Have a Great Memorial Day Weekend!

 Enjoy your holiday weekend.!

The SMC Blog will return next week.

 

 

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One Baby or More

Today I realized I should work on deciding to have one baby or more (oh if it only were as easy as playing one potato,  two potatoes, three potatoes, four.)

It just so happens I recently visited my gynecologist,  accompanying my mom on her routine checkup, and what seemed to be a regular morning of errands suddenly turned into an existential debate whether to possibly stay with one child or use my third vial left in attempt to get pregnant again. This turn of events happened because my doctor reminded me of the fact that I’m 37 years old and the sooner I have a baby, the better chance I have to get pregnant and having a healthy, complicated free pregnancy.

I’m not scared of the being a preggo again, I just loved being pregnant! Yes I got bloated, I was super tired all the time, I got really heavy

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Me, My Mother, and My Children

I called my mother last night. Something I generally do a few times a week, but have done less often in the last month or two. I just don’t feel like talking once I get the kids to bed. But I called her.

My mother was a good mom. I never ever ever doubted her love for me. Even when she told me, in so many words, that “she didn’t really like me right now”. As the oldest of 3, I think I carried a lot of responsibility. Some of it placed on me (mommy’s little helper, type things), and some of it just my internalization of my role in the family. My parents were somewhat free-range, pretty normal for the 70s. I had no actual needs that went unmet, but there also wasn’t lots of extra money, until I was in the middle of high school.

But my mom

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To Mom or Not to Mom

img_1264Last year at this time I was about to  undergo my second round of donor insemination, and little did I know that my life was about to change forever. Deciding to be an  SMC (Single Mother by Choice) was the scariest and most gratifying choice I could ever make. A friend once asked me if could live a happy life without a man in it. I said at that moment that I didn’t know but I was willing to try. However, when it came down to answering if could live my life without ever becoming a Mom, my answer with no hesitation whatsoever was NO.

So when I got the results back with a positive, I knew that my ultimate happiness was soon to come, and 40 weeks later when I held my beautiful baby boy in my arms, my life right there and then was complete. He completes me

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The Beginning

I was fifteen. From the window of the doctor’s office, I could see the shapes of buildings on Manhattan’s east side, beyond which lay the East River and a sky that, I remember, was bright with sunshine. It was so long ago, twenty-three years, but I remember the day as a sunny one, autumn and brisk. My endocrinologist was a tiny woman with a rich Scottish brogue, and I had enjoyed, during our many visits, learning about the inner workings of my endocrine system, the complex interplay of hormones and their various failings which had led me to her office. On this day–after weeks of tests involving two sonograms, an ACTH test, endless vials of blood–I would receive my diagnosis: polycystic ovary syndrome. She explained the factors involved, that it was the likely cause of the visible symptoms I’d been experiencing since I hit puberty, that there are various effects

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We Wanted To Be Moms

When I turned thirty-five the last thing on my mind was becoming a mother. I had spent my late teens, twenties, and early thirties so wrapped up in myself; the thought of having the responsibility of a child was submerged somewhere between marriage and home ownership.  I was content being a perennial student, keeping a day job, and sabotaging potentially long-term relationships.  Then, some time in my thirty-fifth year, an unprecedented urge pierced my thoughts, rattling my body like an alarm clock, only this was purely biological.

I thought there must be other women like me.  There were.  Single Mothers by Choice (SMC) was founded in 1981.

I pulled the top down to my Jeep Wrangler, wearing my skinny jeans, and drove to my first SMC meeting.  I walked into a room of tired-looking moms whose kids were all around the same age.  They undoubtedly drove safe cars with secure

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Why I Want to Be a Mother

I want to share my vision of the world with my child or children; that life is expansive, not restrictive. that life is joyful and involves down time and bad times, but is exhilarating more often than it is draining or exhausting. I have lived in several countries, and cultures, and I want to pass on the knowledge that the world is a large place, and that there is a place and purpose for everyone, even several of each for you in one lifetime. I want to open their hearts to really believing in and pursuing their dreams.

I want to integrate them into my very large, loving family–they have numerous cousins waiting for them!

I want to teach them my native language, and pass on our rich Indian heritage to them. I want them to meet their great-grandmother, one of the greatest ladies I know. I want them to

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He’s All Mine

hes-mine-laMine. All mine.

Now that Elliot and I are out and about town, we often meet strangers who like to have a look inside the bassinet and see who’s in there. I like to watch them smile when they meet him. He makes me smile and so when he makes randoms smile too, I think how happy the world would be if I could bottle his smile and give it away. Pretty sappy, I know. Also, I can’t wait for the days when he is big enough to have on my hip. I have always had a nice image of that in my mind. Though he weighs a ton, he’s just too little for that. If he’s out of the stroller, he is up against my shoulder, where he likes to snuggle in, look at the world and be adorable. Thankfully nobody has tried to touch him, I would bite

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