Working My Way Toward Becoming An SMC

womanlaptopSo, here I am, working my way toward becoming a single mother by choice – reading books and articles, taking advantage of a great local SMC chapter, haunting the online SMC Forum for insights and information, surfing cryobank donor lists. I’m dotting all the “i”s and crossing all the “t”s, taking  pre-natal vitamins, trying to eat better and get more sleep. I’m making lists and generally trying to stay in control of everything I can.

And I’m laughing. Because if there’s anything I’ve learned from my friends who are parents, my own parents and the kids in my family, it’s that being a good (and not insane) parent has a lot less to do with how in control you are and a lot more to do with how well you deal with all the things you can’t control. And, wow, is this process a test of those skills. I can

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SMCs With Twins

When I first began my journey towards becoming a mother, a visit with an infertility counselor was mandatory.  It was a mostly predictable conversation for me where I was asked what I would do to cope with parenthood, the stress of treatments, and the potential that the treatments might not work, but then the counselor asked me a question I was not expecting, “What do you think you will do if you succeed…A LOT…as in you become pregnant with twins (or more)”.  My response was, “Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!”.

Truthfully, before cancer, chemo, surgeries and the impending 4th decade laid waste to my ovaries, I actually had a genetic predisposition towards twins.  Growing up, my family would always say “You know, every third generation is twins and guess where you fall?”.  I have two sets of second cousin twins and my grandfather was a twin.  I don’t know if it is true or

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Patience is For Wimps!

I am probably one of the most impatient people I know.  I am also extremely indecisive, but once I finally make a decision I am set,  but that’s a different post. When I am ready for something I am ready NOW!  Not a year from now, not a month, not even an hour!  I plan a lot.  My plans change,  I have no issue with that, but I love to have lists and plans made far in advance.

When I was in grade eight I had planned out all the courses I would take in high school.  I really couldn’t wait to start.  Then in high school I planned for university, I think you get the idea.  Now that I have decided to have a child I am ready now.  I think it’s worse to just be sitting, waiting to start trying, as opposed to waiting for the baby.  Once

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Time Lost. Time Gained

There are many things I miss about not having the amount of time and energy I used to have. I miss cooking a simple dinner that I would crave at that moment while listening to my favorite playlist and drinking a gin tonic, or a glass of wine or a vodka tonic or any alcoholic drink. No I don’t have a drinking problem; I currently have a booby problem. Yes I still breastfeed him, yes I choose not to drink alcohol while I’m breastfeeding but boy do I miss my occasional cocktail. I also miss a long nap after a good big meal. My naps are now usually the half an hour Marco sleeps without moving or waking up wanting to play. Please don’t get me started on the last time I watched a full movie with no interruptions, or something that was not animated (baby tv is on as

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What Do We Say About Daddy?

Jane_Headshot_2_2-150x150Many of our children ask questions about their fathers, and right now, with Father’s Day approaching, we are all thinking and talking more about it. When we made the decision to become an Single Mother by Choice, this subject was, for many of us, the one which we were most concerned about, and rightly so. Deciding to raise a child without a father has a real impact on our children and on us.

Having some understanding of child development can be very helpful in feeling more comfortable in talking with your child about this important subject. For example. toddlers initially get their view of the world from their parents, and take their cues about how to feel about most things in life from them. So if you tell your toddler, when s/he asks about their “daddy”, that some families have a daddy and some don’t, the child will usually be

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I’m Not Alone!! Oh Great Goddess, I am NOT ALONE!

crowd copyUnless you are nearing or over 40, single and childless, you cannot imagine how I feel and that’s not your fault – we are just living different experiences. I have not been able to express to my friends how it FEELS to be in my situation, but I am now connected with other women who TRULY understand what it’s like to want a child so much that they will do it on her own – even when deep down they really want the whole family package. Seriously, if we were given more time biologically, we would wait for the right relationship, but we don’t have that luxury.

It means so much to me to have access to people who are going through what I am going through and to share their experiences too. The more I read on the SMC Forum, the more convinced I am that I am making

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Hope and Mourning

Making the decision to adopt was not difficult.  After two summers of failed attempts to grow a suitable uterine lining,  I realized that I had to make a choice.  I could try either more aggressive, entirely experimental, shot-in-the-dark treatments to get my unresponsive lining to grow,, or I could move toward adoption.  Infertility is extraordinarily expensive to address; adoption is extraordinarily expensive to pursue.  If I had to take that gamble, adoption seemed the option most likely to lead to success; my body, in so many ways throughout my life, had shown me that it just can’t be made to understand what it needs to do.  And so I shifted seamlessly from doctor’s visits to agency research and home study paperwork.  My hope was renewed.

And yet… There exists a certain duality in this experience, the bursts of effervescent optimism tipped by periods of startling grief.  I have moments –

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Have a Great Memorial Day Weekend!

 Enjoy your holiday weekend.!

The SMC Blog will return next week.

 

 

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One Baby or More

Today I realized I should work on deciding to have one baby or more (oh if it only were as easy as playing one potato,  two potatoes, three potatoes, four.)

It just so happens I recently visited my gynecologist,  accompanying my mom on her routine checkup, and what seemed to be a regular morning of errands suddenly turned into an existential debate whether to possibly stay with one child or use my third vial left in attempt to get pregnant again. This turn of events happened because my doctor reminded me of the fact that I’m 37 years old and the sooner I have a baby, the better chance I have to get pregnant and having a healthy, complicated free pregnancy.

I’m not scared of the being a preggo again, I just loved being pregnant! Yes I got bloated, I was super tired all the time, I got really heavy

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