Tag Archives: IVF

Pathways to Becoming an SMC

If you’re considering becoming an SMC, it’s time to explore all of the different pathways to building a family without a partner 

TYPES OF DONORS

KNOWN DONOR

A known donor is a person that the woman knows and chooses to donate sperm. This option is much cheaper than a donor from a sperm bank since the sperm does not need to be purchased. However, there can be many legal risks with this option (I suggest watching “Nuclear Family” on HBO if you are considering this route).

UNKNOWN DONOR

This is your typical sperm bank route. Sperm donors can’t claim legal rights to the children born through donation so you don’t have to worry about custody issues in the future. You also get a ton of information regarding the donor’s physical traits, medical history, career, etc. Honestly, it’s more information than you would probably k know about a partner!

EGG DONOR… Continue reading

Giving in to Grief

I was 34 when I first heard about a woman choosing to have a baby on her own. It was over margaritas with my friends one night. One friend told us about a co-worker who was 40, single and had decided to try to have a baby on her own. I remember the moment vividly, my eyes wide and terrified that was where I was headed if I didn’t buckle down and find a man. I thought, “I can’t let that be my life.”

Four years later, as I am in the thick of trying to conceive (TTC), I’ve gone through a lot of emotional processing and grieving that comes with choosing single motherhood.

My first part of grief came when I was 35 and froze my eggs. I did it as a way to buy myself time and hopefully relax in my dating process. But I remember feeling depressed … Continue reading

Egg Freezing and IVF for the Single Woman

I’m about to start my 4th egg retrieval cycle, and my 2nd full round of IVF. I’ve put together some tips I’ve learned along the way, especially for those of you who are starting this journey solo! Good luck!

3 months before: Start your supplement regimen

It takes 3 months for any supplements to truly work on your egg quality. It can be hard to wait that long when time is of the essence, so if you are even considering egg freezing, start popping those pills (with your doctors approval). After reading It Starts with the Egg and various other websites, I take the following supplements daily to prepare for my cycle:

Prenatal – contains many of the substances that can enhance and protect your eggs during maturation

Coq-10 with ubiquinol – powerful antioxidant that improves egg quality and quantity has been shown to increase fertility, particularly for women over … Continue reading

Swiping Right on the Seed: Picking my baby’s donor

Picking my donor was easier than I thought. Once I knew I was seriously considering moving forward with choice motherhood, I started researching sperm banks. Each one was different, and I considered a number of criteria.

What I focused on when picking:

My first instinct was to look for someone that I found good looking, which is trivial, but if I am in the position where I am going to hand pick half of my child’s genetics, I am going to be selective. I decided I wanted someone who either resembled me or someone I would date in real life. Ideally taller than 5’11 to balance my petite 5’3 frame. A donor who was athletic because I always ran the opposite direction of balls on the field, and CMV negative, which I had no idea what that meant when I started this journey.

After I had my session with the Continue reading

Ten Steps to Becoming a Single Mom by Choice

Sperm and eggThinking about having a baby on your own is only the beginning. Once you actually put your plan in action, expect a lengthy process. From my first consultation with my Reproductive Endocrinologist to completing my first round of IVF, it was about five months. Here are the 10 steps I went through, including, of course, joining Single Mothers by Choice.

1. Find a good Reproductive Endocrinologist

Fortunately, I already had one from egg freezing that I liked and trusted.

2. Schedule a consultation

This can be a long wait if you are not already a patient. So if you want to get more information, schedule this as soon as you can. Then make your list of questions, start thinking about a realistic timeline for yourself, and do your research ahead of time so you are familiar with fertility language.

3. Initial consultation

Your brain will be filled with terms … Continue reading

An SMC via IVF

Woman seeing positive pregnancy test.I waited for a long time to find Mr. Right and start a family but that never happened. Finally, I was at an age where I needed to make a choice.  I investigated adoption and hit many barriers.  So, I decided to see a fertility specialist.  I decided against insemination because of my advanced maternal age (I was 45 at the time), but decided to go the IVF route.  I initially wanted to use my own eggs, and according to my test results, I could have tried.  However, after much research of my own, the percentages I was finding for successful term pregnancies using my own eggs vs. a donor egg were about 5% vs. 50%.

I thought and prayed about it and finally decided that if I was willing to adopt a child, a genetic connection wasn’t all that important to me.  However, knowing that the fetus was well … Continue reading

Contentedness and Complacency

Profound Thoughts on Starting IVF #2

I have this feeling that my life is going to change. I think the start of every IVF brings this feeling. I remember it last time.

Which brings me to profound thoughts about happiness and change. For those of you who have never met me, or never knew me before I was trying to conceive (TTC), I’m generally a happy person. And even as a child, I was a “resilient” child. I have faced obstacles like other humans, but I bounce back faster. I’ve always felt lucky to be blessed with such a personality trait, especially as I have watched friends sometimes be dragged down for years after major events like breakups.

However, TTC for so long has made me face unhappiness and adversity for longer (and deeper) than ever before in my life. I hesitate to call it “unhappiness,” because it’s more like … Continue reading

Inspiration and Fear

I’ve learned so much from others since starting this journey.

Once you make that big decision to become a Single Mother by Choice (SMC), your thinking changes.  Even though I’m not a mom yet, and I’m convinced that everything will change again once I have my child in my arms, I know I’ve already started to think more like a mother, to identify more with the stories of other women, other mothers.

The private online SMC members’ Forum, blogs like this one, and even Facebook give you the opportunity to peek into other women’s motherhood experiences.  It’s inspiring to see women conquer infertility.  It’s inspiring to see women make single parenting of multiples look not only doable, but joyful.  (Parenting isn’t easy, but it should be joyful, IMHO.)

In addition to the inspiration there is support.  The value of a kind word from someone who has “been there, done that” … Continue reading

An SMC via IVF

iStock_pregAAXSmallI waited for a long time to find Mr. Right and start a family but that never happened. Finally, I was at an age where I needed to make a choice.  I investigated adoption and hit many barriers.  So, I decided to see a fertility specialist.  I decided against insemination because of my advanced maternal age (I was 45 at the time), but decided to go the IVF route.  I initially wanted to use my own eggs, and according to my test results, I could have tried.  However, after much research of my own, the percentages I was finding for successful term pregnancies using my own eggs vs. a donor egg were about 5% vs. 50%.

I thought and prayed about it and finally decided that if I was willing to adopt a child, a genetic connection wasn’t all that important to me.  However, knowing that the fetus was well … Continue reading

Guy vs. Baby

I’m 41 and decided this year I will attempt to be an SMC.  I first thought about it three years ago but then decided to do two rounds of egg freezing instead (got 20 eggs).

But I had second thoughts, and then met a guy.  He wasn’t the “one” but it made me believe I don’t want to give up on child with a partner just yet.  Since then I made many life changes and had some amazing life experiences.

But now I’m older, eggs are older, and also I feel I’m really ready to be a mom.  My career only fulfills me so much, and I want to give and have continuity.  A child, sadly, is a more reliable source of love than men.

I’m scheduled for an insemination next month.  Of course, right after I made an appointment, I met a guy.  I don’t think it’s going anywhere … Continue reading