We Got This: Solo Mom Stories of Grit, Heart and Humor
Edited by Marika Lindholm, Cheryl Dumesnil, Dominica Ruta, and Katherine Shonk
Marika Lindholm loves “solo moms.” The founder of the social platform Empowering Solo Moms Everywhere, or ESME, she wants mothers to recognize how much they have in common, despite differences in age, race, culture, or route to motherhood.
Lindholm and her co-editors collected an anthology of 75 short pieces that tell the stories of all kinds of mothers. The collection includes poems, quotes, excerpts from longer works, and essays written just for this anthology. There are single mothers by choice, but they are only one thread in the tapestry; many of the essays also explore the rocky terrain of divorce, or the searing pain of widowhood.
Some of the inclusions in the book fall a little flat. Reflecting on the loveliness of a child’s laughter is cliched, even if the words come from actress (and single mother by choice) Charlize Theron.
But others essayists meditate on topics that deserved to be talked about more, such as artist Staceyann Chin’s piece on how her pregnancy was another form of “coming out.”
“Most of the other LGBT faces offer up congratulations, until they find out I’m doing it without a partner or co-parent,” Chin writes. “Lips are pursed. Sighs are delivered. And then silence ensues.”
My impulse with this anthology was to skim through and see which essays are about mothers that are just like me. While the lives and experiences of SMCs are included—and some essays, such as those on dating, are fairly universal—the ghostly presence of men permeates the anthology: men who are missing, men who have died, men who failed to live up to their promises.
The anthology does serve its purpose to place single mothers in a larger context: how we become mothers is not as important, this book claims, as our deep love for our children and our own worthiness to receive love. If a reader wants to look beyond the SMC experience to other forms of solo motherhood, this book offers a welcome embrace.
Where Else Do Babies Come From?
By Hope A.C. Bentley, Illustrated by Kate Renner
This charmingly illustrated book aimed at younger readers has a good purpose: to introduce the basics of assisted reproductive technology in child-appropriate language. However, the book introduces some ideas that may end up being more confusing than clarifying for the target audience.
The book, narrated by a smiling sperm cell, explains that to make a baby, you need an egg “from a woman,” a sperm “from a man” and “a woman’s” healthy uterus (unfortunately, this leaves out transgender parents.) The book goes on to explain that there’s a fourth ingredient needed, “mystery.”
Here, the talking sperm narrator gives an aside to the reader, saying that they need to fill in the blanks. “Some of you believe the mystery is religious or spiritual or scientific or all three. Some will know what the mystery is, some will not.” I did not, and I stumbled over this passage when I was reading the book to my son. The concept comes up again, as the author describes a family of two parents that has “eggs, sperm and a uterus, but they can’t find the mystery anywhere.”
(An aside: single mothers are given a subtle acknowledgement in one illustration, which depicts a woman flying a plane with the call sign “SMC 1000,” towing a banner that reads “Got Sperm? Call 1-555-MEET-EGG.”)
The introduction of a mysterious force needed for successful conception exists in tension with the rest of the book, which is otherwise down to earth. The book plainly states that sometimes a sperm or egg or uterus just don’t work right on their own. It describes where eggs come from, where sperm comes from (“they come right out of a man’s penis by the millions,”) and that sometimes, a doctor’s help is needed to bring them together. No mysteries required.
The drawings are cute and the basic information is sound. This can be a good resource for mothers who don’t quite know where to start with the conversation. Just be prepared to define that “mystery” for yourself, so you can help out your curious kids.
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