Today I finished writing the book, the real book (as some friends would call it). Today I finished the story book I wrote for my wonderful little boy. I call it, “Where did Marco Come From”, in which I try to explain how he was brought into this world. It’s his story, our story.
When I first decided to become a single mother by choice, I knew there would come a time when I would have to explain that not all children have a mom and a dad. I would have to explain, that all children come from love, and that ultimately he came from the most pure, big and wonderful kind of love. He came from the love and dream I had of becoming a mom, of becoming his mom.
At first, writing the story was a bit hard. I had an idea of what I wanted to tell … Continue reading
Many of our children ask questions about their fathers, and right now, with Father’s Day approaching, we are all thinking and talking more about it. When we made the decision to become an Single Mother by Choice, this subject was, for many of us, the one which we were most concerned about, and rightly so. Deciding to raise a child without a father has a real impact on our children and on us.
Having some understanding of child development can be very helpful in feeling more comfortable in talking with your child about this important subject. For example. toddlers initially get their view of the world from their parents, and take their cues about how to feel about most things in life from them. So if you tell your toddler, when s/he asks about their “daddy”, that some families have a daddy and some don’t, the child will usually be … Continue reading
I have to admit – five years into this game, I’ve gotten pretty blasé about the whole “no father” thing. So have my kids. Claire announces it as needed, but in a very “whatevah” way. “I told her you couldn’t find a dad,” she told me, as an aside, at a recent church lunch. Evidently the topic had come up with her friend seated on the other side of her. Or not. It’s possible she just volunteered it. We’ve known this girl’s family for years, and I’ve never seen their father, either. Church is a mom-and-kids thing in their family, as is swimming lessons, evidently – the other place we see them. Not a big deal, just chatter between the five-year-olds.
We’re busy, we’re happy, life is good. Gymnastics, skating, swimming, soccer, kindergarten, cardboard-box inventions, baking projects, vacation planning. It’s all good. The big conversations have been had, and repeated. … Continue reading
I rarely get asked about E’s dad but I did get asked last week by an IT guy I’ve known for many years – he was sitting at my desk working on my computer while I stood next to him. He said something like, “I see pictures of the baby but none of the dad!” Gesturing around smiling, implying that the dad was sorely underrepresented. The right answer was something like, “Oh, that guy? Yeah, it’s all about the baby now.” But instead what came out of my mouth was, “Oh, that’s because he doesn’t have a dad.” Which is what I think we all agreed is NOT what I was intending to say- I wanted to say, “Our family doesn’t have a dad” but I did go on to explain that I chose to have a baby on my own. Maybe the answer was, “That’s because I had him … Continue reading
Allow me to open by briefly introducing myself. My name is Jocelyn, I was born in San Francisco, California, I live in Florida.
I suppose you could say I was born because of a sperm donor. Biologically, that’s true. But the real REASON I’m here is because my mother wanted a child. To me, that’s all that matters and I could leave it at that. But because I enjoy this topic, I won’t.
So, maybe it’s how I was brought up. I knew my entire life I was the product of a sperm donor. No big deal. I have a vague recollection of my elementary-school Spanish teacher teaching me how to say “donor” in Spanish. My uncle’s a genealogist, so when family tree time came around, everyone was so absolutely stunned by just how far back it went on my mom’s side that they didn’t notice or care that I … Continue reading
“I WANT DADDY!” Cara woke up from a late nap crying and fussing and then she started screaming, wailing, “I WANT DADDY!”
She has never expressed any desire for a dad or concern about not having a dad but there’s been a couple of threads on the private Single Mothers by Choice (SMC) Forum recently about other four-year-olds wanting dads who never really had seemed to care before. Still, she’s really shown zero interest so I thought maybe I misunderstood. Do you mean Papa? My dad. You want Papa? “NO! DADDY DADDY!” Still thinking she must be saying something else. Dani? (A good friend and babysitter.) Do you want Dani? “Nooooo! Daddy!” Getting desperate, I start throwing other ideas out: Grammy? Blankie? She gets more ticked off. “NOOOOO! DADDDY! I WANT MY DADDY!”
I give up on translating and start the talk. Ya know the one. Cara, you know we … Continue reading