During this Single Mother by Choice (SMC) journey I’ve realized that there are two versions of myself: me before making the decision to try the SMC path and me after making the decision to go the SMC path.
Let me tell you about the pre-SMC me. She was like the Rabbit from Alice In Wonderland. Rushing all around town, trying her very best to meet, date, and marry Mr. Right. Why? Because her biological clock was ringing quite loudly in her ear and the voices in her head kept shouting: “hurry up, hurry up, you’re late! Late! LATE!!” It was such a sad, frustrating, and frenetic time!
And then something shifted. I decided to start dating myself. I began with solo trips to the movies and even sampling restaurants with just me, myself, and I. It became routine and quite fun to take myself out whenever and wherever I fancied. … Continue reading
There I stood smiling at my own reflection in the mirror. I was feeling in a good place, a positive space. Is it because I’m in school and enjoying every moment of it? Possibly. Or is it because I’ve surrounded myself with extracurricular activities that fuel my soul? That could be it… Or maybe it’s because my 15-year-old stepson and I have not killed one another yet, despite living under the same roof!
Not sure what the trigger to this great mood was, but the fact remained that I could get used to this state of mind! This happy thought train led me down the path of reflecting on my year. So much has happened in the realm of fertility! I grieved my original plans of marriage before children, I wrestled with the idea of IVF, and I actually completed an IVF cycle. Now my frozen embryos are waiting on … Continue reading
In the popular media, single mothering by choice is sometimes about these crazy women who go looking for sperm donors like they’re ordering pizza toppings — Tall? Check. Good SAT scores? Check. Mushrooms? Check.
In reality, it’s not about the sperm. It’s not about the donor. It’s not about the turkey baster or the petri dish. It’s about the milky smell of a newborn, the little fingers that clutch mine when we cross the street, the worries about paying for college and whether the plastics and the scented baby shampoo will poison my toddler. It’s about motherhood, not about men. So that’s why I’m leaping to add my voice to this blog. I want people to understand why so many of us are doing this. I’ve always known I was a mother, I just needed a little help to get there. And I thank God — thank God thank God … Continue reading
Profound Thoughts on Starting IVF #2
I have this feeling that my life is going to change. I think the start of every IVF brings this feeling. I remember it last time.
Which brings me to profound thoughts about happiness and change. For those of you who have never met me, or never knew me before I was trying to conceive (TTC), I’m generally a happy person. And even as a child, I was a “resilient” child. I have faced obstacles like other humans, but I bounce back faster. I’ve always felt lucky to be blessed with such a personality trait, especially as I have watched friends sometimes be dragged down for years after major events like breakups.
However, TTC for so long has made me face unhappiness and adversity for longer (and deeper) than ever before in my life. I hesitate to call it “unhappiness,” because it’s more like … Continue reading