Girls Can Drive Dumptrucks and Boys Can Dance

“I wish our family had two moms,” Sam says, and I am caught by surprise. I am loading the dishes into the dishwasher while Sam puts the head on his new Lego alien minifigure and Eva pulls at my pants leg begging for her bedtime cup of milk.

“Why is that?” I ask. Our family has one parent. One mom. And it’s never going to have two moms.

“Because moms are great, and if there were two moms one could play with me while the other mom puts Eva to bed.”

I’ve recently been talking to Sam about how all families are different. We have books that talk about big families and small families, families that adopt, families with two moms or two dads, families with just one parent. We have books that explain IVF and how a child can come in to the world without a dad.

“That would … Continue reading

Dad Questions

I rarely get asked about E’s dad but I did get asked last week by an IT guy I’ve known for many years – he was sitting at my desk working on my computer while I stood next to him. He said something like, “I see pictures of the baby but none of the dad!” Gesturing around smiling, implying that the dad was sorely underrepresented. The right answer was something like, “Oh, that guy? Yeah, it’s all about the baby now.” But instead what came out of my mouth was, “Oh, that’s because he doesn’t have a dad.” Which is what I think we all agreed is NOT what I was intending to say- I wanted to say, “Our family doesn’t have a dad” but I did go on to explain that I chose to have a baby on my own. Maybe the answer was, “That’s because I had him … Continue reading

The Jeep

Gracie had her wrist surgery last Monday, and it went great. It was a ganglion cyst after all—that’s what my gut was telling me, but the tests all reported that it wasn’t consistent with a ganglion—so it’s a relief to have that settled. She was really nervous about the anesthesia, but she was very brave through it all and I’m so proud of her.

My mom flew in to provide moral support, and she waited at home with Isabelle, who got to go to school late because of her sister’s surgery. We got back from the hospital about 10:15, and I swapped kids and took #2 daughter to school. Obviously Grace hadn’t had anything to eat since dinner the night before, because of the anesthesia, but as it happened, I hadn’t either. We had to be at the hospital really early, and the surgery was short enough that I didn’t … Continue reading

Donor Sibling!

A while back, I posted on my sperm bank’s sibling registry that I was expecting a baby girl on August 2nd. Since mine was a newer donor, I wasn’t surprised that mine was the first post.

But then the other day, I got an email from another mom who’s expecting a baby girl from the same donor! She and her partner are due in November, so my baby will have a donor/half sister just 2-3 months younger than her. I’m so excited! I never had any expectations that she wouldn’t have any donor sibs, and actually kind of wanted her to have them. Since my family is so small, and she may not end up with any siblings or cousins (ok, we have one pseudo-cousin who turned 6 today), I thought it would be really cool for her to have these other “family members”. Not necessarily a huge number, but … Continue reading

Meeting Donor Siblings: The Postmodern Family Vacation

I sifted through my Sunday paper one morning, pulling out the usual bits – coupons, TV guide, Target ad, and USA Weekend. On the latter’s cover were pictures of the characters from the debut of a new tv show, and the corresponding story inside was titled “The Postmodern Family.”

“The Postmodern Family?”  Really?  How could I resist?

The article talked about the multitude of upcoming shows based on non-traditional families. TV historian Tim Brooks notes that television has often presented us with non-traditional families, as it reflects what’s already going on in our current society. For example, The Brady Bunch in its time reflected “the trend of a blended family,” where adults with children from previous marriages came together to form a new family unit.

This particular example rather amused me, as I just had a Very Brady Summer Vacation…

Back when I was pregnant with my son, there was … Continue reading

Surprisingly Thinking My Family Is Complete

While I’ve talked about having three children for as long as I can remember, and taken action to prepare for my 3rd attempt at trying to conceive, I’ve surprisingly found myself thinking that maybe I’m really done. That thinking doesn’t actually sit well with me because it’s such a radical shift, and that makes me question it, but I keep coming back to the same place.

Maybe it would be nice to stick with two;  two who are close enough in age that they will be able to go to the same school until my daughter starts middle school, allowing me, when she starts K and he starts pre-K, to live the life I’ve always dreamed of; working part-time, being the one that gets to pick my children up and take them to their activities, having their friends over after school and really getting to know them, being the primary … Continue reading

Dreams

Sometimes I reflect on my life over the years.

15 years, probably more, that I have fought for what I want, for what I believe. I guess in a way motherhood and dating go hand in hand, since my whole life I believed that one was the means to another.

My mother tells me that I have always believed that what I wanted, what I desired was out there. She admired my persistence and fight that it could be real for me, that I stood for what I believed steadfast, despite years of unsuccessful relationships.

Mom always taught me the lesson in life, the lessons of relationships – that you learn from them, that you take the lesson and grow, so the next relationship would be even richer.

Have I had hard times over the past few years? Yes.
Realizing Mr. Right was not here in time. Yuck.
Deciding, grieving … Continue reading

Mother’s Day – My Son Is Grown

For a good part of my adult life, I wanted to be a mother, but as I got older, I worried that it might not happen for me. I hadn’t met the right man to marry, so how could I become a mom? But then, one day, I realized that even though I hadn’t found my life partner, I could be a single mother by choice. There was even an organization that provided support and information to women like me: Single Mothers by Choice (SMC), for women who were mature, ready for motherhood, but single.  It WAS possible. Months later, I had made my dream a reality.  I was a mother.

Motherhood was the joyous center of my life for many years. I had enjoyed my career and had a pretty satisfying life, both before becoming a mom and throughout my mothering years. But there was something about being a … Continue reading

“Are You Going to Bite Me?”

These are the words my sweet boy asked me yesterday evening as I sat with him on the floor at his train table.  He was trying to maneuver around me, or rather over me, as he was racing his trains around the track.  He came upon my legs for the first pass and said…

“Are you going to bite me?”

I was a bit appalled and said “No, of course not!”

He clambered over my legs and continued on and when he got back to my offending legs on the next pass, he looked at me in all seriousness and said again…“Are you going to bite me?”

And then I remembered.

I had swatted his hand as we were leaving the zoo this morning.  And it stung.  I know it stung from the way he started crying, not out of anger, but real sadness. I had been trying to … Continue reading

Freedom Friday: In Praise of the Single Mother

Last week I was almost on a radio show. I was asked to be the voice of the single mother who celebrates that role and finds the joy in it. I was asked to share things I have learned along the way that make it easier: “What I was hoping you could bring to the conversation were the things that you do (or are discovering), to recharge your showbox batteries, and allow you to find enjoyment, satisfaction and perseverance in this sometimes challenging job of Single Mom. Whether it be mantras you repeat to yourself, physical exercise, time with friends, or anything else be that adds enjoyment to your journey as a single mom, please share your perspective on how you are committed to enjoying your time as a single mom.”

Although, as is often the case in the big world, versus the humble world of the blog, things happen, … Continue reading

“I felt at home in SMC and being around others who had the same dream was a great help. SMC support gave me confidence and encouragement throughout the process and the benefit of meeting other women who were on the same journey.”

– Anonymous