There are many things I miss about not having the amount of time and energy I used to have. I miss cooking a simple dinner that I would crave at that moment while listening to my favorite playlist and drinking a gin tonic, or a glass of wine or a vodka tonic or any alcoholic drink. No I don’t have a drinking problem; I currently have a booby problem. Yes I still breastfeed him, yes I choose not to drink alcohol while I’m breastfeeding but boy do I miss my occasional cocktail. I also miss a long nap after a good big meal. My naps are now usually the half an hour Marco sleeps without moving or waking up wanting to play. Please don’t get me started on the last time I watched a full movie with no interruptions, or something that was not animated (baby tv is on as … Continue reading
Category: All Posts
As a new parent, you try to prepare for everything by reading books, joining apps, searching blogs, and googling. But there is one thing no one can ever prepare you for and that’s the MOM GUILT!
The constant worrying about making mistakes, leaving your child, and trying to get everything right. It’s usually unnecessary, unhelpful, and makes an already difficult job much harder.
Mom guilt is so real and takes a major toll on your emotions and confidence. While some level of guilt is normal, beating yourself up over it, only makes things worse. So where does that unrealistic expectation or ideal of a perfect mom come from?
Some of the top causes of mom guilt surround breastfeeding, being a working mom, allowing too much screen time, losing your temper, not spending enough time with your kids, and having to ask for help. As an SMC, that is also compounded … Continue reading
When I first began my journey towards becoming a mother, a visit with an infertility counselor was mandatory. It was a mostly predictable conversation for me where I was asked what I would do to cope with parenthood, the stress of treatments, and the potential that the treatments might not work, but then the counselor asked me a question I was not expecting, “What do you think you will do if you succeed…A LOT…as in you become pregnant with twins (or more)”. My response was, “Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!”.
Truthfully, before cancer, chemo, surgeries and the impending 4th decade laid waste to my ovaries, I actually had a genetic predisposition towards twins. Growing up, my family would always say “You know, every third generation is twins and guess where you fall?”. I have two sets of second cousin twins and my grandfather was a twin. I don’t know if it is true or … Continue reading
So, here I am, working my way toward becoming a single mother by choice – reading books and articles, taking advantage of a great local SMC chapter, haunting the online SMC Forum for insights and information, surfing cryobank donor lists. I’m dotting all the “i”s and crossing all the “t”s, taking pre-natal vitamins, trying to eat better and get more sleep. I’m making lists and generally trying to stay in control of everything I can.
And I’m laughing. Because if there’s anything I’ve learned from my friends who are parents, my own parents and the kids in my family, it’s that being a good (and not insane) parent has a lot less to do with how in control you are and a lot more to do with how well you deal with all the things you can’t control. And, wow, is this process a test of those skills. I can … Continue reading
Recently, I dove back into the dating world. I don’t know why I decided now was the right time. While we’re past diapers, nursing, and the terrible twos around here, we’re also still dealing with occasional clinginess and nearly nightly co-sleeping, and have yet to have a non-family member babysitter. Not an ideal combo for wanting to go out in the world on a weekly basis.
Despite this, something pushed me to give the crazy world of online dating another go, and it might have been fate, because within a matter of days I connected with someone who is quickly becoming quite special to me. And it’s a good thing she feels the same, because dating a mom is no joke.
The biggest challenge is that, well, I’m a mom, and motherhood doesn’t come with an off switch. Being a mother means my kid will always take precedence. His schedule, … Continue reading
When my daughter (via donor insemination) was a baby I had little time or interest in dating. I was loving motherhood, but motherhood and working full time took all my energy. There were many times that I was grateful that I didn’t have to put any energy into a relationship because I didn’t think I could have managed.
When she got to be a toddler and I began to get out of the house occasionally without her I began to think about dating and had a profile up on Match.com. The first thing I noticed is that I got hardly any interest compared to the profile I had up before becoming an SMC. I was now 37-38 yrs old.
About that same time I had a few dates with a former HS classmate and we really liked each other but he lived long distance and was not interested in a … Continue reading
There came a time in my late-20s where I felt like my life was at a crossroad. I was stuck in a job I wasn’t crazy about with a non-existent social life and no change on the horizon. Something had to give, I just wasn’t sure what.
My first attempt at change landed me in the world of internet dating. Prior to this, I’d had a few almost-relationships, but nothing that every really got off the ground. I had several friends who had great luck on the internet, so I thought surely my Prince Charming was also only a few mouse clicks away. Boy, was I wrong! I was only attracting creeps, weirdos or men who didn’t want kids, didn’t want any more kids, or didn’t want kids anytime soon. I realized I wasn’t dating, I was interviewing potential fathers.
Forget dating – lets fix the job situation. I had … Continue reading
I was born to be a mom. I’m sure that anyone you ask who knows me well would completely agree. I was a mother’s helper when I was seven years old, and I got paid $.50/hour. I started babysitting regularly for a family with a three month old and a three year old when I was ten years old. (I look back and think that family was crazy for hiring me at such a young age, but in my defense, I was a mature ten year old.) My jobs growing up and my major in college were all kid related. At functions that kids and adults attended, I always found myself hanging out with the kids (even as an adult). I gravitate towards kids, and they gravitate towards me. My mom has referred to me as a Baby Whisperer. My friends have commented that I can somehow love anyone’s kids … Continue reading
I took Pink and Purple to see Ramona and Beezus at our local theater over the weekend. I didn’t expect to spend most of the movie in tears.
In the interest of full disclosure, I tend to cry at most kids’ movies. I don’t know why. I’m a notorious non-weeper in my personal life. Oh, I feel pain and sorrow, no doubt about it. It’s just that I internalize the negative emotions until they settle in the pit of my stomach like a pile of rusty razor blades, or clench them in my jaws like tetanus. But there’s something about movies that makes it ok for me to release all of that. I don’t know whether that’s particularly true of kids’ movies, or if it’s just that kids’ movies are all I seem to see anymore.
Ramona and Beezus was a little bit different, though. Setting aside the fact that … Continue reading
This feels weird. I don’t know you yet, I’m not even pregnant, but I want to meet you so badly.
In early September of 2019, a thought that I’d been having for years came bubbling right up and refused to be ignored any longer. That thought was whether to have a baby, even if I wasn’t married yet. It’s now a few months later and I’m sitting in my car as I write this. It’s raining. My answer is, yes, absolutely, unequivocally, yes. I’m 37, closer to 38. I can fall in love with a man anytime, but my window of opportunity to fall in love with you is rapidly closing.
This hasn’t been an easy decision. I’ve weighed some heavy things over the last several months. I love my own Dad so much; it pains me that I might not be able to give you one. I’m not sure … Continue reading