Single Mothers by Choice is celebrating its 35th anniversary this month!
We’re still going strong, with new members joining us every day. I’m delighted to see that we have not only survived, but thrived, and that we continue to provide the support and information that I hoped we could offer when I held our first meeting in my living room 35 years ago.
Thank you to all of our members who participate in their local chapter and on our online discussion forum. There’s so much sharing of wisdom and experience going on – it’s truly wonderful to see.… Continue reading
We can all name some truly Revolutionary People: Thomas Payne. Or some truly revolutionary acts: Rosa Parks taking a seat on a city bus. But there is some truly revolutionary living going on in the US today. And I don’t think all those who do it, do it intentionally.
My aunt who went to law school in the 1970s was one of about 20 women in her lawschool class. That she knew was mildly revolutionary. She was the first female president of the bar association of her state (when I was a freshman in college). That was a mildly revolutionary thing to do. She knew consciously that she was part of the continuing movement to women’s equality in career settings.
Today, there are African American, out of the closet LGBT persons and others who are still blazing trails in certain professions or career levels. However, I don’t think being both … Continue reading
I recently was asked to be the voice of the single mother who celebrates that role and finds the joy in it. I was asked to share things I have learned along the way that make it easier, the things that I do (or am discovering), to recharge my batteries, and allow me to find enjoyment, satisfaction and perseverance in this sometimes challenging job of Single Mom.
Shortly after that question was asked of me, when I was looking out at all this snow I had to shovel, on my own, I felt pumped up. Here was a challenge: how do I remove eighteen tons of snow from the neck of my driveway with a bum foot, and two sleeping children I don’t want freaked out if they wake and I’m not here? The story ends with two sleeping boys, a shoveled driveway, and me sitting with my bare feet … Continue reading
I recently got together with some folks, including a single mother by choice (SMC) who is a full-time mom and her delightful 14 month old son. She was clearly relishing being his mom, and he was equally clearly adoring her. When we got to chatting a bit, she confided to me that she was feeling a little bit guilty about how much she was enjoying being a mother. After all, she said, didn’t the women of earlier generations go through a lot in order for women to have the right to be liberated from being “just mothers”? Was it okay for her to WANT to spend her time being a mom? And to enjoy it so much?
Having been one of those women whose consciousness was raised in the tumultuous sixties, I pondered her question for a moment, and then remembered — it was all about CHOICE. We believed that … Continue reading
As a proud Single Mother by Choice (SMC) of amazing seven-year-old twin girls it’s sometimes hard for me to remember the feelings of fear and failure I had when I embarked on this journey. In fact, like most SMCs I meet, I am so happy with my kids, so clear that single parenting (though hard) comes with distinct benefits, that I sometimes wonder if the world has changed to the point where the feelings I had have become anachronistic. But I made a documentary on the topic, and women thinking about becoming SMCs sometimes contact me to ask questions or just to talk and when they do I see my embarrassment and terror all over again.
Obviously women calling for support are a select group. I know women who say they didn’t sweat the decision. But what I see when I get these calls are smart, capable, relatively financially stable … Continue reading
…..how I am destroying American civilization as we know it.
Anyone who knows me can tell you that I am not a girl known for being in vogue. I’m not the kind of woman who, when you pass me on the street, elicits words like ‘hip’ or ‘stylin.’ I’m not big on trends. I generally have no desire to be the first person to have the latest gizmo or gadget, preferring to wait til they work out all the kinks…and the price goes down. I often will not do something I was considering if it becomes trendy in the interim, like getting a tattoo. I rather consider myself the anti-trend.
I also consider myself an ‘armchair feminist.’ I believe in women’s rights. In equal pay for equal work. That women are still treated unfairly and in some cases detrimentally in many sectors of our society, and certainly around the world. … Continue reading