The day had finally arrived for me to receive my baby. My mother had flown to San Antonio the day before in order to accompany me when I picked him up. She also planned to spend two weeks with me to assist with the adjustment process. We were both nervous and excited as we made the two-hour drive to the agency.
When we arrived at the agency, I spent approximately an hour completing paperwork and paying the agency fee . Finally, after all the administrative details were done, the agency staff began taking pictures of my mother and I while we waited. Next, the foster mother entered the room carrying my baby. What a moment! Words can not explain the emotions I felt. Suddenly, I forgot about all the uncertainty of the past 19 months. All I could focus on was my beautiful baby boy.
He was three months and … Continue reading
A word to everyone out there who is on the Trying to Conceive (TTC) roller-coaster… whether you just got on the ride or you’ve been on the ride for years and you’re desperately ready to get off and wonder if it’s EVER going to end… Our Single Mothers by Choice (SMC) online Forums can often focus so much on the difficult parts of this journey, and sometimes it helps to have someone say something different, so…
Keep on keeping on. It is frequently a hard and brutal journey, and it is almost always more difficult than we anticipated. It’s often emotionally overwhelming to be SO ready to move forward at the same time that you’re grieving over the fairy tale. And the longer the ride goes on the greater the emotional toll and the more you question yourself. But be strong and just think about how the last mile of … Continue reading
When I began the Trying to Conceive (TTC) process in April 2009, I joined Single Mothers by Choice (SMC). As I lay here, 32 weeks pregnant with twins on bed rest, I didn’t consider how important a community of support would be before my babies arrived.
While I realize that many SMCs choose to be very private about their decision, I decided very early on to be very open with friends and family. I wanted and needed for people to cheer me on, to support me, and to be a part of my exciting journey. Fortunately, almost everyone “got on the bus” very quickly.
I got pregnant on my 5th cycle and was surprised to learn that I was pregnant with twins. I hoped for a smooth pregnancy but knew the risks. I don’t have family nearby. I live on the East Coast, and my family is in Michigan. At … Continue reading
So before I even joined Single Mothers by Choice (SMC) this week, my “thinking” had been going on for a couple of years. These past couple of years I had become the relationship chameleon placing all hope in adapting myself to the next guy I would date in the hopes that he could be the father of my child. Ah, yes, the old rhyme “First comes love….then comes marriage”. Despite being in a relationship right now, I have decided that I have all the time in the world to get married, but not so much if I want to become pregnant.
For the record, I am dating someone who has amazingly survived cystic fibrosis, however this condition does not allow him to have children naturally. He makes sperm, but it does not leave the testes. It is a genetic vasectomy. We have been dating for 8 months now, but neither … Continue reading
It’s a mother of an evolution —launching Mothers’ Day 2011.
If you’re on a journey to motherhood after 40 —whether via natural fertility, IVF, egg donation, surrogacy, adoption, or you’re parenting in progress —it’s your time to stand up and be counted.
In 2010, the CDC reported that the only age group in the United States to show a RISE in birth rate were women over 40.
I have a theory that everyone is now just 1 or 2 degrees away from a mother over 40 or a woman who’s going to be.
We talk of supporting the next generation of children who are faced with saving a planet nearly crucified by human greed.
Who’s empowering the mothers who will raise them? A growing number of them are mothers over 40.
The evolution of women having children later is bringing change at the bedrock of our culture.
And take heed: … Continue reading
As a proud Single Mother by Choice (SMC) of amazing seven-year-old twin girls it’s sometimes hard for me to remember the feelings of fear and failure I had when I embarked on this journey. In fact, like most SMCs I meet, I am so happy with my kids, so clear that single parenting (though hard) comes with distinct benefits, that I sometimes wonder if the world has changed to the point where the feelings I had have become anachronistic. But I made a documentary on the topic, and women thinking about becoming SMCs sometimes contact me to ask questions or just to talk and when they do I see my embarrassment and terror all over again.
Obviously women calling for support are a select group. I know women who say they didn’t sweat the decision. But what I see when I get these calls are smart, capable, relatively financially stable … Continue reading
It started as an email: Catherine, I know you wanted to talk to me about your son’s adoption before we tackled the first assignment about family, his teacher wrote; but with the beginning of the year being so busy, I forgot to ask you before today. This morning the students are going to be asked to write about their family. Is there anything special you would like me to know beforehand?
With three minutes until my own homeroom bell, I knew this was not going to be an optimal setting for our conversation. Email feels less and less adequate as a form of communication to me, but I didn’t have a choice. I was very pleased she had reached out, and felt that she was right on the mark for asking.
My answer looked something like this; Encourage him (privately if possible–to avoid him having to answer a zillion … Continue reading
Taking the Single Mothers by Choice (SMC) route has been an amazingly interesting journey so far (which is a little like saying we saw some snow this winter in the Northeast!). There were a couple of moments that stand out in my memory in particularly sharp focus. One such occasion was a conversation with my therapist before I had even started trying to conceive and was still trying to chase the elusive child-with-partner dream. We were discussing the guy I was involved with who was not stepping up to the plate (in fact he had left the field altogether but I wasn’t able to acknowledge that yet). My therapist commented: “He may not be a sure, but but you are”, and it fell into place that I was everything I was looking for in a partner – reliable, dependable, hard working, responsible, thoughtful, caring – and he was none of … Continue reading
Sometimes I hear members of Single Mothers by Choice (SMC) talking about the “dreaded Daddy questions” but I don’t think it needs to be a “dreaded question”. In fact, I set things up so it wasn’t a question at all. By that I mean that from the time he was born, I told my son “our story” about how there was a mama who was sad because she didn’t have a baby, and she didn’t have a husband to be a daddy. So a nice man called the donor gave the special seeds to a doctor who put them into the mama to make a baby with her eggs, who of course turned out to be my son! (That was my version of it, I never bought any of the books on this topic). When he was around 3, he could tell the story back to me and it was … Continue reading
I just turned 29. All the time I hear “you’re so young” “wait for Mr. Right” “you’ve got plenty of time” from people I talk to about my choice to become a single mother. I’m not exactly shouting it from the rooftops, but I’m not shy about it either. People think I have plenty of time, but I don’t feel like I have plenty of time. And ultimately, it’s my choice. So the term “thinker” doesn’t seem to fit me anymore. I consider myself a “planner”. I’m making plans, getting things ready.
I want to have an awesome 30th birthday party. I have my girlfriends all ready to do something big. It’s going to be my bachelorette. I think that’s reasonable. I’m going to go from single girl to mother. That’s way more of a commitment of time, energy, and freedom than getting married. I’m settling down, just not with … Continue reading