A Lovely Thing, A Wonderful Love

We have a great thing, Elliot and I. I am sure everybody thinks their baby is the cutest ever, but I really really think I have the most wonderful, adorable, gorgeous, happiest baby ever. EVER.  He is so sunny.  Smiley. Healthy.  Handsome. It’s insane to me.  I am 100% smitten.  And a really nice perk of being his mommy is that he seems to be smitten with me too.  It’s an incredible feeling to be able to calm him with just a smile or smooch.

I haven’t been writing at all – between caring for Elliot and spending a lot of time just staring at him and also being back to work full time, I let everything else go for a while.  But I do miss getting things down and as I learn and experience things, I’d like to get back into the swing of it. He’s just a bit

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Pregnancy Loneliness

Greetings from the other side of pregnancy! A recent post on the Single Mothers by Choice (SMC) members’ online Forum got me reminiscing about my pregnancy. I found being single and pregnant with twins one of the most difficult and lonely periods of my life. I had planned and budgeted for a singleton and kept my fingers crossed that I wouldn’t have a multiple pregnancy, but lucky me, I got a two-for-one discount from the sperm bank. I’m actually quite happy about it now, but it was not good news for me at first.

At the time I was definitely excited, but the feelings of excitement were so overwhelmed by intense fear, sadness, and guilt. I was so scared about being a single mom to two infants that if I thought about it for too long I would get the shakes and my eyes would well up. I would just

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Needed: Honest Mom Friends

Me, making polite small talk with a friend and fellow baby boy mom: So how’s your little guy?

Her, replying in an equally sweet tone: Oh, good, thanks. And yours?

Me: Great… (pause, wondering how this will be received, then not caring, because I really needed to spew) …but he’s kind of driving me nuts wanting to ‘walk’ all the time and not letting me put him down even to pee without freaking out. Weekends alone with him are exhausting right now. I live for naptimes.

Now she could have laughed and tried to convince me it was just a stage, or nodded and said, “Yeah, that must be tough,” leaving me feeling even more guilty about not loving and cherishing every moment I’m home with Little Man.

Instead she shared her own honest feelings about the loveliness that occurs as babies develop their own personalities and opinions (i.e. temper

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Is This Really Happening? – Letting It In

I would love to say that I cried with joy, jumped up and down like crazy and have been elated ever since I found out that I’m pregnant, overcome with excitement and relief. Just reveling in it all. Safely living in a bubble of bliss. I truly wish that has been my experience.

To be completely honest, it took me about a week to believe it, to let the news settle in and comprehend that I am actually pregnant. That it worked this time. It’s happening. I was indeed thrilled at first. You bet I was! And 10 minutes later it was as if it wasn’t real. That it wasn’t happening at all. Like being pregnant was just something my mom and I were talking about. Not really real.

Who could blame me- I had 9 failed IUIs and 1 unsuccessful round of IVF. And a surgery. It’s been rough.

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My SMC Journey: First baby and me, then hubby makes 3!

If you had told me when I was 38 and picking a sperm donor that only a few years later I would not only have a healthy son, but also a wonderful husband and four stepchildren, I would have laughed you out of the room! That’s the stuff of Hallmark movies, not real life, right?

When I was young I wasn’t sure I wanted children, or even to get married. My family is quite old-fashioned, and I didn’t have any role models who were mothers and had careers. I saw how much the women in my family had sacrificed, and I was not interested in giving up my hopes and dreams. Even though I liked kids, I saw how much power the male breadwinners had, and vowed to always be able to support myself.

Fortunately I left my conservative Midwestern town for college, and got to see some more progressive

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The Hardest Part of Being a Single Mom

When I first reached out to friends and family to tell them of my decision to become a single mother by choice, I expected people to tell me it would be hard, harder than I could imagine, maybe too hard to really want to do it on my own. And while I was lucky to receive tremendous support of my decision, a few friends and family members were honest enough to tell me this, not to scare me off, but to make sure I knew what I was getting into.

I appreciated the honesty, but I knew what I was getting into. (Go ahead, you can laugh at me now.)

I’d heard the stories of rough labors, seen my friends and family members’ struggles with nursing, tried to offer help and comfort when exhaustion, or illness, or the newest tough stage of development had worn them thin. I knew it

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Happy Labor Day

HAPPY LABOR DAY WEEKEND!

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THE SMC BLOG WILL RETURN NEXT WEEK.

Do you have questions about deciding to become an SMC, trying to conceive, or single parenting?  Join SMC and get great support and wisdom from our members.

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New Beginnings

Scanning of a stomach of pregnant womanOne year ago I began my journey toward single motherhood.

Despite my age (nearly 42), it never occurred to me that I wouldn’t become pregnant right away. I chose a doctor and a donor and by the beginning of April I was ready for my first attempt via intrauterine insemination. Two weeks later I learned I was pregnant, and I was elated! The few people I had told were astonished I got pregnant so quickly, but I didn’t understand why. I assumed I would be pregnant because I wanted to be. Isn’t that the way it works?

Still, I knew it wasn’t a done deal and to get excited too early would be foolish. I would play it safe and wait until the amnio results before telling anyone but my closest friends and relatives. And so I waited.

In the meantime I had one test after another. Genetic testing, urine

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Vacation?

I am a single mother of 4 (almost 5) year old boy girl twins.  My mother is 71 and she lives with us in the summer and in Arizona for the winter.  My mother thinks that kids today have too many organized activities and need to spend more time with nothing to do.  To further this theory, my mother bought us a 16 foot house trailer (the kind you pull behind a car).   So, we just got back from our first camping trip.  We left on Saturday and got home on Wednesday.

The back story is that when we went to pick up the trailer from the guy who sold it to us he spent about 2 hours explaining to me how to work everything.  He told me that once I was familiar with everything the set up would take about 1.5 hrs.  I took copious notes and promptly came

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Our Second “Family Day”

My son’s 2nd adoption anniversary is this month.  It’s so weird that he has only been my “legal” son for 2 years.  It’s almost easy to forget how uncertain things were while I was fostering him and how I lived in fear that something would happen and CPS would take him from me.  Now, he’s almost 4 and he has such a personality!  He’s also starting to understand “adoption” a little more.

I know there’s so much controversy about celebrating Adoption Days. I don’t really look at it as “celebrating,”  I look at it more like “remembering”… talking about how we became a family and reflecting on it.  As my son gets older he will have more say in how and what we do to “commemorate” our adoption.

I actually don’t call it “adoption day” or “gotcha day.”  I don’t really like those phrases.  I refer to it as our

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