Category Archives: single mothers

The 10 Steps to Becoming a Single Mom by Choice

Sperm and eggThinking about having a baby on your own is only the beginning. Once you actually put your plan in action, expect a lengthy process. From my first consultation with my Reproductive Endocrinologist to completing my first round of IVF, it was about five months. Here are the 10 steps I went through, including, of course, joining Single Mothers by Choice .

1. Find a good Reproductive Endocrinologist

Fortunately, I already had one from egg freezing that I liked and trusted.

2. Schedule a consultation

This can be a long wait if you are not already a patient. So if you want to get more information, schedule this as soon as you can. Then make your list of questions, start thinking about a realistic timeline for yourself, and do your research ahead of time so you are familiar with fertility language.

3. Initial consultation

Your brain will be filled with terms

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How I Chose Single Motherhood: My Journey

Pregnancy test kitWith my 38th birthday quickly approaching, I was making the biggest decision of my life. Was my desire to be a mother so strong that I no longer want to wait for Mr. Right?

Once COVID hit, I noticed a change in the carefree single life I had lived in the city for so long. Pre-COVID, I had a group of friends who were also in their 30’s without kids or partners that I would spend my weekends going out with. We would gather for weekly brunches and share mimosas and dating stories that would make us either cringe or hopeful that love was still out there.

Pandemic life quickly changed that though, and I was 37 at the end of summer when I was still single and my friends had all moved on. Whether they moved in with their quarantine boyfriends, got married, or relocated to the suburbs, I … Continue reading

Happy Holidays and All Good WIshes for the New Year!

 

Happy New Year!

The SMC blog is on vacation, and will return next week. Thanks to all of our  SMC members who contributed their posts to this blog, and to our readers for your interest and comments. We’ll see you next week!

 … Continue reading

First Christmas

My little one is now 4 months old and the light of my life. He has been such an easy baby. Except for when he was born, I didn’t hear him cry until he was about 5 weeks old (because he was hungry in his car seat. Easy fix.) He has been a good sleeper from the get go. I have never been sleep deprived. I had terrible insomnia during the TTC process and while pregnant. The second he was born I felt a weight lift off of me. The stress dissolved and I could finally relax, as it was all over. Maybe he picked up on this because he is a chilled out little guy.

I had no idea that infants have a personality. I had always said that I’d be happy to be handed a six month old and go from there.. How wrong I was! This kid … Continue reading

All We Have to Fear is Fear Itself?

Mom and baby girlWhen I was originally thinking about becoming a mother on my own, I thought it was going to be monstrously hard. I thought I’d have no friends, and be incredibly tired all the time and be barely functioning.

And while it is hard, it doesn’t look quite like that. People come to visit all the time. The baby sleeps almost through the night, and I have affordable help at night twice a week so I can catch up on sleep. She’s apparently a really easy baby, so that helps. I sleep-trained her two nights ago, and it only took about 15 minutes.  I just put her down for a nap a few minutes ago and she didn’t fight it or cry at all.

She’s just super cute and enjoyable and while it is hard work, most of the time it’s kind of a quiet grind. There’s a lot to do, … Continue reading

First Year as an SMC: My Expectations and Realities

mommy n babyI can’t believe Claudette is 10 months and I’m planning her first birthday. Been working on her baby book and I’m already struggling to remember some stuff about the first few months! Seems so long ago in some ways…but also just like yesterday. As my first year of motherhood comes to a close, I’ve been thinking about what it’s been like – what turned out like I expected and what was different. Wondering how it’s been for other moms who are now coming to the end of their first year.

1. I did not expect to have sleep deprivation for this long – that she still would not be sleeping through the night at 10 mos. No one ever says this. All I ever heard was how most babies sleep through the night at 3-4 mos. Liars! LOL The sleep deprivation has been brutal.

2. Did not expect the physical … Continue reading

How to Choose a Sperm Donor and Fertility Treatment Option

Single motherhood by choice provides a powerful option for family building. The ability to choose motherhood on your own terms gives you full autonomy over your reproduction and family building plans. When planning for single motherhood, there are a few key decisions that are critical to finding the right treatment path for you. Choosing a sperm source is a very personal decision that can look different for each patient. There are, however, medical implications that need to be considered when choosing your donor sperm and your providers are here to help guide you through this process. Another key decision is how to best utilize the donor sperm to achieve pregnancy. This journey will be different for everyone and it is important to find a team that makes you feel comfortable, empowered, and gives you the best chance for a healthy baby.

The choice for sperm donor is a very personal … Continue reading

Doing It Alone

Looking back, I’ve never really minded the times in my life when I was alone. While I spent a lot of time in long term relationships, unlike many of my close friends, I also liked the times I was single. I enjoyed having space and freedom to come and go as I pleased, never feeling obligated to check in with someone or navigate the give and take of shared decision making.  I suppose that was one of the reasons that led me to becoming a single mother by choice.

My daughter turned one in April of 2020, about six weeks into the pandemic, right about the time I felt I was getting the hang of motherhood. I recall person after person commenting that they couldn’t imagine having a toddler during the pandemic. What they didn’t say, but I felt, was that they couldn’t imagine having a toddler during the pandemic … Continue reading

Grateful For The Strangest Things

This is the season to think about all we are grateful for.  Of course, I am grateful for the kids, having a roof over our heads, our good health, having a career, our pets—all the basics.  *Yawn*

But there are some things I am grateful for that fall outside of the usual realm of gratitude lists.  I would like to share those here:

Most days I can still run faster than my four year old.  That is good because occasionally he still decides to explore “over there” and goes for it at top speed, ears “off”.

I am strangely proud that my son is smart enough to be manipulative.  Talking in his version of his sister’s high pitched voice, telling me that she wants ice cream…and, well, okay, he would take a little, too.

I am continually impressed with the heights my daughter ascends to and that she is strong

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