Becoming a  stay-at-home SMC
by Adrienne Sierra

I jumped in feet first and never looked  back (at least not much). Oh, what an incredible ride it’s been! As if the decision to become an SMC wasn’t hard enough. Try giving up a career you worked 13 years for (even after landing a prestigious position at 6 months pregnant) to become a stay-at-home (SAH) SMC!!! This is what I did almost two years ago, and then a recession hit. Uh-oh! Now what did I do?

Believe me, I know that being a SAH-SMC is, to many, an enviable position and one I am thankful for every day. Every morning when my son and I snuggle in bed and read books while everyone else is rushing off to work, I say a small prayer of thanks. Thanks for my beautiful, healthy baby and thanks for the time I get to spend with him. And then I get tears in my eyes when I remember what made this all possible—my dad’s death. This journey is bittersweet because if my dad had lived, I would never have met my wonderful son.

My dad found out he had terminal cancer, and he accepted it. When he told us he was dying, he said, “I have loved my life and have lived a life without regret.” His words hit home, and I began to look at my own life. I had friends, a career that was fairly all consuming, and… not…much…more. Could I say I loved my life? No. It was fine but boring, predictable, safe. Life went on, and I enjoyed what time I had left with my dad. He maintained an upbeat, positive attitude as he traveled the world between chemo treatments. When he died, we had a memorial service, a party really. It was a huge reunion of people sharing wild stories of my dad’s college days and tales of long-time friendship.

TIME TO DECIDE

I had always thought in the back of my mind that I might someday become an SMC if I never got married, if my life didn’t turn out the way I thought I wanted by the time I was (ah the magical age, we all have one) 35 (I was almost 33 when my dad died). If, if, if… Being an SMC was always seen as a last resort, an alternative, a consolation prize, if you will (congratulations—you couldn’t find a man but you can still have a baby!!). Suddenly, having a baby, building my own family on my own terms, became much more about living a life worth living than about “settling.” It was about living a life without regret, about daring to build the life I dreamed of, even at the risk of losing the perfectly fine life I had spent years building. It was about sharing my life with someone else.

The one thing that had always held me back when I considered becoming an SMC was the thought of having a baby and then going right back to work. I know that many people, single and married, have babies and go back to work every day. For me, though, when I pictured myself as a mom, my dream entailed staying home. It included Mommy and Me classes and making gourmet dinners, having a beautifully clean home, working out every day, and meticulously documenting my child’s life in beautiful scrapbooks.

Enter Mom. My mom. A few months after my dad died, my mom and I went to Italy. She told me that she thought she would give my brother and I our inheritance now and then she would travel, spend the rest, and go to the grave with nothing in the bank (maybe she too realized she wanted to live a life she loved). I chewed on this for a few days and then asked her what she thought of my getting pregnant and using the money to stay home for a year or so. My mom jumped on the idea and gave me her full support.

The rest should be easy. HA! Not so much. I get pregnant, make sure I’m only having one baby, go through an uneventful pregnancy and a somewhat eventful birth. Now I have a baby, money, and a fairy tale future. Right?

Well, I have the baby of my dreams, a beautiful baby boy, looking at me and expecting me to teach him the ways of the world and I realize I know nothing. Plus, I’m starting to freak out a bit. Being a single parent is scary, but can I really give up a high level position in a secure job? It felt irresponsible. And I have ALWAYS been a responsible person. But in thinking of living a life without regret, I realized I had to do this fully, to commit to the entire dream. So I quit my job and embarked on a journey of motherhood, stay at home motherhood, single stay at home motherhood…

FINDING MY PATH

The first few months went by without a hitch. I had a fellow SMC who was also on maternity leave. We would go on long walks and to the Monday Morning Mommy Movies and just hang out with our shiny new babies. Then she went back to work and I was on my own, left to find myself and a life for my son and me.

I had a list of community activities that I was going to partake in—breastfeeding support groups, new mom support groups, motherbaby yoga—you name it. I was also going to clean out all my closets, scrapbook daily, make my own baby food. Six months later, I had done nothing! All my focus was on feeding and clothing and nurturing this baby and, of course, on getting sleep!

