Dating Archives - Page 2 of 2 - Single Mothers by Choice

My SMC Journey: First baby and me, then hubby makes 3!

If you had told me when I was 38 and picking a sperm donor that only a few years later I would not only have a healthy son, but also a wonderful husband and four stepchildren, I would have laughed you out of the room! That’s the stuff of Hallmark movies, not real life, right?

When I was young I wasn’t sure I wanted children, or even to get married. My family is quite old-fashioned, and I didn’t have any role models who were mothers and had careers. I saw how much the women in my family had sacrificed, and I was not interested in giving up my hopes and dreams. Even though I liked kids, I saw how much power the male breadwinners had, and vowed to always be able to support myself.

Fortunately I left my conservative Midwestern town for college, and got to see some more progressive … Continue reading

Took a Step Back, Looking Forward Again

I feel like I’ve spent the better part of five years trying to decide what to do. After years of hanging on to plan A, marriage and then a family, I gave up after a bad break up and decided to become a single mother by choice. In the middle of trying to conceive, I found myself in a new relationship with a man who supported my efforts and gave me daily encouragement, but said he didn’t want to stay with me if I actually got pregnant. I broke up with him when I realized he had a big commitment problem, having nothing to do with whether or not I got pregnant.

After that my desire to become a mom swung completely to the other direction. The months of trying to conceive had been hard. I’ve always been conservative with money. I felt terrified of my lifestyle changing and feared … Continue reading

Guy vs. Baby

I’m 41 and decided this year I will attempt to be an SMC. I first thought about it three years ago but then decided to do two rounds of egg freezing instead (got 20 eggs).

But I had second thoughts, and then met a guy. He wasn’t the “one” but it made me believe I don’t want to give up on child with a partner just yet. Since then I made many life changes and had some amazing life experiences.

But now I’m older, eggs are older, and also I feel I’m really ready to be a mom. My career only fulfills me so much, and I want to give and have continuity. A child, sadly, is a more reliable source of love than men.

I’m scheduled for an insemination next month. Of course, right after I made an appointment, I met a guy. I don’t think it’s going anywhere … Continue reading

Getting It Right as a Single Mom

Some Single Mothers by Choice say that they are too tired to date, or that their children complete them. I even have a few SMC friends who profess they have no interest in dating. Personally, I have never felt this way. From the day I decided to become a SMC, I knew that because of my ticking biological clock I was simply resorting to plan B: baby first, relationship second. After years of dating dozens of Mr. Wrongs, I realized that I wanted to be a mom, and that I needed to get on with it—on my own.

But as soon as my precious daughter, Jayda, was born (with the help of an anonymous sperm donor), I knew it was only a matter of time before I got back out there and started looking for Mr. Right again; the only difference this time was that he would have to be … Continue reading

Pre-Conception Plans and Decisions

How Single Women Do It

Adoption or conception. Both are great options, and each appealed to me, for different reasons. Since I can’t have a baby without a little help myself, adoption seemed like a wonderful opportunity to in turn help a woman who needed a loving family for her child. Unfortunately, not all adoption agencies consider a family of one adequate, and even those that do were unaffordable to this single chick without taking out a serious loan, something I’d rather not do if I have another option. Luckily, I’ve always wanted to experience pregnancy. I’ve already got big feet and ankles, so I might as well have something miraculous accompany them, right?

Where?

It never even occurred to me that single women had options for this question. I just assumed if Mr. Right wasn’t doing the job that Dr. Somebody ought to be. Actually, though, there are other … Continue reading

Just A Date

How Pursuing My Dream of Motherhood Made Dating More Fun

I had always assumed that unlike me, many women were able to date lightheartedly. Unconcerned with a hoped-for long-term outcome, these women could treat a date as just a date. They found a way to relax and have a good time. These women, I further suspected, were free to be themselves with their dates and so were the ones finding the right partner.

As these musings might indicate, my single dating life was often fraught with worry. When dating a man, I was rarely fully present. My mind ran the back story. I’d size him up, then rocket mentally into an imagined future. Is he the right fit for me, and I for him? Is he commitment-phobic? Am I? Are we wasting our time? Of course, sometimes, there was true hope and love. But the stifling “what-ifs” commanded my attention.… Continue reading

Took a Step Back, Looking Forward Again

It’s Just A Date

I had often assumed that some women, unlike me, were able to date lightheartedly. Unconcerned with a hoped-for long-term outcome, these women could treat a date as just a date. They found a way to relax and have a good time. These women, I further suspected, were free to be themselves with their dates and so were the ones finding the right partner.

As these musings might indicate, my single dating life was often riddled with worry. When dating a man, I was rarely fully present. My mind ran the back-story. I’d size him up, then rocket mentally into an imagined future. Is he the right fit for me, and I for him? Is he commitment-phobic? Am I? Are we wasting our time?

Of course, sometimes, there was true hope and love. But the stifling “what-ifs” commanded my attention. Revelations. Then about a year ago, a crossroads moment appeared. My … Continue reading