Fresh Air

A couple of days ago, I read a post on the Single Mothers by Choice (SMC) Forum that has helped me shift into a more positive and less fearful experience of early pregnancy. Someone posted the question: how do you deal with the anxiety at this stage? There were many helpful responses, and here’s the one that stated exactly what I needed to hear:

“I had two losses before conceiving my daughter. The first was a very early chemical pregnancy, and mostly reassured me that I could get pregnant. The second was very difficult for me. When I started trying again I was afraid to get a positive result  because I was afraid it would all end again. Any who, when I finally got that positive result, I had several people who were worried for me, and at that point I decided to let them keep worrying, but I was

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To Tell or Not to Tell?

I have recently gone on 4 dates with a guy. It’s probably the slowest relationship I’ve ever had — 4 dates in 2 1/2 months, not incredibly deep conversation, and we haven’t even kissed yet! But, he’s actually growing on me, and he’s a great guy. He’s 48, and has a 12-year-old son who he has full custody of. On his profile, it said “Maybe” for “Do you want kids?” Since there are only 3 options to choose from: Yes, No and Maybe… Maybe can mean a lot of things. Some men say that means “I’m not sure”. Some say it means “If my partner wants kids, I’m a yes. If not, I’m a no.” So, I knew at some point, I’d need to ask him what his “Maybe” means. This is also a particularly hot topic for me, because last year, I ended a relationship with someone who I … Continue reading

The Train is Leaving the Station


It’s 6 am on a Sunday, and I get up to do the obligatory pregnancy test thinking to myself, the sooner I get the bad news, the sooner I can bury myself in my bed for the day and wallow in the fact that my 7th time trying to get pregnant failed. Failed just like I failed to get my promotion, failed just like every dating relationship I have been in. Failed, failed, failed.

It didn’t work. I know it didn’t. I don’t feel any different; I have none of the symptoms that you read about on-line. Just Google “when did you have your first pregnancy symptoms” and all kinds of posts from annoying women come up saying things like, I knew 5 days after I ovulated. I had a twinge in my uterus, I had inexplicable burps, my breasts were incredibly sore” etc. etc. Here I was 14 days Continue reading

My Baby Shower

Sunday was my baby shower, a brunch at S’s house, thrown for me by two of my friends, S and J,

I was SO impressed!! They exceeded any expectations I may have had. And I honestly didn’t even know what to expect – I figured just brunch at S’s house. But the details… They had thought of everything!

The invitation was an online one on Punch.bowl, and was lavender and white with a picture of a baby carriage. So, the lavender and baby carriage themes were carried throughout the shower. They’d had a cake professionally made, in the same lavender and white with the baby carriage on it:

They somehow printed pictures of the same image on sticky paper and put them on the bottom of clear plastic plates.

A week or two before the shower, S emailed me asking for me to send her my favorite ultrasound picture. I … Continue reading

Mentoring Meeting

“I was just thinking last night, ‘I wonder what K will tell me tomorrow?'”

That was my mentor’s response. “What’s new?” asked my mentor. I reared back in my seat to reveal my bump. Her eyes were as big as saucers. I think she immediately knew what I meant, but she had to catch herself and asked, “Are you….?” I confirmed that I was indeed pregnant. She was so happy for me and announced, “Oh, I want to be Aunt L!” She confessed that she was always intrigued by what I would say each month when we met. But, boy, she never expected anything like this! It was nice to see that she was so supportive and offered her help if I needed anything. “Sometimes, you just need to tell people what you need and let them take care of it.” And subtly cautioned me on my ardent independence.

Of … Continue reading

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Baby Shower

I had my Baby Shower this past weekend.

It was a dream come true.

I’m not really down with traditional showers. For reasons I won’t get into here, because I will surely offend someone. (Please note: to my friends, especially those who journeyed to my shower… I will gladly attend your showers! With joy and love. Seriously. Please don’t not invite me because of this blog post!)

For me, I wanted something less present oriented and more… I wanted it to focus on the life transition I am making, and not on the stuff I will need for it. Because babies quickly outgrow rattles and cute onesies (and they are cute!) and teddy bears… but parenthood is forever.

Especially because of not having a wedding, I wanted something a bit ceremonial. Something to celebrate a life passage.

My shower was amazing because my sister created a Blessingway ceremony for … Continue reading

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Pregnancy Loneliness

Greetings from the other side of pregnancy! A post on our Single Mothers by Choice (SMC) online Forum today got me reminiscing about my pregnancy. I found being single and pregnant with twins one of the most difficult and lonely periods of my life. I had planned and budgeted for a singleton and kept my fingers crossed that I wouldn’t have a multiple pregnancy, but lucky me, I got a two-for-one discount from the sperm bank. I’m actually quite happy about it now, but it was not good news for me at first.

At the time I was definitely excited, but the feelings of excitement were so overwhelmed by intense fear, sadness, and guilt. I was so scared about being a single mom to two infants that if I thought about it for too long I would get the shakes and my eyes would well up. I would just take … Continue reading

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Having an Army of Support

When I began the Trying to Conceive (TTC) process in April 2009, I  joined Single Mothers by Choice (SMC).  As I lay here, 32 weeks pregnant with twins on bed rest, I didn’t consider how important a community of support would be before my babies arrived.

While I realize that many SMCs choose to be very private about their decision, I decided very early on to be very open with friends and family. I wanted and needed for people to cheer me on, to support me, and to be a part of my exciting journey. Fortunately, almost everyone “got on the bus” very quickly.

I got pregnant on my 5th cycle and was surprised to learn that I was pregnant with twins. I hoped for a smooth pregnancy but knew the risks. I don’t have family nearby. I live on the East Coast, and my family is in Michigan. At … Continue reading

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Birth Plan B

All that I could say while being lifted into the ambulance was “she can’t come now, she can’t come now.” The doors closed and I could think of nothing but the little girl inside of me. I was in premature labor at 28 weeks pregnant. When I arrived at the hospital the paramedics rushed me down the hallway. As I lay on my side on the gurney to ease the pain, the look of concern was reflected in the strange faces of people that lined the emergency room. I stopped briefly at a desk to receive a bracelet that simply said “Kim.”

A nurse and very young doctor were waiting in a room. As I answered their questions, more people and large machines arrived. They shouted at each other and to me. I was embarrassed. I apologized because I was not prepared. I told them that I was taking a Continue reading

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New Beginnings

Trigger Warning – this post is about the loss of a baby.

Despite my age (nearly 42), it never occurred to me that I wouldn’t become pregnant right away. I chose a doctor and a donor and by the beginning of April I was ready for my first attempt via intrauterine insemination. Two weeks later I learned I was pregnant, and I was elated! The few people I had told were astonished I got pregnant so quickly, but I didn’t understand why. I assumed I would be pregnant because I wanted to be. Isn’t that the way it works?

Still, I knew it wasn’t a done deal and to get excited too early would be foolish. I would play it safe and wait until the amnio results before telling anyone but my closest friends and relatives. And so I waited.

In the meantime I had one test after another. Genetic Continue reading

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“After I joined SMC, I learned so much! One of the best things was not feeling alone. So many had gone before me, and if they could do it, then so could I! My local group was a great source of support and becoming an SMC was the best decision I've ever made.”

– Joyce Gabbert