Category Archives: single women

Vacation?

woman with trailerI am a single mother of 4 (almost 5) year old boy girl twins.  My mother is 71 and she lives with us in the summer and in Arizona for the winter.  My mother thinks that kids today have too many organized activities and need to spend more time with nothing to do.  To further this theory, my mother bought us a 16 foot house trailer (the kind you pull behind a car).   So, we just got back from our first camping trip.  We left on Saturday and got home on Wednesday.

The back story is that when we went to pick up the trailer from the guy who sold it to us he spent about 2 hours explaining to me how to work everything.  He told me that once I was familiar with everything the set up would take about 1.5 hrs.  I took copious notes and promptly came … Continue reading

On Motherhood and Mother’s Day

IMG_0576Sitting here in the hospital room, as my newly adopted daughter recovers from her first of what will be several open heart surgeries, I have almost forgotten that this Sunday is Mother’s Day. In the past, Mother’s Day had always been a painful reminder of what I wasn’t yet — a mom. On Facebook, friends would post about spending Mother’s Day with their kids and I tried to focus on the fact that I was lucky I still have a mom at my age, when so many of my friends have already lost theirs. But it was hard.

So you’d think that this Mother’s Day would be foremost in my mind—my first Mother’s Day!!! But it honestly hasn’t been—I’m too busy being a mom and trying to comprehend and digest what I’ve gotten myself into. And I’m tired. So damn tired. I didn’t know a person could be this tired … Continue reading

Me, My Mother, and My Children

I called my mother last night. Something I generally do a few times a week, but have done less often in the last month or two. I just don’t feel like talking once I get the kids to bed. But I called her.

My mother was a good mom. I never ever ever doubted her love for me. Even when she told me, in so many words, that “she didn’t really like me right now”. As the oldest of 3, I think I carried a lot of responsibility. Some of it placed on me (mommy’s little helper, type things), and some of it just my internalization of my role in the family. My parents were somewhat free-range, pretty normal for the 70s. I had no actual needs that went unmet, but there also wasn’t lots of extra money, until I was in the middle of high school.

But my mom … Continue reading

Child of Mine: A Story of Embryo Donation

For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be a mom. I started babysitting when I was just 9 years old and continued to do so through college. I have always loved children and “borrowed” my friends’ children on a regular basis. When I was in my mid-20s, I would often say that if I got to be 35, wasn’t married, and had no prospects for marriage, I was going to go to a sperm bank and use a turkey baster. Fast forward 10 years: Me, at age 35, not married and not involved with anyone. And so my journey to a child began.

Fast forward another 2 years. I had moved back to my hometown so I could be near my family, bought a house, lost weight, and was on the brink of my first donor insemination. I was beyond excited!! The morning of my insemination, Continue reading

Do I or Don’t I???

With the help of the members of SMC, I have just recently made my decision not to become an SMC. I should also preface this by saying that I came to this quandary late. I am 46.

Letting go of the dream of having a traditional family, i.e. a husband and kids, is a very big deal for most women. That’s probably one of the first steps in deciding to become an SMC. And that’s a rough one. I always had this assumption that it would happen, so it was hard to face the fact that it might not just “happen.” What if it doesn’t? How could it not? How long do I wait?

All kinds of people meet their mates and start families. My confidence about myself as an attractive, smart and lovable woman is a bit tangled up in that dream. I never wanted to visit the possibility … Continue reading

Who You Talking To?

Every time someone calls me “Mom” I look behind me, like, “are you speaking to me?”

I mean, I diaper, feed and cuddle my girl all day long, but I still can’t wrap my head around being a mom officially. I saw a documentary called “First Comes Love” about a single woman having a kid, and I remember she had been told that the “mom part” of her would emerge slowly. I totally get that.

I’m keeping my daughter (even saying that is so weird!) off of social media for now, but she’s super, super cute. Like, I walk down the street with her and people stop me to tell me she is beautiful. I say thank you, even though I can’t take credit for her creation.

I feel like I should call her Ms. Tittsina on here for privacy’s sake.

Tonight I have a night sitter– she … Continue reading

Moments of Doubt

emotional womanI’m starting to doubt if I can really handle becoming a single mom. The universe has thrown some tests at me the last few weeks. One of my friends is having a really hard time with her newborn where she isn’t getting any sleep even though she has a supportive partner, I’ve been invited on my dream trip to Greece this summer which I want to go but I don’t know how I will feel if I am pregnant, and I recently went on a few dates that reminded me about the way I always envisioned having a family. In short – the life I will be giving up is being thrown at me. I won’t have my relaxing evenings binging bravo shows, getting 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep, trips exploring new parts of the world won’t exist for a long time, and will I really be able to invest … Continue reading

Pathways to Becoming an SMC

If you’re considering becoming an SMC, it’s time to explore all of the different pathways to building a family without a partner 

TYPES OF DONORS

KNOWN DONOR

A known donor is a person that the woman knows and chooses to donate sperm. This option is much cheaper than a donor from a sperm bank since the sperm does not need to be purchased. However, there can be many legal risks with this option (I suggest watching “Nuclear Family” on HBO if you are considering this route).

UNKNOWN DONOR

This is your typical sperm bank route. Sperm donors can’t claim legal rights to the children born through donation so you don’t have to worry about custody issues in the future. You also get a ton of information regarding the donor’s physical traits, medical history, career, etc. Honestly, it’s more information than you would probably k know about a partner!

EGG DONOR… Continue reading

Goodnight Moon

HiResIt’s been a tough week. Two huge projects at work have left me stressed out and exhausted. And it’s my son’s first week back to school as a newly minted first grader. He seems to be doing ok, but it’s a major adjustment nonetheless, for both of us.

Our rituals soothe us, particularly at night after a long day. And for even more comfort, we’ve retreated into the past. This week’s bedtime selections have been our old standbys, the board books I started reading to my son when he was an infant, the ones I still know by heart. A Color of His Own, The Runaway Bunny, Are You My Mother?, and tonight, Goodnight Moon. Although my son can read these books to me now, we both still enjoy it when I read aloud to him, it’s part of the ritual.

We snuggle in together in his bed, me carefully … Continue reading

Egg Freezing and IVF for the Single Woman

I’m about to start my 4th egg retrieval cycle, and my 2nd full round of IVF. I’ve put together some tips I’ve learned along the way, especially for those of you who are starting this journey solo! Good luck!

3 months before: Start your supplement regimen

It takes 3 months for any supplements to truly work on your egg quality. It can be hard to wait that long when time is of the essence, so if you are even considering egg freezing, start popping those pills (with your doctors approval). After reading It Starts with the Egg and various other websites, I take the following supplements daily to prepare for my cycle:

Prenatal – contains many of the substances that can enhance and protect your eggs during maturation

Coq-10 with ubiquinol – powerful antioxidant that improves egg quality and quantity has been shown to increase fertility, particularly for women over … Continue reading