Category Archives: parenthood

Child of Mine: A Story of Embryo Donation

For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be a mom. I started babysitting when I was just 9 years old and continued to do so through college. I have always loved children and “borrowed” my friends’ children on a regular basis. When I was in my mid-20s, I would often say that if I got to be 35, wasn’t married, and had no prospects for marriage, I was going to go to a sperm bank and use a turkey baster. Fast forward 10 years: Me, at age 35, not married and not involved with anyone. And so my journey to a child began.

Fast forward another 2 years. I had moved back to my hometown so I could be near my family, bought a house, lost weight, and was on the brink of my first donor insemination. I was beyond excited!! The morning of my insemination, Continue reading

Life Lessons from Klickitat Street

I took Pink and Purple to see Ramona and Beezus at our local discount theater over the weekend. I didn’t expect to spend most of the movie in tears.

In the interest of full disclosure, I tend to cry at most kids’ movies. I don’t know why. I’m a notorious non-weeper in my personal life. Oh, I feel pain and sorrow, no doubt about it. It’s just that I internalize the negative emotions until they settle in the pit of my stomach like a pile of rusty razor blades, or clench them in my jaws like tetanus. But there’s something about movies that makes it ok for me to release all of that. I don’t know whether that’s particularly true of kids’ movies, or if it’s just that kids’ movies are all I seem to see anymore.

Ramona and Beezus was a little bit different, though. Setting aside the fact Continue reading

The Day That Changed Everything

So I had finally made the decision to start trying to get pregnant on my own.  I had found myself a Reproductive Embryologist, a handsome Italian doctor with full-sleeved tattoos on both biceps. I wrote the story in my head of how my doctor would inseminate me and then become my lover, my partner, my child’s father.  It definitely seemed like the rom-com I had been waiting to star in my whole life.

I was sitting at my desk at work, just a few days away from insemination, and all of a sudden, an invisible brick fell out of the sky and hit me on the head. I could almost see the pebbles of concrete rolling down the sides of my hair and the dusty clouds billowing up around me like in a cartoon. Blamo. No way, I thought. No f-ing way.

You can not do this, I thought. I … Continue reading

A Racecar Driver?

Go back with me to eight years ago. My boyfriend of a year-and-a-half and I had The Talk. I’d thought we were firmly on the same page about commitment and family. Problem was, there didn’t seem to be any movement toward that. I hadn’t even met his family. So I asked him about our future.

He looked panicked– not the reaction I was hoping for. He stalled for time, telling me, “can we talk about this later, baby? The game’s on.” Again, the banality of this scene made me want to kick myself. I couldn’t believe I had become this person.

As he kept one eye on the hockey, I told him that we were both 40, and I was ready for a real commitment and a baby. He adjusted his junk and half-turned to me, “Okay, I’m getting a handle on this,” he said. He told me that sure, … Continue reading

Will You Never Date Again if you Have a Child on Your Own?

Woman on tiptoes next to manWomen considering the path of single motherhood by choice often experience many fears. One fear is that they will never date again if they start a family without a partner. This fear is most commonly experienced by women who are romantically interested in men.

After all, societal narratives often steer men away from dating single mothers. What man would want to raise another man’s kid? If you listen to all the male “romance gurus” on YouTube who dish out advice (while seemingly never having had a meaningful relationship of their own), you could be forgiven for thinking that only an undesirable “simp” would date a single mom. A man so worthless — with so little self-esteem — that he would stoop to the level of considering his partner’s feelings and sacrificing a certain level of freedom, wild sex, and partying to be in a committed relationship. A man so pathetic … Continue reading

Some Pearls of Wisdom From A Neophyte Mom

Here is what I’ve learned in the first six months of mothering:

1. There are a million toys out there to buy babies, but your kid will probably just want to play with the box it came in. Or with the toy you fished out of the garbage.

2. Your baby will like the dumbest book on the shelf, and you will be forced to read it every night. Do not even try to get her to like classics such as “Eloise” or “Amos and Boris.” She just wants the stupid one about finding her bellybutton.

3. She will always pee on the changing table if you roll the dice and leave her undiapered for 15 seconds.

4. Babysitters who have been doing this for a long time know way more than you do about raising your kid. They are pros. Pick their brains and hope they don’t charge you … Continue reading

Why Your Family Doesn’t Want You to Have a Baby on Your Own

Becoming a single mother by choice goes against society’s script. When you announce that you are planning to start a family on your own, you might be disappointed by the response you receive.

Why don’t your friends and family want you to have a baby on your own? Can’t they see that having a child will be a wonderful and joyful addition to your life?

It’s a new concept to them

I still remember when I got my first tattoo as a teenager and my grandfather saw it. He was shocked, even horrified. In his generation a “good girl” would never dream of getting a tattoo. But you know what? He came around. He just needed a little time to adjust.

A similar pattern can occur when a woman tells members of previous generations that she is considering becoming a single mother by choice (SMC). SMCs are something that older … Continue reading

One Ticket There, Two Tickets Back

So this is the story of how I went to Florida and came back with a baby.

As you might know, in every state, in adoption, a birthmother has the right to change her mind for a set period of time known as the “revocation period”.  In New York, for instance, a birthmother has 30 days after she signs the papers to decide she wants to parent. It’s fair, I think, because it’s not the kind of decision you want to find yourself regretting if you have decided to make an adoption plan for your kid.

In Florida, there is no revocation period, which means that after the birth mom signs the papers she cannot change her mind. That’s awesome for an adoptive parent, and why a lot of people try to adopt in Florida.

The one thing is that the birth-mom can’t sign the papers until 72 hours after … Continue reading

A Fine Whine

Ugh, so, this is just unbearable. This waiting is terrible. How do any of us go through it?

I’ve been officially a waiting-to-adopt family for nine (or is it ten?) months. And before that, I did two-and-a-half years of infertility treatments. I woke up the other day and just thought to myself, “I just want to be a mom. So badly.”

I started this journey nearly four years ago. And I am still single and childless. I know, it sounds like I am being a total downer., I AM a total downer right now. Sorry, guys, really. But I just feel like it is NEVER going to happen for me.  My friend was waiting to adopt a dog and she is going to get it this weekend… so even that is happening. When is it going to be my day? I know I’m whining. Again, I am so sorry.

There … Continue reading

The Anvil

I’m putting this out there: why not consider that me becoming a mom IS going to happen, rather than always thinking it ISN’T going to happen?

They say that if you think positively, this attracts positivity. I’ve always felt this is nonsense.  I have always believed that if I think positively, then that is exactly the way for something bad to happen. You know how Wile E. Coyote is always running around trying to do things, and the Road Runner always seems to drop an anvil on his head? That’s how I view myself in the world– that an anvil is always about to drop and crush me.

Now that I say it out loud, it seems kind of sad.

Also, let’s analyze this critically. Wile E. Coyote always has dastardly intentions: to kill the Road Runner. So really, it makes sense in the Looney Tunes world that his evil … Continue reading