Category Archives: Uncategorized

Choosing Your Sperm Donor as an SMC

Michele Ottey - Fairfax CryoThis post was sponsored by Fairfax Cryobank

When someone is ready to start their family using donor sperm, they have many choices ahead of them.  It can be a fun, exciting, and empowering process to navigate. Choosing a sperm donor is incredibly personal and there is no one right way to get started.  When selecting a sperm donor, one is choosing fifty percent of the genetic contribution to their child, therefore my first recommendation is to work with a dependable Cryobank. With Fairfax Cryobank, the trusted source for donor sperm since 1986, our recipients can be confident that they will be choosing from the best tested donors and will be receiving the highest quality donor sperm. Knowing that, they can move on to finding the donor that meets their needs. 

When asked how to choose a sperm donor, I recommend asking yourself, “what do I admire and value in the … Continue reading

Images of moms and kidsOur 40th Anniversary Celebration Event was this past weekend! If you purchased a registration, you will be receiving an email in November with a link to the recording.

If you had wanted to attend the 40th Anniversary Celebration but did not register, you can pre-order recordings of the event here: https://www.singlemothersbychoice.org/community/smcs-40th-anniversary-celebration/

 … Continue reading

SMC 40th Anniversary Celebration Oct. 16 and 17

Images of moms and kidsRegistration for this event is closed. You can pre-order the video of the event panels and speakers here

Panels and speakers included “Grown Children of SMCs: What was it Like?”, “Fertility 101”, “Donor Families”, “The Daddy Questions”, “Choosing a Donor”,  “Dating and Relationships”, “A Day in the Life”, Paths to SMC-hood” and more!… Continue reading

Coming Back

What a time.  At the end of 2020 I arranged for childcare for my first New Year’s Eve “out” at a Masquerade Ball with a friend. When that fell through at the eleventh hour, I desperately scrambled for a back up…miraculously begging and bribing my way to childcare that night.

We rang in 2020 in decorative masks.

Masks.

Who knew 2020 would bring so many more masks?

Masks on the outside and masks on the inside as I tried to fight the immeasurable sadness our beloved cat’s death wrought inside me. It has left me raw and broken, and with my two young children dependent on me during a pandemic.

How do I share amusing anecdotes under these circumstances?

And, now, my little girl has just started kindergarten and seems so much older than a mere two months ago. My son is a confident second grader. And, they are back … Continue reading

First Christmas

My little one is now 4 months old and the light of my life. He has been such an easy baby.  Other than when he was born, I didn’t hear him cry until he was about 5 weeks old (because he was hungry in his car seat. Easy fix.) He has been a good sleeper from the get go. I have never been sleep deprived. I had terrible insomnia during the TTC process and whilst pregnant. The second he was born I felt a weight lift off of me. The stress dissolved and I could finally relax as it was all over. Maybe he picked up on this because he is a chilled out little guy.

I had no idea that infants have a personality. I had always said that I’d be happy to be handed a six month old and go from there… How wrong I was! This kid … Continue reading

Deciding to Become a Single Mother by Choice – Part 2

Woman holding pregnancy testI restrained my normally enthusiastic nature and committed to waiting until the following February to actually start conceiving a baby. Just to make sure I wasn’t rushing this decision.

While I waited, I started seeing a therapist to “clear the decks,” mentally, and make sure I was in the best possible emotional state for making this decision. And I started charting my fertility cycle each day.

A few months later, I visited a fertility doctor. I was concerned about how I might feel about going to a fertility doctor, and was relieved to find that I felt nothing but joyous excitement at beginning the process.

My doctor diagnosed me with PCOS, a common hormonal imbalance that was preventing me from ovulating, and started me on medication to try to regulate my hormones. That February I tried to get pregnant at home with donor sperm. I was so sure it was … Continue reading

Deciding to Become a Single Mother by Choice – Part 1

Woman holding pregnancy testI was thirty-five years old.

My boyfriend, Tom, and I had been dating a few months and always had a great time together, cooking, walking and laughing. We tried a different Brooklyn pizzeria every week, and made the best grilled cheese sandwiches and sweet potato fries together. But during our camping trip with his friends, something felt off. I had an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach.

The day after we returned, Tom asked to talk to me. “I don’t know how to tell you this.” “What?” Uh-oh. The uneasy feeling in my stomach deepened to dread and then panic. “I think you are great. But I need to end this.”

“What???”

“I can’t really explain it. There’s nothing wrong with you. Everything is great with you. But I just can’t do this.” “I don’t understand, ” I answered angrily. “I don’t really understand it either. But I … Continue reading

On Turning Three

3 yr. old boy with toy dinosaursTo my little man on turning three,

The first letter like this I wrote to you as you turned one. You were teetering into toddlerhood but still firmly my baby. You were learning new things each day but still needed me for just about everything. I had grown to love you more than I had ever expected, but some days it was exhausting. Some days I wanted to speed up time to when you were just a little more independent. A little less baby and a little more boy.

Flash forward two years, and I do mean flash, and you stand on the brink of boyhood. You still need your momma for a lot, but every month, every day, you learn to do one more thing without my assistance. You defiantly declare, “I do it on my own!” if I butt in where you feel I’m not needed. And while … Continue reading

May 19, 1992

Murphy Brown On May 19, 1992: Vice President Dan Quayle ignited a cultural firestorm when he criticized the tv sitcom character Murphy Brown for “mocking the importance of fathers by bearing a child alone and calling it just another lifestyle choice.” And indeed, it has become just another lifestyle choice!

Thinking about becoming a Single Mother by Choice? Already a Single Mothers by Choice?  Join Single Mothers by Choice (SMC) for great support and information.

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Message from SMC

SMC LogoAs we are all going through these very worrisome times, I wanted to let you know that although our office is closed, we are working remotely during normal Mon-Fri work hours. We can provide much-needed support and information, especially now. While our face-to-face meetings, may be disrupted by the COVID19 restrictions, our online Members Forum is going strong and is providing truly wonderful support for our members. There are threads on the virus itself, as well as ways of coping with it, and even some Covid humor, as well as the usual threads on parenting, dating, thinking, and trying to conceive, just to highlight a few topics. Our website has been updated to be mobile-friendly for both tablets and phones, as well as on a desktop browser. Do join us if you are thinking of becoming, or are, a single mother by choice!