In November of 1999, my mother was artificially inseminated. Twenty years later to the exact date, I found my sperm donor.
On the evening of November 3, 2019, I was doing homework when my mother messaged me. She said I had a DNA match on ancestry.com with someone that wasn’t related to her. I was confused. Then I realized: this was a relative on my donor’s side. I went to ancestry.com and looked at the match. It was a woman’s name, so it couldn’t have been my donor. However, it was a lead. I looked up her name and found her place of residence, her age, and her children. She was from the east coast, in her 70s, and she has 3 sons and 1 daughter. Based on her age, I assumed that she was a grandmother or great aunt.
I went to Spokeo.com for general information. There I found … Continue reading
“You’re having a … boy!” I remember the moment I got this shocking news as if it were yesterday. The autumn sun blithely filtered through the patio window, as I sat at the edge of my bed and took the call from the genetic counselor. As soon as she said the words “boy,” my heart sank to the pit of my stomach and I almost fell of the bed. Thump.
That queasy, uneasy feeling stayed with me all during my pregnancy. It’s called gender disappointment and it’s real. At first though, I was really ashamed to admit it. After all, it had taken me ten tries to have this miracle! And it was a miracle indeed – after 2 failed IVFs, I had conceived… on a last unmedicated Hail Mary insemination. My baby was genetically normal and healthy! How dare I feel anything but unadulterated joy?!
Luckily, I was part … Continue reading
Profound Thoughts on Starting IVF #2
I have this feeling that my life is going to change. I think the start of every IVF brings this feeling. I remember it last time.
Which brings me to profound thoughts about happiness and change. For those of you who have never met me, or never knew me before I was trying to conceive (TTC), I’m generally a happy person. And even as a child, I was a “resilient” child. I have faced obstacles like other humans, but I bounce back faster. I’ve always felt lucky to be blessed with such a personality trait, especially as I have watched friends sometimes be dragged down for years after major events like breakups.
However, TTC for so long has made me face unhappiness and adversity for longer (and deeper) than ever before in my life. I hesitate to call it “unhappiness,” because it’s more like … Continue reading