I’ve often said my son is a child of summer. His blue eyes shine with days at the pool and time outdoors. In this issue we’re kicking back to think of issues big and small. Enjoy the lazy days of the season. If you have an article idea you would like to share or write, please send me an email at ctabel@hotmail.com.

Recently my hometown newspaper did a cover story on donor children seeking information on their donor and other siblings. The article, focusing on adult donor children and their quest for more information, mentioned Donor Sibling Registry and DonorChildren as sites where children and their families are finding more information.

In looking at the multitude of topics posted on the Single Mothers by Choice Forum, it is obvious that donor siblings and the mechanics of finding and talking to them is top of mind for many of us who conceived our children using an anonymous or ID-release donor. What should you know about making contact with donor siblings?

The Mechanics: When

For some, making contact might come as soon as they are pregnant by a donor. A recent thread on the Forum regarding contact with donor sibling families came from a member who is in the early stages of pregnancy:

“So, I’m only five weeks pregnant, but I couldn’t resist registering with the sibling registry at my sperm bank and checking out how many other children this donor has helped to conceive.”

Some might consider this too early and fraught with risk – mainly what if something happens during pregnancy? Could there be additional heartache if the pregnancy doesn’t go full term?

When to engage with other donor families is as personal as choosing the donor himself. Some might be driven to register early on a donor sibling site based on a desire to know/share medical information or make early connections on behalf of their children. Others might wait until their child is old enough to understand and make the choice themselves.

The Mechanics, Part II: How

Once you’ve made the decision to find donor siblings, the next part of doing so is how? The sites mentioned above are great resources and many sperm banks now have groups for donor families to connect. Signing up is easy and allows for some anonymity, if you still aren’t sure.

But once you’re ready to engage – what do you say? What are you willing to share?

Before making contact, be clear on what is it you want out of the experience – for yourself and your child.

Before making contact, be clear on what it is you want out of the experience – for yourself and your child. Do you want to establish contact in case a medical need arises? Are you curious about traits your child might share? Are you looking to meet other families and create connections? Be clear on your intentions so you don’t set yourself up for disappointment or disappoint others in the process.

Making Sure the Kids are All Right

Sperm donors and their offspring are a Hollywood favorite when it comes to movies. From Vince Vaughn and 500 donor children, to Jennifer Lopez falling in love with her donor, sperm donation is seen as story-telling gold. For us, though, this is serious business.

The most important issue to consider when engaging with other donor families is your child. Making contact with his or her half siblings, and how you explain it, is personal. The SMC Forum offers many discussion threads on how others have done it. From initial contact, to establishing relationships, to successful meetings and maintaining relationships – the Forum contains the stories of families who have been there.

Ultimately, much as your choice to become a mother via donor insemination was one full of thinking, planning and trying, making contact with donor siblings also requires a thoughtful path. For more information or to share your donor sibling journey, visit the SMC Forum here.

By Cheri Tabel

Book Review – Mommy and the Love Child by Signe Fjord