My Circuitous Route to Adoption

As I sit here writing, my house is filled with baby items from friends and Freecycle. All I need is a baby. At least now I have hope—I’m on an adoption waiting list. But what a long journey it has been…

I became a thinker and joined Single Mothers by Choice at age 39. People encouraged me to move forward, but I was stuck. I wanted a husband, then kids—the traditional family. At 40, I met someone I hoped could be Mr. Right, who turned out to be Mr. Autonomy Issues. At 41, I broke it off. I was devastated. I went into a depression, sought counseling and was stuck—I wanted biological kids, but I also wanted a traditional family. I kept thinking.

Looking back, I see how uneducated I was about fertility for women in their 40s. Despite the many women in the news having children well into their … Continue reading

The Adoption Complication (or, Why Single Motherhood)

I’m almost ready to send my packet of paperwork to the agency: the medical form and fingerprinting records, the background check requests and the letters of recommendation, the budget form more detailed, and more complicated, than anything I had to fill out when applying for a mortgage.  This packet will precipitate the home study process with the social worker, and then, if I pass, it’s on to creating my profile and then… waiting.

Most people trying to adopt do so in a couple, which means there’s always someone there to complain to or to help with paperwork or distract from the obsessive single-mindedness that can very easily take over this process.  It doesn’t bother me to be doing this on my own; to be honest, once a friend convinced me two years ago that the SMC (single motherhood by choice) path was possible, I became genuinely excited by the thought … Continue reading

“After I joined SMC, I learned so much! One of the best things was not feeling alone. So many had gone before me, and if they could do it, then so could I! My local group was a great source of support and becoming an SMC was the best decision I've ever made.”

– Joyce Gabbert