In the mail last week, I received a storage invoice for cord blood from Elliot’s birth. In a few months, I’ll get one for the embryos I have on ice at the fertility place. They’re stored there, safe and sound. Three of them. I don’t think about it often, but when I am asked if I’ll have another child, of course it sends me into thoughts of what could be. My initial thought is no way, absolutely not. I’ve said it so many times that I have all my love in the world to give to a baby, but I have 1 set of hands- two children would be too much for me to handle on my own. Physically, financially, mentally, logistically.
But I sure am curious to know what would happen if I did. What the potential of that child could be in this world. I loved being pregnant. Elliot is an unbelievably good baby. We’ve got a great thing going, adding to our family could be wonderful…especially when the children are older. BUT, realistically, there’s a slim chance I’d have another babe as angelic as him and be so lucky again to have a healthy, easy pregnancy. And then there’s real life to live where I would be chasing after Elliot and cuddling a new baby at the same time, all by myself. NO WAY JOSE. He’s only crawling now and he’s so quick I know I’m really in for it once he’s walking. On top of this, the financial side of raising a family with 2 children is a big consideration.
So far I am loving raising Elliot solo. And if I were to fall for a great man who wanted more children, I would be game for sure. If I am still able, physically. A tricky thing that comes into play there is that I have embryos, but not eggs, frozen. So if I got pregnant the old fashioned way then we’re golden. But if not and we dive into IVF, either he would have to be happy with not sharing any of his DNA with the new baby, since they’d be from me and the sperm donor, or I’d have to go through the whole fertility cycle again of meds, egg harvesting, testing- basically the hard part. And I am 41, can’t forget that.
And I’ve still got silly Tallulah running around the house too.
I realize this has all just been a long stream of consciousness. There is so much to address on all the topics above – a single mother choosing to have a second child, the emotional decision to keep or let go of frozen embryos, the potential of love in the future and expanding our family, fertility in a woman’s 40s – but maybe that’s for another day. After all, Elliot is off in dreamland napping and if I stop writing now I can take a whole shower, wash my hair and everything.