Some of my best vacations have been “staycations.”

The secret, I’ve found, is to plan as carefully as I would for a trip out of town. I leave the house (and all its nagging chores) behind in the morning, just as I would if I were staying in a hotel. And I resolve to explore as a visitor might. I’ve learned so much about my hometown that way.

On the other hand, there’s nothing like visiting someplace entirely new. With summer travel season upon us, many moms are finalizing their plans to get out of town—or they may be wondering just how to handle traveling as a single parent with a child, or children, in tow.

In this “travel edition” of the SMC newsletter, I’ve gathered tips from other SMCs on how they handle traveling with their children. Whether your plans keep you close to or far from home, I hope you have a wonderful summer season.

Need advice on planning a trip? Wondering if having a child means the end of adventures? Listen to advice gathered from some of our mothers who haven’t let their single-with-child status slow down their journeys.

Start off early

Starting small is KEY. Let your kids getting used to being in a hotel before it’s a big trip that has a lot riding on it. —Shannon H.

Start them being responsible for their stuff early on. When they are younger, buy a small backpack for them. Let them wear it around the house. Help them put a few toys in it and carry it around. Then, when out and about, put their snack in it. As they grown the amount of stuff gets bigger along with the backpack. —Trina G.

Consider traveling with other single parents.

One thing that I love is traveling with other SMCs. It’s great community and saves money too. We get being responsible for everything from kids to meals to whatever else, and that shared experience both builds community and makes it easier for folks to see when stepping in might help. —Erin D.

The SMC vacations, formal or off-the-cuff, are like this. It’s great to go somewhere and have other families you can relate to around. Gives both the kids and the moms people to hang with. Even better if you do it for multiple years, so the families can get to know each other better. —Terry R.

Organize yourself before you go:

If you are a bit “nuts,” are a super-duper organizer, and tend to overpack, ship a box ahead to your destination. It makes the airport experience a lot less stressful. —Amy F.

Our last trip I had Amazon ship or sunscreen to the first hotel. Then I didn’t have to worry about the large bottle with carry-on luggage at the airport—Rose G.

If you fly a lot get Global Entry or TSA Precheck ! Has saved me with a tired cranky kid! —Alison M.  

Be thoughtful about what you pack:

If you go on a cruise, pack a bathing suit in whatever small bag you’ll carry on board. The rest of your luggage will be delivered to your stateroom, and it might take a while. But with a bathing suit, you can hit the pool while you’re waiting! —Robyn S.

I always carry a six-foot extension cord. That can convert one outlet into three, and put the outlets in a more convenient place than the one on the wall might have been. For international travel, it lets you use one plug converter to be able to plug in three devices. —Terry R.

I carry a power strip that has regular outlets and USB ports, so all our devices can charge. Bring extra chargers with you, especially if you’re going to a place where it would be hard to buy more. —Laura R.

Don’t forget snacks and toys:

Bring tons of snacks. My nightmare is being stuck on the tarmac for hours. Plan for that. —Abby W.  

Bring lots of little novel things for the plane. We got stuck on the tarmac for over 3 hours once because President Obama was flying into the airport we were trying to fly into. We were very fortunate that we were able to keep my 20-month-old entertained so long.—Teressa T.

Prepare for the unexpected:

Bags. Large Ziploc bags and grocery store bags. You never know when you’ll need them. One child threw up on his coat as we drove to the airport. Big Ziploc bag was perfect to hold the coat. —Tara V.

No matter how old your kids are, always throw a few dishtowels or cloth diapers in your carry-on…. I cannot tell you how many times they have come in handy for an unexpected throw-up, spill, etc. in the airport or during the flight. —Suzanne H.

I always carry a change of clothes in my carry-on for me and my son. —Adri B.

Never forget, safety first:

I always travel with a carbon monoxide detector. It’s not exciting but it’s a life saver if it needs to be. —Tania P.

I always travel with a night light and medicine for both of us in case we get sick. I keep a small amount in my carry-on, and the rest goes in my checked bag. —Christy W.