One day, I got a brochure from my local community college , and I found it offered parent education classes. I signed up for an infant class and attended that month’s New Parent Support Group offered through my local hospital.

Being an SAH-SMC can be isolating but comforting. I’d sit in these classes and support groups and listen to the other mothers complaining about their husbands not pitching in or about their in-laws interfering and I’d secretly smile to myself—these issues weren’t mine. But then I couldn’t join in on the conversation. I’d listen to them talk about not having any time to themselves because their husbands wanted all their time after the baby went to sleep and I’d smile to myself. I had the entire evening to myself once my son went to sleep. Then I’d feel a little lonely, because I also had no one to snuggle with at the end of the day and talk about all the cool things the baby did. I didn’t have a house like many of them or an income. I loved my life though, and found that I had so much in common with these women because we all had kids the same age. These women were wonderful confidantes and kept me from feeling lonely and isolated, but they also weren’t like me. I couldn’t call them on the weekends because that was family time; the time they spent with their husbands. I was different to them as well, seen as an anomaly. These women looked at me with a sense of awe and frequently told me they could never do it alone. I, on the other hand, could never do it the way I had if I had been married.

I was also somewhat isolated among my SMC friends, all of whom were working. They were busy during the day and spending precious time with their children after work and on weekends. There was little time for socializing and I felt uncomfortable talking about my life (or, more specifically, about being perceived as complaining about my life) when I knew I was in a position that many would kill for.

One person who has helped to bridge this gap is my mom. We’ve become closer than ever since I had my son. She is the closest thing my son has to a second parent and is a partner to me while maintaining her place as the grandmother. She listens to all my tales about how cute my son is and never tires of stories of all the funny things he does. She also gives me much needed respite.

Although she lives about three hours from us, she and I both are committed to her relationship with my son and try to see each other about every two weeks. My mom is a wonderful sounding board and only offers advice when asked. She is supportive of me emotionally, physically, and financially. Most amazingly, she gave up some of her inheritance to make my dreams come true. I had no idea how important she would be in this process and in my journey. I will be eternally thankful to her.

As a SAH-SMC with no income, it is difficult to watch your bank account dwindle and know that there is no money coming in. Each purchase that’s not absolutely necessary inspires feelings of guilt and sometimes regret. However, I’ve never been good at budgeting and I want to be able to have fun with my son without worrying every time I spend money. I’ve made some changes from my “former” life; I now shop for clothes at Target, and I eat out much less. I usually pack a lunch wherever we go. My son loves to have picnics and there’s always a bench or a shady spot on the grass to have lunch. I’ve also found classes that I can take with my son that are inexpensive (under $30) or even free. We attend library story time, visit the pet shop, throw pennies in fountains, feed the ducks, go to local parks, and play with the train table at our local bookstore. I also have season passes to a few local attractions in my area so that outings are “free” when we choose to go.

I am a SAH-SMC. I am solely responsible for everything my son learns and experiences, I am solely responsible for making sure I can pay the bills and the COBRA insurance (which is almost as much as my mortgage payment!). I have been present for all of my son’s milestones—his first words, first steps, first everythings. I’ve also been present for every temper tantrum, leaky poop, bump, and fall. Every day is wonderful and—the same. It’s the best job I’ve ever had—and the hardest. And there are no days off! And just when I’m about to give up, my son smiles his first smile, says “Mama” for the first time, or wraps his arms around my neck in a genuine hug and I know this is the only job for me. For the first time I can truly say, I LOVE MY LIFE!! Now if the money would just hold out…

My son is now 22 months old. I’ve been home with him since he was born. I know that this is far more time than many people have with their children and it’s more than I ever thought I would have. However, it’s not enough. I would love to stay home forever, to never have to go back to work, but that’s just not reality. The money is running out and there is nothing coming in. I look for jobs on a daily basis, and I’m dismayed at the lack of opportunities and the salaries that won’t cover the bills. My stomach turns every time I check out a daycare for my son, and I have nightmares whenever I think about returning to work. I’ve looked into every work from home scheme, have thought about taking money out of my home equity, cashed in all my investments, and have even tried making and selling homemade baby blankets for income. Bottom line: I’ll be going back to work way too soon and writing a new chapter in my life…

