Mother’s Day in the United States is officially May 14. While we all know every day is Mother’s Day, not to mention Father’s Day, for us, please take the time to pamper yourself. And know…

You are:
Beautiful when you’re tired
Strong when you feel weak
Loving your hardest when you’re disciplining your toughest
Embracing the possibilities of Plan B when you’re letting go of Plan A.

You are a powerhouse, no matter what stage of this process you’re in. It takes guts to change your life. But that’s what moms do. They change lives. Starting with their own. Happy Mother’s Day to you, wonderful woman!

I think I’m over-thinking. In fact, I’m pretty sure of it. Mostly.

Here’s the thing. I have thought and thought about everything where my boys are concerned, and it’s given me a bit of a complex. Because I still think and think about everything.

Case in point: My boys will be 18 months old in June. The uber-planner in me is thinking of their 2-year birthday party. But the uber-thinker that I have become is wondering about their friends. Do they have enough? Do they have any? Do Daycare kids count? Should I be out trolling for toddler friends? And on and on.

Now, before my babies, I knew the deal with toddler birthday parties. Even as a single woman, I’d been to more than my share, balancing through bounce houses and ball pits, generally trying to avoid pink eye. All the while, though, I knew the party was more for the parents and less for the kids. Sure, a few other toddlers wandered in and out of pools and face-painting stations. But for the most part, those parties were themed more around Dora the Margarita-mixer-for-hire than Dora the Explorer.

So why am I worried now? Honestly, because I’ve controlled everything else thus far, it gives me wrinkles to think that my boys may not have any friends because I am not …I don’t even know what. But something. I am not …”something.” Sigh.

Is it just me? I worry that because I work, my boys spend too much time in daycare. That they watch too much TV because it’s how they eat best. That they hug my mother way longer than they hug me. That maybe it’s time for their first hair cut. That maybe it’s past time for their college fund. That chicken noodle soup may not have enough calcium. That … that…that.

It can be exhausting! While I knew this was part of the deal, I exist in almost a constant state of being overwhelmed. In fact, if I am well-rested, someone must be sick because between restless sleepers, comfort bottles and teeth-teeth-teeth, I still get up a couple times a night for each boy.

But you know something? While I can tell you word for word the songs in each of the 30-odd episodes of Bubble Guppies stacked in my DVR, I cant tell you what I was doing 17 months ago. I’m sure I was sleeping a lot better. But a night without stumbling around toys that light up and shout and generally make too much noise? Where’s the fun in that?

The point is this: This gig is hard. It’s really, really hard. My mother lives with me, and it’s hard! But believe me when I tell you, I can’t think of a single thing I’ve ever done that makes my soul sing any louder than being my boys’ mom.

I’m still overwhelmed sometimes. Most times, really. But, hey, chicken noodle soup comes with “more calcium for growing kids.” So that’s one less thing.

With so many decisions to make as a single mother, whether or not to reach out to donor siblings, your child’s half-siblings may not be high on the list. But wherever it ranks, it could be a tough one. Arguments range from “what harm could it do?” to “my child has brothers and sisters! Of course they should know each other!” to “the family I have created is the only family my child needs.”

Obviously no wrong or right answer exists. We discuss this topic all the time on the SMC Forum, and it is one that many of us find challenging. One SMC followed her gut and connected with same-donor families.

Read about her experience on our blog in Modern Family: Connecting With Donor Siblings:
http://www.singlemothersbychoice.org/2017/02/10/modern-family-connecting-with-donor-siblings/

Whew. ← That’s a sigh of relief that someone finally asked the question out loud.

Many SMCs mention the praise they get for having the courage to become a single parent. There’s a certain amount of validation in hearing people see you as you see yourself in your head: Strong! Capable! Passionate! Especially when you look in the mirror and see yourself as something else: Exhausted! Frazzled! In need of a long shower!

But is there any amount of exhaustion that makes you regret your decision? Have you ever been so much at your wit’s end – whether from multiple tries or multiple babies, or even one baby acting up-and-out multiple times – that you really, truly wish you hadn’t chosen to change your life?

In Do you regret it? Like at all?, SMCs get real.
https://forums.singlemothersbychoice.org/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=28040

Trying to have a baby on your own can make your head spin. You worry if it’s becoming too difficult. You worry if it’s not difficult at all. But, well, you’ll fear, so “never fear” isn’t right. You’ll worry, so “don’t worry” isn’t realistic. And you’ll have your share of doubts. “Never doubt” may not even be an option.

When that happens, and it will, sometimes all at one, read this and don’t forget: Why I Want To Be A Mother.
https://www.singlemothersbychoice.org/2017/04/18/why-i-want-to-be-a-mother-5/

Please welcome our newest CPs!

Janina Austin

Jamestown, NC

zora.girasole@gmail.com

Tania P

Saunderstown, RI

uktania@gmail.com

Amanda Johnson

Choctaw, OK

arjohnsondc@gmail.com

Jennifer Kauple

Mesa, AZ

jenkapuke@gmail.com

Beri Lainjo

Dorval, Quebec

missberi@gmail.com

SMC – Fertility IQ

Have you heard about FertilityIQ? I just recently learned about it and am very excited to share this great resource. FertilityIQ is a platform where verified fertility patients anonymously assess their fertility doctor, nurse, clinic, billing department and more. The data is free and really helps in choosing (or avoiding) a doctor or clinic.

SMC has an opportunity to both contribute to Fertility IQ and to benefit SMC. Thnkers and tryers can look up other women’s experiences with clinics and doctors. Those who are pregnant and already moms can help those just starting out by providing information about their experiences with fertility doctors.

We would appreciate your filling out a survey about your experiences with fertility doctors. And, FertilityIQ will make a donation to SMC for everyone referred by us who assesses their fertility doctor on their site!

To ensure that SMC gets credit for your survey, just type in “SMC” in answer to the question at the end that asks, “did someone suggest you assess your doctor?” (You can also forward this to anyone who may be interested in doing a survey.  As long as they put “SMC” as the answer to that question, we will get a donation.)

Please be as detailed as possible so that others may benefit from your experience.

You can  go here: https://www.fertilityiq.com/survey-intro to do an assessment of your fertility doctor.

Thanks to all in advance for filling out the surveys and for spreading the word about this!

Jane

You can see recent profiles of FertilityIQ in the Wall Street Journal and the New York Times .

Ah, the freedom to tell it like it is and have people think it’s cute…

With my Mum this afternoon…

B: I hungry.
Grandma: I’m sorry sweetie, we are almost at your house, I don’t have anything with me, Mummy will have a snack for you.
B: Sigh, grunt….Maybe we could drive to the window and ask for a snack, cuz that’s what Mummy does.
Grandma: I can’t find one.
B: Ask the phone lady.

Chatting with D today about how the rest of the week will unfold…

Me: School will be open tomorrow and Thursday, then closed again on Friday.
D: Why?
Me: It’s a holiday.
D: Which holiday?
Me: Good Friday.
D: Does that mean everyone in the world will be nice??

A (calling from bed in the middle of the night): Mama! Mama!
Me (sleepily): What do you need, sweetie?
A: Something’s missing.
Me: What is it?
A: I don’t know!

At the bank. O, sitting beside me and initially reticent, decided to make conversation with the teller.

Her opening gambit:
“Everyone here has hair.”

Enjoy more of our cutest quotables on our forums, here:

https://forums.singlemothersbychoice.org/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=4784&start=20