me, being an SMC means taking the courageous step to fulfill your dreams. The support, empowerment, and honest advice I received from other SMCs gave me the courage to take this step, and when I look into my baby's eyes, I know it's the best decision I've ever made.”

– Nikita Parsons