Family Month at Daycare

It’s family month at Norah’s daycare and we were asked for family pictures. They make little collages and write the names of family members by them (“Me & Mommy,” that sort of thing). I was so worried about Norah feeling like the odd girl out with our little Single Mother by Choice (SMC) family that I totally overcompensated. I brought in about 6 different pictures — including ones of Norah with me, with 2 different sets of grandparents (my parents are divorced and remarried), and I also included pictures of our dog. I told the teachers that I probably went overboard, and they should just pick a couple to use and give back the rest.

Well, I went in the next day and saw that they made Norah the biggest collage with the most photos and the most family members in it. There were several other kids whose mat just … Continue reading

Pledging to Support IVF

“Guarantee the right to IVF. Guarantee it Nationwide.” – President Joe Biden

In his recent State of the Union address on March 7th, President Biden delivered a strong statement of support for women’s rights and advancements in reproductive health, highlighting the importance of IVF research and funding. It is the first time in American History that IVF was mentioned in a formal presidential address. His acknowledgment and commitment to changing the lack of funding for female medical care and research was paramount, and by bringing this issue to the masses he has sent a powerful indication of his support for inclusivity and diverse family structures.

That very same week, a bill granting civil and criminal immunity for in vitro fertilization service providers and receivers was passed into law in Alabama. While the bill falls short of offering full protections for those seeking and providing IVF, it provides the necessary safeguards … Continue reading

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How to Announce You’re Pregnant via A Sperm Donor

I spent three years deciding whether or not to become a Mother on my own. During that time I worried a lot about how I would tell people that I had gotten knocked up by a sperm donor. The words stalled in my brain. I worried what people would think and what they might say. Worse still, I worried what my child might think of me.

Anyone who knows me would be surprised to hear this. I’m generally a person who doesn’t much care what other people think. It was so alien to me to be spending time on these thoughts. Normally I’d be a ‘do it now, worry later’ kind of gal. This was too big for that kind of impulsivity. I also work in a restaurant and as such have a lot of people that I’d have to explain a pregnancy to. That’s a lot of reactions to … Continue reading

Response to the Alabama Supreme Court Ruling

With many of our members thinking about or choosing the route of IVF, we understand the significant concerns following the recent Alabama Supreme Court decision that has categorized frozen embryos as ‘children’. We’ve seen these concerns discussed and expressed on our Forum.

Single Mothers by Choice stands in solidarity with statements that have been made by the American Society of Reproductive Medicine, many reproductive clinics, and the broader community that is advocating for reproductive rights and diverse family- building choices. We recognize the exclusionary precedent this decision could have for those who are choosing single motherhood and align ourselves with organizations that are working to safeguard reproductive choices and fertility services.

We’d like to share an educational resource from Fertility IQ that focuses on “special considerations for the those pursuing fertility treatments in the United States”, and an interview from the John Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health with an

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Why I Try Never To Say “Well That Was Dumb”

I had just finished a twelve hour overnight shift in the NICU where I worked as a nurse. I was riding the bus home in the early Saturday morning hours, bone tired. It was sunny, I think, and I was feeling regretful of my need to sleep before the next night’s shift, wishing I could be out in the land of the living, enjoying the beautiful weekend with my boyfriend instead of shut up in a dark room with a white noise machine.

I laid my phone down on the bus seat next to mine.  Just for a moment, I thought.

But when I got home a few minutes later, I realized my phone was gone.

Dammit.

That evening, at a pre-work dinner with my then boyfriend and now dear friend, I confided in him about my lost phone. Although I had a full time job in the NICU, I … Continue reading

Twisting the Tale

An alternative to the old (and outdated) ‘Once upon a time…’

I never had much interest in princesses, preferring jeans and sneakers to ball gowns and glass slippers even as a young girl. But that’s not to say that I didn’t grow up thinking someday I’d experience my own fairytale romance. When I reached 35 and was still single, though, I started to think that fantasy would never morph into my reality.

In the two years since, my ‘Once upon a time’ has taken some drastic turns. Tired of waiting for my prince to arrive and fed up with unsuccessfully scouring the suburban realms for him, I decided to skip the being-swept-off-my-feet stage, at least for now. Instead I chose to jump right to the chapter of the story entitled Motherhood. As any writer does, I made a few edits and a few errors. And life threw in some plot … Continue reading

It’s Just A Date

How pursuing my dream of having a child made dating more fun.

I had often assumed that some women, unlike me, were able to date lightheartedly. Unconcerned with a hoped-for long-term outcome, these women could treat a date as just a date. They found a way to relax and have a good time. These women, I further suspected, were free to be themselves with their dates and so were the ones finding the right partner.

As these musings might indicate, my single dating life was often riddled with worry. When dating a man, I was rarely fully present. My mind ran the back-story. I’d size him up, then rocket mentally into an imagined future. Is he the right fit for me, and I for him? Is he commitment-phobic? Am I? Are we wasting our time?

Of course, sometimes, there was true hope and love. But the stifling “what-ifs” commanded my … Continue reading

Thinking About Becoming An SMC?

At this time of year, SMC usually sees a pop in new members joining the SMC organization, perhaps due to New Year’s resolutions, or maybe just because it’s the start of a new year. And the biggest question for maybe-SMCs (who we call “Thinkers”) is often, “How can I do this? Or, “Can I do this?”

There’s no question that being an SMC is challenging, as well as incredibly wonderful. So I’ve compiled some good tips written by our members on our lively 24/7 online Forum to help answer those questions. For more good advice, join SMC and discuss your “thinking” questions with our members (either online or in person) who are in the same place and/or have been there.  To join, go to: singlemothersbychoice.org/membership 

When my budget would allow it, I hired a babysitter for 2 hours every Wednesday from 4-6 pm.  It really made a difference for me, Continue reading

A New Year

I gave up making New Year’s resolutions a long time ago. I always aimed too high and set myself up for failure. What’s more, I’m making resolutions all year ‘round, so there doesn’t seem to be much point in forcing myself to come up with new ones just because I’m hanging up a new calendar. (Oops, there’s a resolution: upload the new photo calendar to the Costco website before February!)

So, how did I spend New Year’s Eve? We were newly home from having spent Christmas in Phoenix with family, the girls were in bed, and I was enjoying a quiet, cozy evening with a book and a glass of wine. What once would have been considered a New Year’s Eve FAIL —sitting home alone— now felt like bliss.

And I remembered that, several years before I had my kids, I had improvised my own New Year’s Eve ritual. I … Continue reading

I Want To Believe

I was a huge fan of The X-Files in the 1990s, and one of the show’s catch phrases was “I want to believe.” I had no idea how that phrase would eventually come home to roost.

I really didn’t expect that my daughters would still believe in Santa Claus by the time they were in 3rd grade. I’d be surprised if all of their Christmas-observing friends still believe, and I find it unlikely that none of the non-believing, worldly-wise 3rd graders has spilled the beans. The right jolly old elf hasn’t come up much in conversation this year, and my hunch was that they had their doubts, but maybe weren’t ready to ask the question outright, for fear of having their suspicions confirmed.

When I imagined having kids I also imagined that bidding the Santa days good-bye would be accompanied by a feeling of loss. I’m all for fostering magical … Continue reading

“SMC has been a huge inspiration to me from the moment I became a member. I got to know many wonderful women who encouraged me to take the leap of faith and whose support over the years was just great. I treasure the life-long friendships that I have developed.”

– Rada Lankina