Tag Archives: Decided

Do I or Don’t I???

With the help of the members of SMC, I have just recently made my decision not to become an SMC. I should also preface this by saying that I came to this quandary late. I am 46.

Letting go of the dream of having a traditional family, i.e. a husband and kids, is a very big deal for most women. That’s probably one of the first steps in deciding to become an SMC. And that’s a rough one. I always had this assumption that it would happen, so it was hard to face the fact that it might not just “happen.” What if it doesn’t? How could it not? How long do I wait?

All kinds of people meet their mates and start families. My confidence about myself as an attractive, smart and lovable woman is a bit tangled up in that dream. I never wanted to visit the possibility … Continue reading

When You’re Ready to be a Mother but Don’t Have a Partner

Infertility is defined as “not being able to get pregnant after one year of unprotected sex”. But what about the women who are single and ready to be an SMC? We don’t take the conventional path to become pregnant, so we must rely on fertility treatments.

Deciding that you want to pursue single motherhood is only the beginning of a long journey towards getting pregnant. Since many of these women are in their mid-30’s to early 40’s, they are finding out that getting pregnant later in life is not that easy.

It’s been 6 months since I decided to become a single mom by choice, and I haven’t even attempted to get pregnant yet. That’s not because I haven’t wanted to, but because of all of the hoops I’ve had to jump through as a single woman. We don’t have the romantic trying to conceive nights with cuddles and a … Continue reading

Chasing My Biggest Dream

A few months ago I decided to follow my biggest and scariest dream yet; I decided to follow my dream of being a mother, in my case a single mother.

When I first decided to go for it, I said to myself that I need time to process all the events of the past year that might have clouded my judgement. I had just ended an almost year and a half toxic relationship with a man that I loved at first, but by the end I had fallen out of love with. For some time in this past relationship, I was still willing to be with someone who I knew did not love me, who I did not love, who didn’t make me happy or appreciate me, and most importantly who had a lot of issues that made me acknowledge the fact that he could never be the father I … Continue reading

Why I Am Taking the Leap

woman with young daughter1. I am sick of living my life for myself, i.e. clothes, jewelry, facials, massages etc.

2. I love spending time with my niece and nephew, i.e. playground, zoo, reading books, bathing, feeding etc.

3. I am scared of getting old and being alone

4. I have so much love to give, but no child to give it to

5. I want the mother-child bond; I want to feel needed

6. I hate holidays, get-togethers etc. because I am the only one without a child. I feel weird not having my own family and feel like the perpetual child showing up to family gatherings

7. I feel isolated from the world at age 32 because I have no children; people my age have children. I am finding it harder and harder to connect with people since I am childless. I am already feeling more connected with others because my mind-set … Continue reading

A New Beginning??

Smiling woman,Here’s what I want. I want a baby.

I am 39 years old. I am single. I have never been in a long term relationship. I am facing the reality that it is just not going to happen for me in time to have a baby.

I have always wanted kids. When I was a kid I wanted to be a mom. I used to love to babysit. I don’t so much love babies, per se, as kids. I am great with children. I have 3 little brothers who I have essentially helped raise. They are now 16, 13 and 8. I am lucky to have them in my life. And now I want my own.

I am now facing the reality of having a baby on my own. By myself.

I am terrified. I have been thinking about this for years but it is starting to form itself into … Continue reading

Why I Am Taking the Leap

iStock_momchild1. I am sick of living my life for myself, i.e. clothes, jewelry, facials, massages etc.

2. I love spending time with my niece and nephew, i.e. playground, zoo, reading books, bathing, feeding etc.

3. I am scared of getting old and being alone.

4. I have so much love to give, but no child to give it to.

5. I want the mother-child bond; I want to feel needed.

6. I hate holidays, get-togethers etc. because I am the only one without a child. I feel weird not having my own family and feel like the perpetual child showing up to family gatherings.

7. I feel isolated from the world at age 32 because I have no children; people my age have children. I am finding it harder and harder to connect with people since I am childless. I am already feeling more connected with others because my mind-set … Continue reading

The Cat’s Out of the Bag

hes_hereWhen I was pregnant and finally told people (or let my mother tell people), I got the most amazing phone calls. My mom told her sister and I swear within minutes, I got calls from both her sons, my first cousins, telling me that this would be the most amazing journey of my life and the best thing I could do.

When I started to tell my friends, they were uniformly supportive. One friend called her brother who called me and said that of all the people he knew, he knew I would thrive at this because I took such good care of them all in college. (I was the one who routinely held someone’s hair out of the toilet after s/he drank too much.)

So why did I want to have a child? What was that yearning that told me to push forward partnerless?

I wanted to re-experience the … Continue reading

The Hardest Part of Being a Single Mom

When I first reached out to friends and family to tell them of my decision to become a single mother by choice, I expected people to tell me it would be hard, harder than I could imagine, maybe too hard to really want to do it on my own. And while I was lucky to receive tremendous support of my decision, a few friends and family members were honest enough to tell me this, not to scare me off, but to make sure I knew what I was getting into.

I appreciated the honesty, but I knew what I was getting into. (Go ahead, you can laugh at me now.)

I’d heard the stories of rough labors, seen my friends and family members’ struggles with nursing, tried to offer help and comfort when exhaustion, or illness, or the newest tough stage of development had worn them thin. I knew it … Continue reading

Guy vs. Baby

I’m 41 and decided this year I will attempt to be an SMC.  I first thought about it three years ago but then decided to do two rounds of egg freezing instead (got 20 eggs).

But I had second thoughts, and then met a guy.  He wasn’t the “one” but it made me believe I don’t want to give up on child with a partner just yet.  Since then I made many life changes and had some amazing life experiences.

But now I’m older, eggs are older, and also I feel I’m really ready to be a mom.  My career only fulfills me so much, and I want to give and have continuity.  A child, sadly, is a more reliable source of love than men.

I’m scheduled for an insemination next month.  Of course, right after I made an appointment, I met a guy.  I don’t think it’s going anywhere … Continue reading

Embracing My SMC Status

During this Single Mother by Choice (SMC) journey I’ve realized that there are two versions of myself: me before making the decision to try the SMC path and me after making the decision to go the SMC path.

Let me tell you about the pre-SMC me. She was like the Rabbit from Alice In Wonderland. Rushing all around town, trying her very best to meet, date, and marry Mr. Right. Why? Because her biological clock was ringing quite loudly in her ear and the voices in her head kept shouting: “hurry up, hurry up, you’re late! Late! LATE!!” It was such a sad, frustrating, and frenetic time!

And then something shifted. I decided to start dating myself. I began with solo trips to the movies and even sampling restaurants with just me, myself, and I. It became routine and quite fun to take myself out whenever and wherever I fancied. … Continue reading