Single Mom by Choice Statistics

You may be surprised to learn just how many Single Moms by Choice are out there. When I started the process, I thought I was one of few. I had a hard time finding stories about SMCs that share their real life experiences. But as I have dived into my research and connected with many other SMCs, I’ve learned that it is becoming a popular path to motherhood for single woman.

We are fortunate that today, a family can look different than the traditional mom, dad, and child make-up. Different family forms are emerging, and the number of single mothers by choice is increasing.

I’ve done some research to learn more about what is happening with Single Moms by Choice in recent years. Cryos’ Sperm and Egg Bank has released these statistics of 300 of Single Moms by Choice.

1. MORE THAN HALF OF THEIR CUSTOMERS ARE SINGLE MOTHERS BY

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First Steps

Recently I’ve made the first move into becoming an SMC. I paid a visit to my doctor-it was as simple as that.  Technically there were many unofficial first steps before that, such as the research, the saving, and of course,  joining the SMC organization.  But this, however, is the first concrete action that I could mark on the calendar as the first day, a tangible act that will propel me closer to my goal.

Such a small act to accomplish, yet it took me forever to muster the courage.  Reaching out to my doctor was the first time I had ever vocalized wanting to be a mother to another person. Everyone who knows me has known me by my no-child-having stance that has stood firm for the last 20 or so years. I haven’t really updated anyone on this yet; for now I like keeping the secret to myself, it … Continue reading

My Only Regret is That I Waited So Long

I’ve always wanted to have children, always wanted to mother. I’ve been an au pair to other families, spent time with all of the kids of friends and family. I hoped and assumed, of course, that I would have a family of my own when the time came.

I suppose that’s the tricky part – that time thing. Like many, I’ve been in a series of long relationships that have not withstood the tests of time. A long medical training that I started when I was twenty-eight ended ten years later. And there I was, at thirty-eight, for the first time seriously thinking of having a child on my own.

So many questions came to mind – how could I do it? How could I make it work in time and money and love? And most importantly, would it be, could it be fair to bring in child into the Continue reading

Happy July 4th!

 

Have a good July 4th! Our blog will return next week.

Questions about deciding to become an SMC, trying to conceive, or single parenting?  Join SMC and get great support and wisdom from our members.

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The Cost of Solo Motherhood – Year One

HOW MUCH DOES A BABY REALLY COST IN THE FIRST YEAR? WHAT I AM PLANNING TO SPEND.

BABY EXPENSES FOR MONTH 0 – $2,500

Before your baby is even born, you will need to buy a lot. We’re talking bassinets, clothes, stroller, etc. The cost of what you choose to spend here can vary drastically. Luckily, if you are an SMBC who is having a baby later in life like me, you’ll have friends who are happy to loan you the old baby necessities that they no longer use. Plus, if you have a baby shower you are sure to get a lot of the gear you need. Costs can span a wide range, I’m trying to budget about $2,500 of my own money to get me set up in a functional way for solo motherhood.

MONTH 1 – THE NEWBORN PHASE – AROUND $300

The birth of my baby … Continue reading

Why I’m Not (Too) Afraid of Father’s Day

As we approach Father’s Day this year, it occurred to me that no one, aside from the social worker whose job it is to broach such tough questions, has asked me about the “daddy issue.” As a single woman hoping to conceive a child with a donor, there will be no father in our family (unless I’m lucky enough to find a husband later in life). I know, despite everyone’s support, at least a few people must have wondered how I feel about raising a child without a dad. The truth? Scared. But also steadfast.

I was raised in a family with two loving parents, a mom and a dad. So were nearly all of my friends. I didn’t even have a friend with divorced parents until high school. So the idea of raising a child in any form of non-traditional family is frightening, but that’s because it’s unknown, not … Continue reading

A Letter to My Donor

Thank You noteDear Donor,

We’ve never met.  In fact, you have no idea of my specific existence, but I think about you a lot.  Sometimes on the subway I’ll see a youngish brown-haired man and wonder if we’re connected.  When an older gentleman or woman passes by, I think about your folks —what they’re like and if they have grandkids.  Other grandkids, that is.

See, I have a son, Isaiah, who’s two and a half, and you, my anonymous sperm donor, made him possible.  For that I thank you with all the gratitude I can summon now and forever.  That sounds like a corny love song lyric, I realize, but the sentiment is true.  I’m so deeply appreciative that something—a little extra cash? some desire to change the life of someone you’ve never met? an inexplicable nudge from the universe?—motivated you to head to a sperm bank some years ago.  With this … Continue reading

Meeting Donor Siblings: The Postmodern Family Vacation

I sifted through my Sunday paper yesterday morning, pulling out the usual bits – coupons, TV guide, Target ad, and USA Weekend. On the latter’s cover were pictures of the characters from NBCs debut of “The New Normal” and the corresponding story inside was titled “The Postmodern Family.”

“The Postmodern Family?”  Really?  How could I resist?

The article talked about the multitude of upcoming shows based on non-traditional families. TV historian Tim Brooks notes that television has often presented us with non-traditional families, as it reflects what’s already going on in our current society. For example, The Brady Bunch in its time reflected “the trend of a blended family,” where adults with children from previous marriages came together to form a new family unit.

This particular example rather amused me, as I just had a Very Brady Summer Vacation…

Back when I was pregnant with my son, there was a … Continue reading

Vacation?

woman with trailerI am a single mother of 4 (almost 5) year old boy girl twins.  My mother is 71 and she lives with us in the summer and in Arizona for the winter.  My mother thinks that kids today have too many organized activities and need to spend more time with nothing to do.  To further this theory, my mother bought us a 16 foot house trailer (the kind you pull behind a car).   So, we just got back from our first camping trip.  We left on Saturday and got home on Wednesday.

The back story is that when we went to pick up the trailer from the guy who sold it to us he spent about 2 hours explaining to me how to work everything.  He told me that once I was familiar with everything the set up would take about 1.5 hrs.  I took copious notes and promptly came … Continue reading