Consider wiping your seats, etc. upon getting on a plane. I have to do it because my son has food allergies, so I Clorox wipe everything…his seat, seatbelt, tray table, window area including the shade, absolutely everything. And OMG those things are disgusting. My wipes are covered in blech. So even when I fly without him I wipe the stuff down! —Jennifer C.

Keeping young kids occupied during flights doesn’t have to be expensive:

If flying, get cheap new toys (Dollar Store, even) and wrap them. Give out throughout plane ride! They get to unwrap and it’s new! Window cling stickers on planes always a big hit. —Alison M

For flights I pack Legos, and it’s hours of fun for my son. Drawstring bag, so Legos are contained. Also, my son can pack 1- or 2-gallon size Ziploc bags of cars, trucks, etc. I count and take a picture, so I make sure I bring all of them home. One bag is for destination and another for the travel and I rotate the bag. —Carin M.

Engage older kids in the planning:

For teens (especially older teens), allow them to bring a friend, if at all possible, so they can do their own thing sometimes on the trip. Other teen tips: extra set of earbuds always (those things seem to grow legs and walk away), allow them to choose what to do/eat some days, involve them in the planning of the trip and get their input on outings, give them extra spending money that you’d probably spend on them anyways but allow them to fully choose what they want to buy for souvenirs, and finally, give them some alone time. I usually get up early a few mornings and go walking or to a coffee shop (with my little boys) so my teen can sleep in, hang out without me/us at the hotel room, etc. Traveling is a lot of togetherness and teens need their space. —Holly S.

With older kids, pre-trip reading can be a great way to hook them in to the historic/cultural aspects of the destination. —Krista M.

Give each older kid a camera (or phone with camera). The pics afterwards can hold gems and perspectives on the trip we never anticipated as parents. —Aisha M.

Finally, don’t forget to slow down and enjoy the ride:

Travel at the speed of your child. I spent more time playing soccer in a park in Rome with my son than we spent in the Vatican. I want him to love traveling more than I worry about seeing and doing everything. —Susan S.

While staying with friends in the West Village in NYC, my son couldn’t get enough of the nearby Bleecker Street Playground, so we spent hours there each day. The other highlight was riding the subway. We both had a blast. —Maureen U.

My Mom Has Two Jobs

written by Michelle Travis, illustrated by Natalie Loseva

This picture book is a useful resource for SMCs looking for a way to explain to their young children just what they do outside the home all day. The text is written in the voice of children who are describing their mothers’ jobs and how the skills from that job carry over into parenting. For example, a lawyer mom “fixes problems when grown-ups fight.” And also, “when my brother doesn’t play fair, she teaches us to take turns and to share.”

The mothers and children in this book are ethnically and racially diverse, with an admirable variety of careers represented, including a waitress, a military sergeant, a secretary and a teacher. My Mom Has Two Jobs also includes a not-so-hidden message about the value of work other than parenting—it concludes, “Thank you Mom, for the jobs you do. You take care of me, and make the world better, too.”

Over the past three decades, in vitro fertilization (IVF) has helped millions of women worldwide conceive healthy babies. Despite the continuous improvement in IVF success rates, however, many IVF cycles end in frustration for women and couples as seemingly normal embryos fail to implant in the uterus and develop into a fetus. When failed implantation takes place in multiple IVF cycles, the patient or couple is considered to have recurrent implantation failure (RIF). There is no widely-accepted consensus on the definition of RIF among fertility specialists.  One commonly used definition is the failure to conceive after three embryo transfers with seeming high-quality embryos. RIF includes negative pregnancy tests as well as biochemical pregnancies, those in which fertilization was achieved but implantation failed before a pregnancy sac could be visualized by ultrasonography. With the advent of pre-implantation genetic testing of embryos for chromosome abnormalities (PGT-A), the definition of RPL might be updated to include the failure to conceive after three single embryo transfers of chromosomally-normal (euploid) embryos.