How one SMC tackled what could be a touchy topic.
by Sarah

Deciding when and how to tell our family, friends, coworkers, and acquaintances about our hoped-for or soon-to-be-arriving child is one of the bigger challenges an SMC faces. And there is no one right way to do it. The fact is, being an SMC is a new and sometimes scary concept for many people. And what someone accepts or even applauds in the abstract may be shocking or cause disapproval when it happens to a family member or friend. I told my sister that I was thinking about becoming an SMC years before I actually made the decision to move forward. She was worried for me but supportive. However, I didn’t tell my parents until I was pregnant and just out of my first trimester. My thinking was that even if they were upset or opposed to me being an SMC, once the bun was in the oven there wouldn’t be any point in trying to talk me out of it. And I didn’t want those potentially negative vibes interfering with my attempts to conceive. I turned out to be right about my parents. They were a little shocked and definitely worried for me, but they were both thrilled about a new grandchild and my mother was over the moon that she would finally have a granddaughter! (I have two wonderful nephews.) Once I had told them, I decided to write an email to my friends and relatives, to tell them all at the same time about my news. (And for the few who didn’t have email, I knew that someone would call them with the story within an hour of my sending the email out!) What I wanted to convey in my email was my great joy in my pregnancy, my complete openness about my choice to use an identity release donor, and my willingness to acknowledge the main concerns many of them probably had about my choice. I braced myself for some negative replies after sending it, but the response I got was 100 percent positive. I got so many wonderful notes back, especially from aunts, uncles, and cousins. I’ve shared this email on the SMC boards several times; anyone reading this is welcome to shamelessly plagiarize.

Hey Everyone,

I’m writing to let you all know some big news: I’m about 3.5 months pregnant!!! I am hugely excited about this, and in spite of being single, this was not accidental. After turning 38 in June, I decided that if I wanted to fulfill my lifelong dream to be a mom, I was going to have to take matters into my own hands. I selected an anonymous donor from a sperm bank in Virginia and artificially inseminated in July. Although the success rates of this procedure aren’t that high (they suggest you will have to do it 5 to 6 times before it “takes”), apparently I inherited the Fertile Myrtle genes on both sides of my family, because I got pregnant on the first attempt. 🙂

Regarding the baby: I am due in mid-April, and thus just started my second trimester. I also had an early chromosome test, which confirmed that all is well, and also determined that I am having a little girl!!

Regarding the donor: you would be amazed at how much information is available now for sperm donors. The most important fact (to me) is is an “ID Release” donor. That means when my daughter turns 18, he has agreed that she can be given his name and the option to contact him. I also have photos of him as a child and as an adult, a ton of medical and personal info (hobbies, education, siblings, etc), as well as an audio CD interview. He is an accountant in his mid-30s, blond and blue-eyed (quite cute actually), and lives in the upper Midwest I think. I really liked his audio CD. He sounds like a kind, funny, thoughtful, and fairly mellow guy. I figured since I was getting to choose anyway, I would pick someone whose mellow genes might balance out my own Type A tendencies. 🙂

I am sure this is very surprising news for everyone, or almost everyone. There are many 30-something women taking this journey with me these days, and there is a lot in the news about us, but I may be the first SMC (Single Mother by Choice) that you personally know. I can tell you that it was a long time coming, this decision, and it certainly comes with risks, but so do all of the other options (marriage then kids, not having kids at all, etc.) This was the choice I was most comfortable with. I have a good job, I’m a grownup, and I know I’m bringing my baby into a large circle of loving family and friends, here in California and around the country and the world.

I will keep you posted as things progress!!

