An SMC via IVF

Woman seeing positive pregnancy test.I waited for a long time to find Mr. Right and start a family but that never happened. Finally, I was at an age where I needed to make a choice.  I investigated adoption and hit many barriers.  So, I decided to see a fertility specialist.  I decided against insemination because of my advanced maternal age (I was 45 at the time), but decided to go the IVF route.  I initially wanted to use my own eggs, and according to my test results, I could have tried.  However, after much research of my own, the percentages I was finding for successful term pregnancies using my own eggs vs. a donor egg were about 5% vs. 50%.

I thought and prayed about it and finally decided that if I was willing to adopt a child, a genetic connection wasn’t all that important to me.  However, knowing that the fetus was well taken care of during pregnancy and having the ability to breastfeed were important to me. Plus, if I was going to dish out 20+K on this venture, I wanted to give myself the best odds of having a successful pregnancy.  Thus, I decided on using a frozen donor egg and donor sperm.

Fortunately, I live in an area where my fertility specialist has a donor egg bank. I was also impressed with all of the information available to me about the sperm donor. I think I know more about my sperm donor than most of the men I’ve dated.  I also decided to do genetic chromosomal screening of the embryo before my transfer because I felt that if I was going to spend 20K, I might as well spend 24K to make sure my child doesn’t have a major chromosomal abnormality.  And, I’m very glad I did it because of the 2 blastocysts that grew to the point of being able to be transferred, one was chromosomally abnormal. As a result, I had one viable, healthy embryo to transfer and it worked the first time.

I’m now 18 weeks pregnant with my first, healthy, child.  I was ok with only having one embryo from the experience because I was only planning on having one child anyway.  I feel that the genetic testing probably increased my chances of pregnancy even more, because if I hadn’t done it and they had transferred the other embryo, I probably would have miscarried.

I was a little guarded at first about telling people how I had achieved pregnancy because I wasn’t sure how they would respond to my decision, but I am happy to say that the support and encouragement from my family and friends has been overwhelmingly positive.


9 thoughts on “An SMC via IVF”

  1. Hello, it’s really great to read all of your thoughts and messages as I too am considering using both a sperm and an egg donor. The thought of doing it as a 44-year-old single mother with no biological connection is daunting but also exciting and wonderful that I have that option. I would love to hear more from women who have been through the process about their reflections and the bond that they have with their child or children.

    1. I’m so glad that you’re finding these posts helpful! If you’d like to hear more from others, join us! We discuss all these things, and much more, in Single Mothers by Choice (SMC). We’d love to have you with us. We have a sub forum on our discussion Forum just for members who are using or have used donor egg/donor sperm. You can get great support and information on our 24/7 online Forum and in our local chapters. To join, go to

  2. Wow! Your note comes like a fresh breeze air! I had to make the choice to go through egg donor as well as semen donor and I was so scared thinking about it. I am 46 so my choices are very limited but I want to keep on trying. I understand now that it might be the answer to my prayers so why not?
    Thank you for your note and for giving hope to other people like me. No idea where this will take me but ready for the journey! Good luck to all of you!

  3. It’s so hard for me to find other SMC that used donor sperm AND eggs. I’d love to connect. Most single moms in my realm have an ex and don’t fully understand my situation. Congratulations also!!! Mine is almost 2 now. I’m now looking at writing my own kids book because this specific situation isn’t covered either. Sending love and light!


    1. Hi Meghann, There is a strong and supportive community within Single Mothers by Choice (SMC) of members who used Donor Egg and Donor Sperm, so you can get good support if you decide to join us.

      If you’re interested in joining, go to If you have any questions, write to this address (our office) and we’ll be glad to help.

  4. Thank you so much for sharing! I have been longing for children my whole life, but had a long illness that made me believe it could never happen. However, I am healthier than ever now and getting my hopes up. I’m 42 so that’s much older than I had planned, but reading about other older moms gives me courage. I was considering adoption or hoping my eggs were ok. I never considered using a donor egg until I read your thoughts. Thank you.

  5. Just can’t belive to read this, because – this was almost the same as my life’s story few years ago. The only difference was that I traveled to another country for the procedure (my country has only 625.000 inhabitants).
    A year ago I had a transfer and today I am watching my little one sleeping in a crib next to me.
    At the end, trusting my instincts and having positive attitude was everything that I should do to make my dream come true.

    1. That’s great to hear! I am brand new to this site. I am considering egg donor and sperm donor or adoption and when I think about going further with the IVF process I get so scared. I really want to talk to some people who have done it. I just turned 44 and time is running out!

      1. Good luck to you! If you have alreadyjoined Single Mothers by Choice, you’ll find a wealth of support and information available to you. Check out our online Forum with threads on just about every possible topic related to the SMC journey. Write to our office, if you need help with anything related to your membership.

        If you haven’t yet joined, please do!

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