Many known factors contribute to RIF. It is likely that many others have not yet been identified. Known factors include advanced maternal and paternal age, genetic competency of embryo(s), uterine abnormalities including congenital defects, fibroid tumors and polyps, chronic infections and inflammation of the fallopian tubes as well as the tissue lining the inside of the uterus (endometrium), autoimmune factors, hormone abnormalities, obesity, and environmental toxins including maternal tobacco, alcohol and drug use. As women age, the number of oocytes (eggs) diminishes and a higher proportion of oocytes are genetically abnormal. Failed implantation and the incidence of biochemical pregnancy increase with maternal age, particularly in women aged 38 and older. As RIF can occur, however, even with embryos that are deemed chromosomally-normal, age is just one factor contributing to RIF.

For any woman or couple who experience RIF, a logical, evidence-based evaluation must be performed that is both time-efficient and cost-efficient. Some information available to patients on the internet, in books and even from physicians and blogs can be valuable and supportive, while other information can be misleading and not evidence-based. A comprehensive evaluation should include an extensive medical and reproductive history from both partners, an appropriate evaluation of genetic, hormonal and immunologic factors, and a detailed assessment of the uterus, fallopian tubes and ovaries. Advanced testing of sperm may be warranted in some cases of RIF.

Many treatments are used commonly to help reduce the incidence of implantation failure. Hormonal supplementation, blood-thinning medications, uterine or other pelvic corrective procedures, antibiotic therapy, limited immunotherapy, and IVF with PGT-A might be appropriate treatments for some patients but not others. While many treatments are based on well-designed scientific studies, others are based on poorly-designed studies that do provide adequate data. As many patients feel desperate for answers, they may even partake in expensive, non-evidence based treatments.

All patients deserve state-of-the-art care that is based on sound medical and ethical parameters. RIF can be devastating and it is imperative for patients and couples to empower themselves with research and targeted questions and seek expert care and emotional support as they build their family.

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Dr. Daniel E. Stein is the Director of RMA of New York’s Westside office and is Chief of Reproductive Endocrinology at Mount Sinai West Hospital. Dr. Stein has over twenty years of experience as a Reproductive Endocrinologist and fertility specialist and served for eight years as Medical Director of the In Vitro Fertilization program of the former Continuum Reproductive Center before joining RMA of New York. He is board-certified in both obstetrics and gynecology and reproductive endocrinology and infertility. For the past several years Dr. Stein has been recognized by New York Magazine and Castle Connolly as one of New York’s “Best Doctors” and a “Top Doctor” by US News and World Report. He has also been included as one of the Best Doctors in America. He has received multiple awards from patient advocacy groups for his years of service in the fields of reproductive medicine and fertility.

Dr. Stein completed his residency training in obstetrics and gynecology at Thomas Jefferson University Hospital in Philadelphia, and then completed his fellowship training in reproductive endocrinology and infertility at the UMDNJ-New Jersey Medical School. His specialties include egg freezing, infertility, in vitro fertilization, recurrent implantation failure and recurrent miscarriages.

We now have a private section on the SMC Forum for members who are parenting children of color. If you’re parenting a child of color and might be interested in joining this forum, please write to the Listmamas via a Forum PM or email and let them know.

To PM the Listmamas: Send a PM within the Forum to: SMCListmamas.  To email them, write to: smc-listmamas-all@yahoogroups.com

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We’d like to give a warm welcome and express our thanks to our newest SMC Contact Persons:

Andrea Weaver- Salt Lake City, UT  andreawea@gmail.com

Carrie Grassi- Brooklyn, NY carrie.grassi@gmail.com

Kristin Hughes- Cincinnati, OH  hughes_kristin@hotmail.com

Nicole Lenti- Shelton, CT nlenti@yahoo.com

Jackie Strohmenger- Jacksonville Beach, FL jstrohme1974@yahoo.com

Valerie Kameya- Burbank, CA  vkameya@gmail.com

AS OF AUGUST 1ST:

Abigail Wolfson- San Miguel de Allende, Mexico abigail.wolfson@gmail.com

Does your area need a Contact Person (CP)? Might you want to be one? Do you have any questions about being a CP? Just let us know and we’ll be glad to discuss it with you. Contact Jane at our office:  office@singlemothersbychoice.org 

We have worked long and hard to find a solution for our unwieldy two-password system (one for the Forum and another for the main website’s local information), and we have finally moved both the Newsletters and the CP/ Members Directories over to the Forum! Within the next few weeks, we will me making final updates to our User Profile system, and removing any password protected information, so members will only need ONE password to access ALL of our online resources on the Forum.