Love, Sarah

by Wendy Timmons

“In Her Own Sweet Time” ($24.95; Basic Books, www.inherownsweettime.com) couldn’t have come at a better time for those of us who are struggling with commitment, work, and the desire to become a mother while acknowledging that our fertility is finite. Rachel Lehmann-Haupt’s book takes the reader on a thoughtful and touching journey as she confronts her ticking biological clock and explores the field of fertility technology. The author provides a very candid account of her ups and downs as she strives to balance her search for a committed relationship with her ongoing research process. This book achieves something extraordinary in that it is relatable, engaging, and fun while at the same time offering well-researched information about the many options that technology now provides to women today who want to “have it all.” As a 33-year-old who has just begun to explore the possibilities of becoming an SMC, I enjoyed this book on many levels. It reminded me to make sure to ask myself “what’s getting in the way of having a relationship now” and to further explore my motivations for choosing to become an SMC. Knowing that the author took time to travel while researching the latest in reproductive technologies reassured me that, in the midst of tough and emotionally exhausting decisions, there is something to be said and perspective to be gained  from taking time out to “just be.” Finally, the interviews throughout the book bring to life what I found to be a key theme in this book that there is no one right path or perfect situation and that happiness does always necessarily follow the order of A, B, C, D.

Recently a reader asked what strategies others have used for helping a child deal with the losses that come with moving. “Are there additional words I can say to her or actions I can take to both help her deal with past grief and prepare her for the major loss coming up this summer?” Her question prompted a range of ideas for dealing with the losses that come as a natural part of life—death, moving, favorite teachers taking new jobs, etc.

My tactic with dealing with my daughter’s feelings of loss is to recognize that grieving has to take place before healing can begin. It all feels overwhelming and sad and scary. I acknowledge, acknowledge, acknowledge. And try to reframe a little. When she says she’s sad about having to leave our house, I say I am too, but we’ll be together wherever we are… A friend, who is a school psychologist, suggested ice cream breathing when feelings get overwhelming. Take a deep breath in, hold it for a second, then breathe out while imagining your favorite flavor of ice cream. Also try color breathing. Make a color chart, assigning different feelings to different colors. Breathe out the stressed feeling of gray, and breathe in the calm feeling of blue. My sisters were young teenagers (13 and 15) when our mom died, so we wrote messages to her and released them on helium balloons into the sky.

What helped us at first was a grief program for children run by the hospice group, which helped me find words and ways to explain death to my daughter and to give her words to express what she was feeling. She learned much from the other kids (the children met separately from the parents). Since then, what has helped my daughter is that when she wants to, we’ll get two balloons—one for her and one for Nana—and go to the cemetery where we send Nana’s balloon up to her in heaven. My daughter can say whatever she wants. She may yell Hi Nana, I miss you or tell her about whatever pops into her mind. She’s also drawn pictures for Nana that we leave at the cemetery. It has seemed to help her.

My son’s therapist suggested focusing on empathy and feelings, helping him to identify the feelings and putting words/names to how he’s feeling. Distraction also helps, so I give him fun things to do. She reminded me that kids are resilient and come out this stuff much faster than we do. I find that by my expressing my grief, my son actually does better. He is learning from me what it means to be appropriately sad and he’s witnessing me being empathetic. When we got on the plane to come home from the memorial service, I was looking out the window and was very pensive. He couldn’t see my face, so he didn’t know I had tears in my eyes. He asked me, “Are you sad?” I said yes. He reached over and started rubbing my arm. At the memorial service he was sitting on one side of my stepmom and I was on the other. When my stepmom would start to cry, he would reach out and hold her hand. Now, when I’m feeling overwhelmed by my grief, I don’t want to have a major cry in front of him, because I don’t want him to be scared by it. I try to limit my episodes to when I’m in the shower or in my room. But I let him know that it’s okay to feel that way. My son tends to hold all his grief in, and then get either depressed or angry, which he takes out through action (throwing things and breaking things), so I’m trying to model for him more appropriate ways of expression of sadness—using words, asking for hugs, etc.

Sometime this poem helps:
I see the moon, the moon sees me
The moon sees someone I’d like to see
God bless the moon, God bless me
God bless the one I’d like to see

I got some books for my daughter about dealing with grief and the one I really like is called I Miss You: A First look at Death by Pat Thomas and Leslie Harker. It’s nondenominational and quite reassuring. It also suggests activities kids can do to help process the loss. My daughter likes it and keeps asking to “read the sad book.” At this point, it’s more about my feelings because she doesn’t really understand, but when her grandpa passes, it will become more real to her.

