Category Archives: adoption

The Anvil

I’m putting this out there: why not consider that me becoming a mom IS going to happen, rather than always thinking it ISN’T going to happen?

They say that if you think positively, this attracts positivity. I’ve always felt this is nonsense.  I have always believed that if I think positively, then that is exactly the way for something bad to happen. You know how Wile E. Coyote is always running around trying to do things, and the Road Runner always seems to drop an anvil on his head? That’s how I view myself in the world– that an anvil is always about to drop and crush me.

Now that I say it out loud, it seems kind of sad.

Also, let’s analyze this critically. Wile E. Coyote always has dastardly intentions: to kill the Road Runner. So really, it makes sense in the Looney Tunes world that his evil … Continue reading

The Day I Realized I Liked Kids

I know lots of women who always knew they wanted kids. I was never one of them.

We already have enough people in the world, I always thought, so why do I have to go through the bother of having more?  Plus, kids seemed like a total pain. They shit in their pants and whine and generally get in the way of you having a good time.

I wasn’t particularly excited when I learned my brother and his wife were pregnant, and when my baby niece came I didn’t care much. She reminded me of all the other babies I had ever seen. I remember my brother bringing this little bundle of boring humanity into the bathroom early in the morning, saying “look! Auntie is brushing her teeth!” It was too early for baby talk, and I barked at him to leave me alone.

I did have to admit she … Continue reading

Why I Want to Be a Mother

I want to share my vision of the world with my child or children; that life is expansive, not restrictive. that life is joyful and involves down time and bad times, but is exhilarating more often than it is draining or exhausting. I have lived in several countries, and cultures, and I want to pass on the knowledge that the world is a large place, and that there is a place and purpose for everyone, even several of each for you in one lifetime. I want to open their hearts to really believing in and pursuing their dreams.

I want to integrate them into my very large, loving family–they have numerous cousins waiting for them!

I want to teach them my native language, and pass on our rich Indian heritage to them. I want them to meet their great-grandmother, one of the greatest ladies I know. I want them to … Continue reading

My Path To Single Motherhood

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about my path to single motherhood. It’s strange, because it feels so natural and normal to me now, that I sometimes forget how unconventional my path has been.

Plan A

Ever since I was a little girl, I always wanted to have children. I had big dreams about having birth children and adopting. My “Plan A” approach was always in this order: fall in love, get married, have birth children, provide foster care, and adopt.

When I turned 28, I started seriously considering the “what if’s” about Plan A not working out. I had just moved to a new state, was away from all my friends/family, and I was finding it difficult to meet any new quality men. I tried a bunch of stuff: online dating, volunteering, getting involved in the community, speed dating, singles events, etc. But it just wasn’t happening … Continue reading

When We’re All Dead…….

“What sports did Grandpa Jim like?” my son asks. We are standing in the kitchen and he is pulling the scissors out from the drawer, cutting the plastic wrap off a frozen raspberry fruit bar.

“He liked all sports,” I say. Sam hands me the wrapper and I place it in the can under the sink. “But I think baseball was his favorite. Baseball and basketball and football.”

We have just snuck inside during Eva’s nap after spending an hour outside in the sticky humidity tossing basketballs into the net from different distances, the point values for each shot marked on the driveway with chalk. Sam was upset when he couldn’t make the shots as easily as he had yesterday, and his voice was getting whinier and higher until finally (thank God!) he made a 5-point shot and declared himself the winner.

Later in the evening we lay in bed … Continue reading

What’s in a Donor?

You never fully understand what goes into choosing a donor until you do it yourself! I had this glamorous idea in my mind that I would have a donor party. Assemble the people closest to me, have some wine, enjoy each others company, and look through donor profiles together. After I grieved the donor party idea, I realized I had to get to work to make decisions that would best fit my needs to conceive with. Funny thing is, I started the donor search out with this long list of criteria, almost like what I would expect to find in a partner. Some of it unrealistic honestly and unfortunately found that yielded no results. So I evaluated what was most important to me….

I started with tall, dark, and handsome! Initially I knew I wanted an African American donor who was tall (so I could give my child a fighting … Continue reading

Seven Reasons to Have a Baby on Your Own

Making the Punishment Fit the Crime

He’s done it again!  My son has pushed my last button, again!  

I am exhausted and stressed beyond words, and finally, finally have everything that absolutely must be done before bed completed, and am on my way in to bed when I find my little night owl five year old has rearranged the living room back to the absolute chaos it was before I straightened it, not one hour ago.  The room that I had taken my precious waning energy and very limited time and straightened, to put one tiny corner of my life back in order.

And I am a screaming fool, again! I have tried deep breathing, and affirmations, and I have explained to him not to follow me and undo everything I did in the living room time and time again.  There is no “finding humor” in the situation.  I am five steps past “I” statements.  There … Continue reading

My College Student

I was just thinking back on the years of my son’s childhood. Of the countless times I curled up with my toddler, reading dinosaur encyclopedias again and again, when we would reach the last page and he would say “again, Mommy”. Of reading by flashlight under fabric tents we constructed across the living room. Of having dinner with my teenager at 11pm, 5 nights a week, so we could eat together when he returned from basketball practice or the gym. Of the history books I read as an adult to gain knowledge of a subject that I had avoided all of my life, so I could share in what he was learning. Of stepping off the edge to rappel down ropes, through tears and fear of heights, to share his sense of adventure. I was thinking back on all of the love, laughter, activities, and experiences that we shared together. Continue reading

A Genetic Tie — Does It Matter?

I was lying in bed this morning in the pre-dawn light, gazing at my son and thinking like a million women have thought before me, “Wow. I made that!” And then I remember that technically I didn’t. I didn’t contribute eggs or womb to the final product. But the final product is so much more than a complex collection of cells. He did not inherit those curls from me, but it is because of my care they hang soft and shiny in ringlets. He did not get that golden skin from me, but it is so golden and plump because of the care I give to his diet. And that’s the physical.

If I were not his mother would he still be obsessed with elephants? Would he laugh so much that in time that will effect the musculature of his face and therefore even how he looks. I have said … Continue reading