To log into the Forum from our website, click the For Members tab on the upper right, and then click the Forum tab on the drop down menu.  Or just use the direct link: https://forums.singlemothersbychoice.org/

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Local Contact Information can be found in the Local News and Information section within the General Info: Newsletters, Discussion, and Photos subforum. After clicking on these links, click on your country/region to see your Contact Person Directory (viewable by all members) and then the Directory of Members (viewable by Full-Members only).

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Quarterly Newsletters can also be found on our Forum by logging on, then clicking Newsletters in the GENERAL INFO: NEWSLETTERS, DISCUSSION, AND PHOTOS section. Our quarterly newsletters include articles of interest to our members, advertisements and discount offers from sperm banks and other relevant organizations, and news related to our local chapters, members, and organization as a whole.

Discount codes for Sperm Banks are located within their advertisements which are scattered throughout each issue and remain active until the next newsletter is published. (Always use the codes on the most current Newsletter.)

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And as always, On our online Forum, you can post questions as well as find an abundance of advice and wisdom. Our forums are active 24/7 and average roughly 200+ posts a day on a huge variety of topics such as Thinking about Becoming an SMC, Trying to Conceive, Pregnancy, Infancy, Toddlers, etc. There are also sections for Dating, Extended Family, Consumer advice, Special Needs, and much more. You can start your own post or search for posts related to specific topics you wish to discuss.

If you’re new to the forum here are some important posts on there to get you started:

Forum Tips. Netiquette, Acronyms and More:

http://forums.singlemothersbychoice.org/viewforum.php?f=68

Q&A and Suggestions About the Forum:

http://forums.singlemothersbychoice.org/viewforum.php?f=45

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Please email us at office@singlemothersbychoice.org with any additional questions or concerns.

Took Cassidy to a sandwich place for lunch with fabulous chocolate chip cookies. After eating a few bites of her sandwich, she polished off a huge cookie.

C: I’m still hungry.

Me: Come have more of your sandwich.

C: I’m only hungry for cookie.

***

Child: “Mom, what do cowgirls wear when they ride their cows?”

***

During this morning’s snuggles before we got up and moving for the day: “Is there a fancy word for penis, like derriere?”

Have you heard about FertilityIQ? I am very excited to share this great resource. FertilityIQ is a platform where verified fertility patients anonymously assess their fertility doctor, nurse, clinic, billing department and more. The data is free and really helps in choosing (or avoiding) a doctor or clinic.

SMC has an opportunity to both contribute to Fertility IQ and to benefit SMC. Thinkers and tryers can look up other women’s experiences with clinics and doctors. Those who are pregnant or already moms can help those just starting out by providing information about their fertility doctors.

We would appreciate your filling out a survey about your experiences with fertility doctors. And FertilityIQ will make a donation to SMC for everyone referred by us who assesses their fertility doctor on their site!

To ensure that SMC gets credit for your survey, just type in “SMC” in answer to the question at the end that asks, “did someone suggest you assess your doctor?” (You can also forward this to anyone who may be interested in doing a survey.  As long as they put “SMC” as the answer to that question, we will get credit.)

Please be as detailed as possible so that others may benefit from your experience.

You can  go here: https://www.fertilityiq.com/survey-intro to do an assessment of your fertility doctor.

Thanks to all in advance for filling out the surveys and for spreading the word about this!

Jane

You can see profiles of FertilityIQ in the Wall Street Journal and the New York Times .