One thing that my daughter did recently is to make a memory box containing special things that remind her of the person she lost. Your daughter and their friends could perhaps make memory boxes of each other and the things they liked to do, and then each one could have a box to take with them or to have when their friend leaves.

My mother died six months ago after being in the hospital for an extended stay… I also say Kaddish for her as often as I can at temple, and on my own on other nights. So I hope my kids are learning about honoring her memory through my actions.

I’ve made a memory book for each of my children— called A Book of Happy Memories—featuring pictures, drawings, ticket stubs, anecdotes to remind them of how involved my mother was with their lives. They have helped with drawings and recollections. I’ve found that has helped me and we’ll see whether it’s something they go to in the months and years ahead.

My son has been voicing a lot of death fears and having problems sleeping. Of course, one of his major fears is my dying—one night when we were discussing it, I realized that he was also scared about what would happen to him and his sister if I died. So I told him about my plan (my sisters are their guardians). He then wanted to discuss the logistics, timeframes—how long it would take for people to get here, would he ever be alone, where would he live, and so forth. Once he had a clear picture, he seemed much calmer— at least about that aspect.

Editor’s Note: In this feature, the wit and wisdom of our very smart and together SMC—Ms. Essie Emcee—is tapped to answer some of the question that SMCs may face. Other sources of extraordinary wisdom can be found on the SMC listserve groups. It was from the Community list, in fact, that this question and the answers were shamelessly stolen. If you have a question you’d like Ms. Essie to answer, mail it to Box 1642, Gracie Square Station, NYC 10028.

New Film Captures Fears of Expecting Single Mothers
by Alan Powell
writer/director

Birth, death, and marriage are touted as “three of the most important events in our lives.” In fact, with the exception of marriage, they are essential to a life lived. Yet some would argue that to truly experience a life lived, one must also be committed to another human being in holy matrimony.

In the new film Saturday, by international award-winning director Alan Powell, all three themes are combined through interwoven stories with the idea that marriage and childbirth don’t have to go together and if they do, they don’t have to occur in that order. Laetitia (played by Laetitia Villetorte) is a 30-something single woman living in Toronto who was artificially inseminated and is attempting to induce her labor by walking the city streets. Enter Miguel (Carlos Diaz), the cab driver she flags. His estranged father is on his deathbed and visiting him is not an option. It isn’t until Miguel picks up three different fares (including Laetitia) that he rethinks his decision and as a result starts life anew.

It is Miguel’s support of Laetitia’s decision to have a child on her own that keeps her from crumbling. And she is truly on her own. Her parents live in South America, and her sister’s in Europe. No one can afford to join her nor do they want to. It’s implied that Laetitia’s romantic relationships have been less than kind. “Better alone than in bad company” is her offhand remark in Spanish when Miguel inquiries about a husband. She appears to be confident and her own person at the outset, but when her waters break, she starts to doubt her single motherhood decision, thinking that she’s ruining her chances to meet Mr. Right. This revelation might be coming a little late, but it’s an honest reaction to an extremely stressful situation with absolutely no support systems in place. It’s Miguel who talks her through it and is her biggest support on the way to the hospital, so much so, that Laetitia is inspired to name her child after him.

According to the online edition of the Expectant Mothers Guide, a support system is not negotiable. There’s no question that you need help from others. “It is common to feel overwhelmed and to lack direction, and it is helpful to turn to clergy or a counselor for support in addition to one’s family.” In fact, the stress that’s brought on by a pregnancy can become so severe as to interfere with the health of the unborn child. Several studies have linked the development of mental disorders including autism and schizophrenia to children born to mothers who were under severe stress during their pregnancy.

“I don’t think Laetitia thought it all through down to the fine details,” says Powell, who also wrote the screenplay. “I approached her character from the perspective of desperation. She’s lonely and extremely innocent about what’s to come. Her whole life flashes before her eyes, and fortunately Miguel is there to talk her through it.” There’s a happy ending for Laetitia but we won’t give it away.

Running approximately 65 minutes, the film is considered feature length for film festivals. Currently wrapping up post in Toronto, Powell is excited about the premiere as test audiences have all given their thumbs up to a story well told with exceptional performances.

