I always knew I wanted to be a mother.
What I didn’t know—not right away—was that I was going to be a Single Mother by Choice.
I first started to think about becoming a Single Mother by Choice around my 30th birthday. I knew that—if I had to choose—I could be happy having a child and never finding a husband, but I would never be truly happy until I had a child.
As I looked into my new path, Jane’s book, Single Mothers By Choice, became my “bible,” and on August 6, 2014 I officially became a member of SMC. I joined as a “Thinker,” which allowed me to connect with other women who were also thinkers as well as those who were “Trying, Pregnant or Mothering.”
Seeing other SMCs confidently navigate the Manhattan transit system and show up for monthly meetings with their little ones in tow was inspiring. Perhaps even more importantly for me, meeting these women and their children–meeting some of you!–turned what had been a murky dream of motherhood into an actual, realistic goal.
My path to motherhood took me on a rocky and twisting journey, from donor sperm and four IUIs, to two rounds of IVF, two miscarriages, and a great deal of loss. Ultimately—thankfully—eight years after I first started thinking about embarking on my path to motherhood, my path also led to the birth of my daughter via surrogacy using my remaining frozen embryos.
It was four years and four months from when I first joined SMC that Nora Grace was finally born and I became her mom. She was a healthy 8 lb baby girl and the fulfillment of a five-year journey of fertility treatment, an eight-year process of finding my way to motherhood, and a lifetime of hoping and planning.
My path to motherhood included more emotional and medical hurdles than I could ever have anticipated. Although my journey was a difficult one, it led me to discover the importance of patient advocacy, mental health, knowledge, and resilience. Most importantly, I found that by building and leveraging a powerful support system and community of women, I was able to ride the emotional highs and lows of the experience and find joy in my journey.
The women that I met through SMC are a crucial component of that support system, and it was because the SMC organization was there to give me the community I so desperately needed to create and grow my family that I am so passionate about being involved with this organization to an even greater extent than I have been previously.
Since my daughter’s birth I have served as the NYC chapter lead, and partnered with Jane to organize, plan and run the 40th Anniversary celebration that took place last year. As I became an unofficial expert on all things fertility, loss, and pregnancy during my eight-year journey to becoming a mother, I’ve become increasingly passionate about helping other women find and walk their path to motherhood.
In 2022, I graduated from the Integrative Women’s Health Institute as a IWHI Certified Women’s Health Coach and started a small side business coaching women through their fertility journeys, with a special focus on Single Mothers by Choice. I’ve long heard the saying, ’Find a job you love and you will never work a day in your life’. I’ve been blessed to enjoy my corporate work leading Product Marketing for advertising technology companies, but nothing compares to the joy I get when working with women at all stages of their own journeys as they navigate how to become the mother they want to be.
All of this is why I am so excited that I am now going to put my focus on leading SMC to the next phase of its growth as the new Executive Director, and on building out my coaching business. For over 40 years, SMC has ensured that if you are thinking about single motherhood, or have already decided to become a Single Mother by Choice, you don’t have to be alone on your journey. We have exciting plans to grow the organization, but at its core it will continue to provide a welcoming community for guidance and exceptional support.
For me, the connection to the Single Mothers by Choice organization started as a book, a meeting and many hours spent on the Forum during my journey. Now it is a cornerstone of my life. I don’t know if I would’ve been able to be successful on my own journey to and through motherhood without the support of this community. I couldn’t be more excited about this new chapter in my life and the ability to give back to the SMC community. I’d love to hear about your experience with SMC and ideas for the future! Please email me at email@example.com.
Kat Curtin is a single mother by choice (SMC) who became an unofficial expert on all things fertility, loss, and pregnancy during her eight-year journey to becoming a mother to her four-year-old daughter, Nora Grace. Kat is passionate about helping other women find and walk their path to motherhood. She is the NYC Chapter lead, Executive Director of Single Mothers By Choice and the founder of Journey Concierge for women’s health and fertility coaching.
To discuss this and other SMC topics, join SMC and take part in our discussions on our lively online 24/7 Forum and at local chapter meetings.