Category Archives: parenthood

Seven Reasons to Have a Baby on Your Own

Open Source Family

infantThe day after my donor conceived son was born, Abby, my birth partner, who I called my birth maid, told me, she had had a conversation about marriage with my dad in the car on the way back to the houseboat from the hospital. She had asked him why parents are so obsessed with their children getting married. My dad had said that he suspected that it was really about passing along genes and ensuring that the family continued. Did he care whether I got married now that I had given him a grandchild? she asked.

“Absolutely not,” he said.

My mom stayed with us for the first month after I brought Alexander home, which was a complete blur. The main thing I remember is we got adopted by a seagull that would show up on my dock and literally knock on the door with his beak around the same … Continue reading

Serial Monogamy – A Memoir

One day in 1990, the title of a workshop caught my attention: Last Call for Motherhood:  Are you a woman over 35 that has always thought motherhood would be part of your life, but it has yet to come to pass? Are you willing to contemplate becoming a “single mother by choice” despite the potential disapproval of family and friends? If you would like to devote some time and emotional effort into answering these questions for yourself, join us on Saturday, May 15,1990 for an all day workshop. Bring a lunch and a notebook and a willingness to share your deepest thoughts.

I immediately signed up. It was just what I needed to help me figure out if, in fact, single motherhood was the right path for me.

In a small room I sat with five other anxious women as we silently awaited the arrival of the instructor. There … Continue reading

Open Source Family

DYI MomThe day after my donor conceived son was born, Abby, my birth partner, who I called my birth maid, told me, she had had a conversation about marriage with my dad in the car on the way back to the houseboat from the hospital. She had asked him why parents are so obsessed with their children getting married. My dad had said that he suspected that it was really about passing along genes and ensuring that the family continued. Did he care whether I got married now that I had given him a grandchild? she asked.

“Absolutely not,” he said.

My mom stayed with us for the first month after I brought Alexander home, which was a complete blur. The main thing I remember is we got adopted by a seagull that would show up on my dock and literally knock on the door with his beak around the same … Continue reading

Seasons of Community

CommunityA while ago I posted on the Single Mothers by Choice (SMC) private online Forum about “building community”. My post went something like this:

This is something I’ve been thinking about for awhile — how to build a “community” for my son and I. I have terrific support from my parents, who live in town. I have several close friends, but our kids are different ages, different schedules. We live in neighborhood with either very young (toddler) kids or older (middle school kids).        

I’ve left the church my son was baptized in (and I was confirmed in). It has become super conservative and not the place for us. Finding a spiritual home is top on my list, but my son is not so thrilled. The problem with selecting a spiritual home is that even then, I’m not sure how much of a community it’ll be for us as we live Continue reading