Powell’s last film, Across the Hall, won awards and nominations internationally including Best Short Film at Method Fest in Los Angles and Best Foreign Film at the Heart of Gold International Film Festival in Australia. It also screened at festivals worldwide, followed by distribution sales. Saturday’s strategy will follow the same path. The film will be completed this July and worldwide festival screenings are currently being arranged. One distributor is already waiting in the wings to view the finish product. Still with all the stress and waiting that has taken place in the post production process, Powell has played both the patient mother and nervous father. “This is my baby.” Powell beams. “I’m about to give birth to it. Once it’s out, it will have its own life, its own success. I merely stand by it, and speak on its behalf…it’s just a baby. It can’t talk yet.” He smiles.

For information on upcoming screenings, production stills, behind the scenes video and notes from the director go to www.facilitatorfilms.com and join the Facebook group Saturday.

A modern-day fairy tale.
By Leslie Elsner

You remember it well—the fairy tale you memorized as a child. One day your prince will come, and it will be true love. In the modern-day version, the princess has a successful career, kisses lots of frogs, and one day realizes she is turning 40 and although her closet is full of glass slippers, the prince is late for the ball. The clock ticks loudly, echoing the post-modern Cinderella’s state of distress, but you face a fate much more severe than turning into a pumpkin.

The moment the embryologist confirmed that the embryos had indeed been transferred successfully was the most emotionally moving experience of my pregnancy. The story began decades ago, but every moment since that fateful day will be every moment my little prince came to be.

This particular part of the fairy tale began almost three years ago. My roommate on a adventure trip to Fiji was reading a copy of Single Mothers By Choice: A Guidebook For Single Women Who Are Considering or Have Chosen Single Motherhood. Ironic how fate has a way of finding us. Weeks later, after attending my first SMC (Single Mothers by Choice) meeting in Central Park, I was armed with a list detailing how to solve the “princeless problemo.”

I was said to be on the accelerated track—within a week I had a sperm donor that gives new meaning to the “full package” and a visit to a RE (reproductive endocrinologist, aka, a fertility specialist) with an introduction to the first of many intimate encounters that I had once only considered after dinner and drinks. It was a no-brainer actually. I had been thinking for a decade and the moment I saw my donor’s profile, I turned to my childhood friend and gasped, “Oh my gosh, he’s the one!” Tall, handsome, a heart of gold, and a passion and appreciation for life I was failing to find in the pool of single men my age. The fact that he was 13 years younger with an excellent sperm count proved to be the icing on the cake.

In between my “aha” moment and the time of conception two years later, there was a 30 block walk to the clinic due to a transit strike, followed by a devastating flood that destroyed my home two days prior to my first insemination, a minor surgery, my stolen identity, seven failed inseminations, and a slip off the proverbial cliff with a grand finale of a life-altering career change. The day of the IVF transfer, I questioned the doctor if I was being irresponsible. I was 41 years old, single, unemployed, and about to transfer four healthy embryos into my vacant womb. I could have answered my own question, but the doctor didn’t skip a beat: “There is never a right time. If this is your dream, today is the day.” I closed my eyes and squeezed my mother’s hand and she smiled. I knew then, somehow it would all work out.

To those on the street, I was just another 40-something woman waiting on the subway platform for her train to pull in. Only I knew better, I may have been taking the #6 train back to Murray Hill, but I was on my way to the castle.

There is a moment in each of our lives, where you take a risk and there is no turning back. It’s a leap of faith, and you will never know what would have happened if you hesitated…would you one day find yourself old and gray thinking I shoulda, coulda, woulda. For that brief moment, I became Dorothy and the embryologist was the great Wizard. Although I may no longer be able to afford ruby slippers, I will always know I followed the yellow brick road.

And though the dream has changed with the times, the morale of the story remains the same…they all lived happily ever after!

