My Circuitous Route to Adoption

As I sit here writing, my house is filled with baby items from friends and Freecycle. All I need is a baby. At least now I have hope—I’m on an adoption waiting list. But what a long journey it has been…

I became a thinker and joined Single Mothers by Choice at age 39. People encouraged me to move forward, but I was stuck. I wanted a husband, then kids—the traditional family. At 40, I met someone I hoped could be Mr. Right, who turned out to be Mr. Autonomy Issues. At 41, I broke it off. I was devastated. I went into a depression, sought counseling and was stuck—I wanted biological kids, but I also wanted a traditional family. I kept thinking.

Looking back, I see how uneducated I was about fertility for women in their 40s. Despite the many women in the news having children well into their … Continue reading

The Adoption Complication (or, Why Single Motherhood)

I’m almost ready to send my packet of paperwork to the agency: the medical form and fingerprinting records, the background check requests and the letters of recommendation, the budget form more detailed, and more complicated, than anything I had to fill out when applying for a mortgage.  This packet will precipitate the home study process with the social worker, and then, if I pass, it’s on to creating my profile and then… waiting.

Most people trying to adopt do so in a couple, which means there’s always someone there to complain to or to help with paperwork or distract from the obsessive single-mindedness that can very easily take over this process.  It doesn’t bother me to be doing this on my own; to be honest, once a friend convinced me two years ago that the SMC (single motherhood by choice) path was possible, I became genuinely excited by the thought … Continue reading

“I joined when I was in the Thinking stage. The forum was exactly what I needed to research the SMC experience. I felt more confident with that support and information, and am now a mom to a baby boy!”

– Anonymous