No one ever plans to need social assistance, but it can happen, and I’ve run into a big stumbling block in my application for assistance. To date, the state had always taken me at my word when I said that the children (twins) were conceived using anonymous donor sperm. Now that I’m unemployed and uninsured and trying to get statefunded aid, my word is no longer good enough. I’ve gone around and around with the hospital trying to get some kind of proof from them or the doctor to corroborate my claim. Unfortunately, my doctor has left the state and both of his partners left the university to open a private practice. I asked if one of the current doctors could review my file and sign a simple statement confirming that the IVF procedure was performed using donor sperm. Apparently they are reluctant to do that because they didn’t personally perform the procedure. I’ve gone to the medical records office in person to pick up copies of my records (at 31 cents per page) but apparently the record isn’t in order or even all in one place! (This is a major university hospital, not some small town clinic.) It’s unsettling that they can’t find anything in the records to prove the procedure was performed with donor sperm shipped from an out-of-state sperm bank less than four years ago, but that’s apparently the case! So my recommendation to all SMCs is to get an affidavit signed by the physician, on letterhead, stating that the pregnancy was successfully achieved using donor sperm. Hopefully, this will make it easier for them to prove that there isn’t a deadbeat-dad out there somewhere. In these rough economic times, a lot of people are in the unforeseen situation of needing help from the government and I don’t want anyone else to go through what I’ve been going through if I can help them to avoid it!

Kelly D. Wirth

CONTACT PEOPLE

Jude Eidenberg s a new CP for New York City. She can be reached at (212) 396-0069 or jne212@msn.com.

Amanda Forbes is a new CP for the Hoboken, New Jersey, area. She can be reached at (732) 865-2435 or amanda.forbes@med.ge.com.

Ashleigh Imus is a new CP for Ithaca, New York. She can be reached at (607) 351-6842 or asi5@cornell.edu.

Katerina Kaisari is a new CP for Greece. She can be reached at kaisari@uth.gr.

Colleen “Kali” Kimberlin is a new CP for Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. She can be reached at (412) 655-4049 or kali284@verizon.net.

Karla Lema is a new CP for New York City. She can be reached at (917) 748-0493 or karlany@yahoo.com.

Colleen Monaghan is a new CP for the Boston area. She can be reached at (781 )899-2956 or cmonaghan@partners.org.

Lois Presser is a new CP for Knoxville, Tennessee. She can be reached at (865) 971-3715 or loispresser@yahoo.com.

Got a new person in the house? Send the information to our new newsletter editor, Laura Isabel Serna at lauisaser@gmail.com. Be sure to include all the vital statistics. And congratulations to all our new moms!

Jeannine DeLoche is thrilled to announce the birth of her daughter, Margot Josephine, on May 7, 2009. She was 7lbs, 8oz, and 20in. She is an easy, happy baby!

Lara Flejter is happy to announce the arrival of William Leo to our family. “Liam” was born on February 18, 2009, just nine days before big brother Henry’s second birthday. Arriving two weeks early, Liam was 10lbs, 3oz, and 21.5in. He is a blessing to our family in every way. We are so glad he is here, happy, and healthy!

Naomi Levitsky is thrilled to announce the adoption of my son Jonah Avery. He was born on November 11, 2008. He was 5lbs, 5oz, and 18in. Jonah came home with me on November 19!

Christine Wade joyfully announces the birth of her daughter, Mia Claire Wade. My little angel arrived 4 days before her due date on March 27, 2009, at 3:32 a.m., and was 6lbs., 5oz., and 19.5in. Mia is my dream come true, and I am madly in love!

ABOUT THIS NEWSLETTER

This newsletter is published quarterly by Single Mothers by Choice Inc., a nonprofit founded in 1981. Annual subscriptions to this newsletter are included free with a membership ($55 for first year, $35 for renewal) or by subscription at $25 per year. Give a friend a gift. We are a nonprofit 501(c) corporation, and donations are tax deductible to the extent allowed by law.

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Jane Mattes, CSW, the publisher of the newsletter, is the founder of SMC and author of Single Mothers by Choice: A Guidebook for Single Women Who Are Considering or Have Chosen Motherhood. Jane is also a psychotherapist and can be reached at (212) 988-0993, at mattes@pipeline.com, or at the SMC office at Box 1642, Gracie Square Station, New York, NY 10028.

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